How do I find a husband in my 30s?

Question

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

To use money as a metaphor for SMV (social market value or "relationship value"), you need to start by accepting that you've just spent a decade or more as a "multimillionaire" of SMV, but most of that value is gone. It was directly tied to your youth and lack of experience. In your 20s, you could make high demands because you had the SMV to spend - kind of like a multimillionaire looking to buy a nice house.

But you're no longer exceptionally wealthy; you are now average, like someone making $50,000 a year and has $2000 in the bank for emergencies. You can no longer afford to have a "boutique attitude" because now you are shopping at Target and Kohls.

If you keep that in mind, you have a chance of success. There are a lot of average guys who have good morals and values who want a family. Men who would be good husbands and fathers. They aren't going to be in finance, trust fund, 6'5", blue eyes - that's a fairy tale that was never possible for the vast majority of women even at 20. You've got to live in the real world.

The men looking for a woman in her 30s to marry are going to be at least 5-10 years older than you and nearly all of them are looking for a woman with traditional values, and who is family (rather than career) oriented. That means a woman who embraces femininity and rejects Feminism.

If that's not you already, then you need to work on it immediately. Men are looking for a woman who is already those things.

Your education, career, job title, and income mean zero to a man as far as your relationship value goes, so never read a man your resume - it will just make you look out of touch. Describing your favorite meals to cook is going to be much better received.

While I won't say that your looks aren't important, they are way less important than you think. Don't be fat, and wear your hair in a feminine style and at least appear to be all-natural and you are most of the way there.

Most women get disqualified as a serious relationship partner because of her attitude and poor values, not because of their looks. You can't shop you way into a man's good graces, but a positive attitude and genuine appreciation will go a long way.

Finally, forget about meeting online. That's just for casual sex. You need to meet your man in person out in the world, which means you are limited to local men, so delete the apps and stop comparing real men with online profiles that are probably fake anyway. You will have to find local area events to go to and meet men incidentally. Yes, that's a lot of work, but it's what works.

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

By not being a feminist. Feminists these days are a group of anti-man women. They are entitled and narcissistic, thinking nothing of what they bring to the table and everything about what a man brings.

Be feminine. Dress in feminine clothing, speak and act femininely. Don't be loud and obnoxious. Be kind and patient.

Socialize. You can't expect prince charming to sweep you off your feet, especially so nowadays. Men are more deterred from approaching women today than ever before. And that's because women told us not to approach them. They also chose the bear. If you find a guy interesting, go up to them and try to start a conversation. And be direct and make your intentions clear. Men appreciate women that are up front and direct.

Next, do things you're passionate about. I don't mean watching your favourite movies and shows on Netflix. I mean pursue hobbies that encourage you to go out into social environments. Join hiking clubs, sports teams, dancing, yoga classes, painting or pottery classes, volunteer at animal shelters or environment cleanups, cooking classes, etc.

Even if you like just chilling and hitting a bar. That's fine too. I don't know why people hate on bars.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

you need to get off this website because many of these people hate women and dedicate their entire lives to mocking women. They won't necessarily tell you the truth either. Just because an old man wants a woman in her 20s, it does not mean she wants him. Men's sexual market value decreases as he gets older and uglier too.

To find a husband, you need to put yourself out there as much as you can. Go to 3-4 dating/singles events per week. Do this consistently for a few years. I promise you will find someone.

Aim for men who are older than you. Maybe late 30s or 40s. Men usually only want to date younger women. You won't find much success with men who are younger or around your age.

Kelley1 · Accepted Answer

You need to accept that you have a low sexual market value and adjust your expectations accordingly, or else accept men in their 40s and 50s who value women in their 30s because they have more in common with older women.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

You have posted anonymously, no photo, and we know absolutely nothing about you, your history with relationships, or your present circumstances. How can anyone possibly give you any meaningful advice?

AviatorTom · Answer

Go to the husband store.

Or, just go to an online dating site and let the guys know you want to get married. Finding someone who wants to marry you is easy, you'll get lots of offers. Finding one that you want to marry, well that's another story.

Best is to talk with your friends and have them introduce you t a few nice guys.

