Extremely rude mother in law how to deal with her when husband wants me to stay at his house with his big family and we can't move out yet?

[Anonymous]

Backstory living at inlaws part time kinda thing as me and my husband don't have our own house yet. I never really liked it there as its a invasion of privacy with his large family, then overwhelming with my kids and my mil is controlling then you have his dad always at home. Anyways coming from an Asian typical background your supposed to live with inlaws after marriage, but I don't due to hubby working and I have kids so I go back to my parents back to back for my own sanity. As husbands family is quite big and it was arranged although hubby wants me to live 7days i said no i won't. Anyways oneday husband was at work and in the kitchen I was alone that day my mil goes to me randomly out of the blue that" I should of gotten a house husband, and my parents ruined her sons life and told me I got married in the wrong place" all at once. It hurt me so much for 3 weeks I became depressed as i thought me and my mil were getting along even if we didn't have the best of relationships, and after that I left his house and came back to my parents for the last 3 weeks. My mil nor any of my husbands family reached out to me to see if me or my kids are okay. My mil didn't even call to say what she said was wrong and for us to come back. So at the end I refused but my husband now wants me to come back but I said only if his there otherwise I can't stand his family right now as none of them cared one bit about my kids to reach out the least. It caused arguements between me and my husband as I was angry at his mum for always interfering and bulling me secretly when am alone and always interfering in my marriage and I honestly despise her. I don't even wanna see her face. I hate his family and don't want them near my kids esp since none of them reached out for to us. I kept my boundaries intact anyway but don't want them to fake it when I go over now esp with my kids.

Me and husband barely had issues until she started this fight and brought issues up about me staying at my parents.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that's a really tough situation you're dealing with, girl. Your mother-in-law sounds like a total nightmare to handle. I can see why you're so upset and don't want to be around her or the rest of your husband's family right now.

The way she spoke to you was completely out of line and disrespectful. Saying your parents "ruined her son's life" and that you should have gotten a different husband? That's just cruel and uncalled for.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that kind of verbal abuse, and I can understand why it left you feeling so depressed for weeks. The fact that no one in his family even reached out to check on you and your kids afterwards is just adding insult to injury.

I totally get why you don't want to go back there now, even with your husband there. You have every right to protect yourself and your kids from that kind of toxicity. Setting those boundaries is so important.

At the same time, I know your husband wants you to come back and it's causing arguments between you two. That must be really hard. He should be sticking up for you more against his mom's behavior.

My advice would be to have an honest, but calm conversation with your husband. Explain to him exactly how his mom's words made you feel, and why you don't want to expose your kids to that kind of negativity. See if he can understand where you're coming from.

Maybe you two can compromise - like you'll go back, but only if he's there and he shuts down any rude comments or interference from his family. Or maybe he can come stay with you at your parents' for a while instead.

Whatever you decide, don't back down. Your mental health and your family's well-being have to come first. Your mother-in-law needs to learn that she can't just treat you however she wants. Stay strong, girl. You've got this!

[hahahmm]

Your husband is a momma's boy. In my culture (western culture) when you get married your wife comes first. As long as she doesn't cause problems intentionally, I mean. I would never side with my mom against my wife. Even if my wife is wrong (in my view) I would tell my wife privately and not side against her in public. Your mil does this stuff to you because your husband allows it or even secretly encourages it.

You should tell your husband that he needs to choose whether he is married to you or his mom. If he's married to you then he needs to be protective and supportive of you and put you first.

[Sneirorkr]

Gray rock method