How long is too long to be engaged? How short is too short? Is there really a time span?

[Paulalove98]

My fiancé and I wanna marry next year but not toward the end of 2024. I’ve heard more than two years is too long, and less than two or three years is too quick. We both think that’s a good time but we wouldn’t mind 2025 but we don’t wanna be engaged for more than 2.5 years at the most as we’re still growing together as a couple but both believe in the value of marriage but don’t want it to be too sudden either. I don’t think there should be a rule book but honestly I don’t get couples being engaged for five or seven years! We don’t even want a fancy wedding we wanna spend more on our honeymoon😅

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for the opinions everyone. We’re waiting till the end of 2024 which we both agreed upon because we’re saving up still financially, growing together, and still getting on our own, we don’t want a huge wedding but not something too small either but we know we wanna spend our lives together and in order to do so we think it’s best if it’s not too fast with legally marrying but also no more than a year and a half but we wanna make it happen and both value marriage and commitment

[Andres77]

The engagement should last as long as necessary to prepare yourself as a couple to take the next step. Financial stability., allowing for your education., for where you’re going to live and transportation, and whatever considerations for starting a family are taking into account. This should all be resolved before you get married.
I am a big proponent of premarital counseling as well. Having a mediator to help both parties review all aspects of married life, and that both parties are in agreement before you get married, or that issues and differences are resolved before you get married.. if you wait until after you’re married, and then you find out that you have very differing views on a critical subject. It only opens a couple up to major conflict and blame and potentially manipulation.

Religion, finances, sex how you’re going to raise your children political views. These are hard topics that need to be reviewed before you get married.

This little explanation about how the mind works did wonders for me. Very informative.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/xHWkU2J2vyw

[Andres77]

I truly wish you both the best.

[OlderAndWiser]

The question should be "how long should you date before considering getting engaged?" Once you're engaged, allow yourself at least six months to plan the wedding and make sure your date will work for the most important people you want there.

Before getting engaged, you should date at least long enough to have had a few squabbles and know that you can work through conflict without everything blowing up, because conflict is inevitable in a marriage. You want to know that he or she won't run away at the first sign of trouble.

As you get older, you will get to know yourself better, and you will do a better job of discerning whether your partner has the qualities you want, but when you are younger, I think you should date approximately two years before getting engaged (unless other important considerations dictate a shorter courtship.)

[Ozanne]

It is your own private business between you and your partner about your relationship status. If you wish to be engaged or not, how long you are engaged, or if your engagement even results in marriage at all! No one can tell you what is supposed to be a good timeline for any of these things. These are things between you and your partner and no one else.

If you have plans to marry in 2024 or 2025, then pre-congratulations to you both! If you decide by then you need to wait longer, then by all means you both do what is necessary and right for yourselves and not worry about what other people think you are "supposed to do"! ♥

[A_Bell]

A friend of mine was engaged to a guy for 6 years. They just recently broke up.

She wasted 6 years of her life living with a guy she was with for a total of 10 years! That makes no sense. Now she is almost 30, and she has to recover from an emotional mess and then start from scratch.

It would have been best to maybe pull the trigger years ago when the relationship stalled.

If we want children, we have limited time to have healthy children with the energy to take care of them. Waiting years after years of dating to decide you are right means you aren't right.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

It takes as long as knowing that’s the person you really want to spend the rest of your life with,(that’s different lengths of time for different couples) And it should be the sole decision of the couple involved not outside influences like family/friends/society, etc.

[coachTanthony]

6 months is the sweet spot. Anything more starts to get cringe.

[Sasha0426]

6 months? You barely just became boyfriend/girlfriend around that time.

[coachTanthony]

@Sasha0426 If you are boyfriend and girlfriend for a year or two then get engaged you should get married in 6 months to a year. NOT get engaged after only dating 6 months. I think you read the question wrong.

[Sasha0426]

I probably did 😅

[Sasha0426]

Yeah it’s starting to make sense now.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it’s the old-fashioned advice of my own parents talking, but if you don’t have a date set for the wedding, you’re not truly engaged. You just have a piece of jewelry. Just pick a day and stick with it. How about 6 months from now? If you need a little more time for wedding planning, try 1 year. Heck one of my friends married his wife 3 months after he proposed! You’re both still growing as a couple, and that growing doesn’t stop when you get married. If you’re ready to grow together, then go ahead and grow together.

[Paulalove98]

We’d like a year to be able to grow together as you stated, save money, plan the type of wedding we want, and really be set emotionally. I feel like 6 months or less feels super fast and not enough time or energy to be able to have room together as a couple and everyone is all jittery and going through the news in the first few months lol, we also wanna do photographs if possible but in 2024 by the end of next year it’s definitely possible:)

[Anonymous]

Anyone that puts time constraints on YOUR relationship and what works is doing you a disservice and should not be trusted. Women will tell women there should be a time limit on commitment. The correct answer is, whenever he is ready. He is the one that’s committing to you, he is the one, providing for you and the family, he is the one ultimately giving his life to protect and give all he has… you don’t control that. So how long is too long, there is no such thing, if he takes 3-10 years to be engaged to you, and he is a good man and you know it, you better be along for the ride, most men won’t take that long, but women need to stop giving other women and such advice. The quickest way for a relationship to end or a woman to end up single and destroyed from a good man is to listen to other women’s marriage and relationship advice.

[LazerBean]

I don't know why anyone would be engaged for more than a year. If you aren't sure about the other person, or you aren't stable enough for whatever reason to be married by that point, then people shouldn't get engaged to begin with. 6 months seems to be kind of a sweet spot. We got married after 3 months, because like I said if you are ready and sure then there's not really any good reason to wait around for a long time.

[Sweetsurprize]

Once engaged you should strive for 6 months after that maybe at least. Hell I don't know lol. It really just all depends on the couple. Good luck and congrats. Hope this lasts for you.

[DizzyDesii]

Ideal engagement is 6 months to a year. Anything else is too short or long in my opinion

[BCRanger10]

I think six months is a good minimum. I will never understand though why, beyond military deployments or excessive travel for work or school, people have two or three year engagements.

[Sasha0426]

Then how long should it take to become official? A week?

[mandyfire98]

It should last until you're truly ready for marriage.

[Anonymous]

How long is too long? There is no too long.

How long is too short? If you don't truly want to be with them forever. Then it's too short. You need more time or you need to get real with yourself.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Being engaged more than 1 month is too long and just wasting time.

Getting engaged after 1 week of meeting someone is too short.