DishLady · Answer

Stop pretending you're perfect and can find the guy who fits some prefab list of yours... which is what many women do nowadays. It's ridiculous.

Anonymous · Answer

Gently as you get older it gets harder. I get that there’s exceptions to every rule so it’s not 100%. I mention that because women will tell throw out their two sense about no I know a girl who is 40 who met a man. Sure ok but she’s the exception, that’s not happening at a rate like it does for 20 year old women. So we have to be realistic that yes it’s harder. I don’t write the rules, men just tend to like younger women. Maybe that’s biological cause men in other countries seem to think the same. It’s not like we had a meeting of the men of the world to decide that we’d all go after younger women. Again there’s exceptions. But in answer to your question first of all it’s usually based off your looks to get men to come to you. Isn’t always 100%, I’ve been attracted to women who I wasn’t necessarily attracted to. But in a majority of cases it’s looks, then personality. What’s your personality like. Do you fit what a man would want in a wife? Most men want a wife who’s loving, caring, who has the qualities of being a good mother, who brings him peace, possibly a good wife at home if he’s looking for a stay at home wife. Someone who knows how to cook. Money isn’t usually a big issue for men when it comes to selecting a partner. One other really important thing, she’s feminine. Most men aren’t looking for a partner who’s masculine, colored hair with numerous piercings, bull ring, giant ear lobes w big ass spools in her eats or gauges. What happened w your last relationships?

aaron13547 · Answer

Stop looking so hard and let life flow. You are chasing an idea, an idea you probably have a list of expectations for... there are two options make that list of all the things you want that other person to be and achieve all those things yourself then that person you want will see you... second choice is to take that list ball it up and just start being yourself maybe start by looking for a boyfriend or even friends you just enjoy to be around. From my experience when we chase something we never catch it because human nature is to always want more... there's nothing wrong with wanting thats what makes us the best we can be. But as long as you chase an idea you'll never catch it. Your mind is always one step ahead of you... there is a difference in wanting something and just wanting more if something. Balance is key to finding real happiness. That's what I think this husband idea is really about. Find happiness first, then a boyfriend, and you might grow a husband...

jshm2 · Answer

Are you worth marrying, first and foremost?

A lot of the time people who complain about "no partner", tend to be people who don't even have much reason to be alive, let alone in a relationship.

Once you are able to bring something substantial to the table, is it something another would value? A lot of the time, your treasure is someone else's shit. So you have to be realistic if you are giving another the valuable relationship worth cementing in a marriage.

Then you need to see what city (sometimes even country) such people would appreciate what you have, and could return the favour with something you value.

Makeushiver · Answer

I think that the obvious choices for finding someone naturally goes pretty far down after college- if college is part of your life. Sometimes the only place that seems to be a good place to look are bars/clubs. I've noticed that there are plenty of ways ro meet people outside of bars esp. in activities that are naturally coed. Join and adult tennis, golf, or any group type lesson that you think might interest you. Continuing education is another pretty good place. The virtue of those examples lies in the fact that most people are there because f mutual interests, they aren't places one things of to pick up someone. In all of the situationsI've mentioned there arepeople there that aren't specifically attempting to meet people and I think that makes it more of a natural scene whereas bars can be obvious and sometimes sort of sleazy places where people deliberately go to find someone.
Good luck

Sensmind · Answer

Of course the one thing springs to mind is dating apps but you may have a bad experience of same or be fearful of the amount of effort you may have to do on these with no guarantee of success. Maybe join classes or clubs where you meet new people and maybe over a shared interest you may meet the right man

Cormac995 · Answer

Any woman can find a man at any age as long as they date at their level. It's not hard if you keep getting shot down and constantly find yourself single, you're trying to date up. All a woman has to do to get a date is be a woman. I've never met a woman that wasn't chronically single that didn't have either and awful personality or refused to be reasonable with their expectations

Greek_goddess_Iris · Answer

By putting yourself out there. And I don't mean sleeping around. If you are just staying at home all the time and watching TV or making excuses to not go anywhere, then you won't find someone. Online dating can work too. Join a site like "date my age".

HighValue · Answer

Find a single father that doesn't care about raising a new family and don't expect to actually get married.

