How long should an engagement last?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married soon, we started discussing our expectations on how long the engagement period should last. I personally think at least a year would give us enough time to thoroughly (and more cheaply) plan out the wedding + we’d have time to enjoy calling each other fiancée lol. But my boyfriend prefers to get married (at least in the court house) within a couple of months after officially getting engaged and throw the wedding reception/party later on. What do you think is the best length of an engagement?

(Additional info: Where we live, the average length of an engagement is usually 3-6 months)

A couple of months

At least a year

More than a year

Updates

1 y

Thanks to everyone for sharing your opinions! Had a discussion with my boyfriend after reading all of your opinions and he confessed that he felt guilty about me paying for the wedding which is why he preferred to just do a court house ceremony and have a shorter engagement period, he also wanted to get married asap so that we can move in together so I can save up. He’s been very thoughtful and I can’t wait to be his wife, so lucky to have him! Thanks again everyone 😁

[Summeroflove]

Every relationship is different so it really just depends. Some people just want to get married and don’t want to wait but they know deep down they are the ones right for one another. On the second hand there are people getting married who are engaged for a decade or more that’s excessive.

What does matter is if you genuinely love each other and finding out what’s right for you. Remember, getting married is a HUGE decision and there needs to be conversations before and during the engagement period. To make sure that this is what’s meant to be. The last thing someone wants to do is get married to realize they have major conflicts of interest.

That or worse marry someone who has dark personality traits who seems really good just to marry them. A lot of marriages don’t last because they aren’t built on a genuine love and companionship or any kind of legitimate connection.

On one hand you don’t want to rush things too fast on the other you don’t want to drag it out too long. So you just move at the speed that is natural for you and him both.

[Asker]

I’m fully on board with you. Some get married just for the sake of getting married and out of fear of being alone. I’m glad you brought up the dark personality thing because some people really are that good at hiding their intentions. My cousin’s a victim of one… his wife was the most lovely and down to earth person throughout their relationship, but the facade immediately fell as soon as they signed the marriage certificate.

[Summeroflove]

Happens all the time unfortunately. Some people also get married who aren’t bad people but aren’t compatible and are looking for different things.

Really a hard place to be

[WindAtMyBack]

Six months to a year.

"would give us enough time to thoroughly (and more cheaply) plan out the wedding

That is NOT the reason to give it time. The reason for giving it time is to give you time to question yourself if this is what you really want. It's to make sure it's not spur-of-the-moment. It's to give you plenty of time to back out if your gut tells you it's not right for you.

If you get engaged, and a year later you are absolutely sure it's what you want, then move forward. But if you have doubts, and they persist for a year, then you need to seriously think about whether you want to make a lifelong commitment.

The wedding itself is completely irrelevant. Your gut is what matters, not the pomp and glitter. You gotta love with this dude LONG after the ceremony.

[Asker]

We’ll we’ve been dating for 5 years now and have been seriously discussing (and arguing) about marriage for a year, we finally came to the conclusion that we are ready. We hashed things out and even had a phase of uncertainty and what not, that was basically our “trial engagement run” lol.

This is why my fiancee wants a short engagement because we’ve been through that engaged phase unofficially.

[Cutea]

Normally when you get engaged it is just plan to get married soon. For me personally engagement is not that important, you can get court married directly, and in culture it is normal that when you are only married in court, it is normal that you tell others that you fiancee when you are legally married. In my culture and family it is the religious marriage that is more important where they start considering you as a married couple. As long as you are not sure about your partner do not marry not even legally, if you only want to be official and test if you can go along with your fiancée, just stay a fiancé and you are not married and you can leave the relationship anytime you want. Fiancé does not mean anything. It is just a promise that might be kept and can easily be broken if something goes wrong. Think about it well if you are sure or not about your partner. Trust your own instinct and not opinions of others. Your instinct will get you where you need to be.

[Abbycado]

There is no right amount. It is when you are stable and ready for the commitment

[trumpetplayerforlife]

How ever long you want it to be we were engaged for almost 2 years so we had time to plan and pay for everything we just got married in August of 2024 and we ended up paying $20,000 went everything was all done so I was glad we had 2 years to pay and plan

[Asker]

That definitely sounds all well thought out! I might also need to save up for the wedding so 1-2 years of an engagement period sounds about right.