Good quality men without lots of baggage/bad decisions that are attractive have plenty of better options so you may as well give up on expecting them to be interested long term.

slatyb · Answer

Join outdoor activity groups -- hiking, biking, sailing, canoeing or kayaking, etc. Those groups are full of nice single men. Try co-rec sports if you enjoy playing -- volleyball, kickball, pickleball etc. Gaming groups are also full of single men, and they aren't all socially awkward. You might take up chess -- lots of single men there, some quite social and accomplished. Maybe dance meetups -- swing and salsa. You will at least meet men there, and if you don't date them, they may know someone.

FictionalCharacter · Answer

Eeeeee……., good luck girl. Men on dating sites (from what I have seen) are recently divorced dads not looking for anything serious. It’s usually men in their 30s-40s. While guys in their 20s just want to travel and party.

Anonymous · Answer

You have to put in effort. You waited till a lot of your perceived value was gone. The problem is a lot of the good men may need need convincing at this point. Don't want to take a more active role? Then either keep doing what you've been doing and pray for the best. Or start buying some cats.

Good luck!👍

Miristheiss · Answer

How did you waste your young, hot years without getting a commitment? That is your peak for landing someone. Hopefully you have no kids?

exitseven · Answer

I imagine there are plenty of good guys out there in their 30s. Yes, they are not 6'2" and filthy rich but they are good hard working guys.

Paris13 · Answer

Today, go Online to a reputable dating site... You'd be surprised. Have your pick of any guy nearby---or long distance, if you want---to Date or even a--- Mate. xxxxooo

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Getting out into the community. Focusing on developing high quality friendships with men. Taking time to identify aspects of your personality and lifestyle that shutting down connections.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

You simply go where other people go and go talk to someone you like! Or give the guy who wants to talk to you a chance. That's what I did. We were on the same bus.

Nikki1989 · Answer

The same at any age. Age doesn't change anything. I have met people who are actively dating in their 60s and even 70s.

Anonymous · Answer

Id bet you already found him but decided you could do better.

Berethor · Answer

Gets harder with age, but if you stop being anonymous then you might find a husband here.

qwerty2469 · Answer

Ship has sailed. You're too old to marry a good man and you will have to wait another 4 to 6 years before the second best men get their first divorce. By then the chance of having kids is low. Get cats. They are just like children.

Keyboardkat · Answer

How can your husband be in your 30s? Maybe it's better if he's in HIS 30s, LOL!

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Look around. My girlfriend found one... me! :-D Good luck! I hope you get a good one!

robocop666 · Answer

The pro wrestler Taya Valkyrie is married at 40

Alex-Snow · Answer

Through friends or social groups. Get involved in your community with some volunteer activities etc.

WonderingManII · Answer

You just happen to meet someone, and if you get lucky that person will be your husband.

jahaims · Answer

By being appealing. If you are single in your 30s you are the issue

dudeinohio · Answer

Same way as when you were younger. Just bear in mind they maybe divorced and have kids.

Kattsnaiper · Answer

Just walk around public places, or talk with guys that you already know, or find a place where you can connect to other people easly and start to talk there.

blackeagle007 · Answer

Stop having unrealistic expectations. Be serious instead instead of wanting “bad boys”

najekim · Answer

Most folks I know found their partner when they where not even looking at the time.

Twalli · Answer

Find a guy who isn't looking for more kids than they have already.

Cheerfull009 · Answer

You post your details with pictures, and your details about your expected husband , I will help you

Richard85 · Answer

Dm me. I will rock you like there is no tomorrow

MasterKS · Answer

Finding a husband is touch in any age, if need a boyfriend you will get it.

Anonymous · Answer

The way you didn't in your twenties

ODC2112 · Answer

You have to learn how to give.

jazzy34 · Answer

When you find out, let me know. 😂

Staximus · Answer

Learn how to socialize

ashish804 · Answer

you would certainly.. just keep your options open

DCVsMarvel2 · Answer

Why do you feel you need to marry?

SotiCoto · Answer

You don't.

How do I find a husband in my 30s?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

How do I find a husband in my 30s?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.