Congrats on the wedding by the way xx

[JustinTheGreat]

I don’t think there’s any length of time. Usually most couples start planning their wedding as soon as they’re engaged so it takes at least a year.
when my husband and I got engaged we were very young. We were 19 and 20. So we waited about 2 years because we wanted to be able to drink at our own wedding lol

[Asker]

Aw that’s really cute. I wish you and your husband the best ✨

[JustinTheGreat]

Thank you :))

[Anonymous]

It depends how old it pregnant she is. The older or more pregnant, the sooner it would need to be. If she's 20 and not pregnant, no rush. My wife was 23 and pregnant, so we only waited about three weeks lol.

[Opinion Owner]

And my mom was 26 and pregnant, so they only took a few months.

But my sister was 23 and not pregnant, so they took over a year.

[Asker]

Yeah circumstances can definitely play a role. My friend also got pregnant and her engagement lasted less than 2 months.

[HighValue]

People should live torfor at least 6 months before getting married. You don't actually know someone until AFTER you have lived together.

[Asker]

I completely agree. We’ve only stayed at each other’s places but have never actually lived together so we’re gonna do a trial run

[MisterWack]

It depends. As long as there is an engagement, I don’t believe you should worry about how long it will last since when the moment is right you’ll be married & live happily ever after.

[TheStaleMarshmellow]

Enough to plan and save for the wedding and honeymoon. That takes a while

[Asker]

Yeah… especially in this economy lol

[thorboy]

1 year so you can see how they behave in all seasons.

[Asker]

Lol but honestly, people do tend to behave differently in different seasons

[jamesgoldman]

It depends

My aunt was engaged for 4 years before getting married in the summer
The married friends of my age seem to a year or two engaged

[KrakenAttackin]

You do what's right for you, don't let social media determine your life and relationship.

[Anonymous]

Whatever feels right for you. There is no wrong answer to this.

[CarolinaGirl5]

Why are u asking us when your mate just told u? This is why I think a lot of women are mentally slow and like to cause trouble. He just told u

[Asker]

Because people can have different expectations and I’m looking for other people’s opinions on how long they think would be the ideal length of an engagement. If you can read, I’m not asking for help in determining my own engagement period length.

[CarolinaGirl5]

@asker again why are you going against what he said? You're a drama queen grow tf up

[Asker]

Because I’m the one paying for the wedding and I’ll need to plan out the finances.

[CarolinaGirl5]

You're paying for the wedding lol 😆 well that's a joke

[Asker]

Yep. He bought me the ring so I’ll return the favor by paying for the wedding, I’ve saved up for this anyway. He also knows that I’m on here and he knows my passwords. We openly talk about this as a couple. Was gonna go ahead with the courthouse thing but our parents wanted us to wait because there’s a bunch of traditional “rituals” that we’d have to do before we can tie the knot.

I know you’re probably jealous that other woman can have healthy mature relationships, which is why I’m the one getting married and you’re not.

[CarolinaGirl5]

Then I wouldn't get an outside influence on what you guys have. Doesn't sound like there are issues in the relationship at all. I would not compare and contrast to other people. Just do what works for you guys. He's seems open either way. He mentioned courthouse too. I get other things asking about but when it comes to a relationship and you're on good terms I just wouldn't.

[CarolinaGirl5]

It'll create drama that shouldn't be there

[CarolinaGirl5]

Dude he told u that from the start jeez ur a drama queen

[rachel776]

we will hopefully soon find out 👀

[4ngelic]

4-6 months ideally, 1 year max

[Flower7]

Between 6 months and a year.

[WhitneySnow]

At least a year

[CuriousMoonFox]

One year. No more, no less.

[Anonymous]

Until the man comes to his senses and calls it off?

[Sevenpointfive]

why wait?

[Asker]

Good point

[scott04sa22]

Never gotten that far with anybody

[SweetJoyGirl]

6 months max.