Would you consider an arranged marriage with someone who seems like a good match?

[PretzelBeanie]

If your parents, or someone close to you, came to you and told you that they met someone who's parents were trying to arrange their marriage. The person seems like someone you would like—they are your physical type, they have several shared interests, and they even expressed the same values you have.

But because their parents are wanting to do an arranged marriage, you wouldn't be able to "date" or have a regular romantic relationship leading up to the wedding. You would be able to meet them for yourself and have a conversation first, but you would have to commit to marrying them after only that, before really getting to know them on an emotionally deep or physically intimate level.

Would you consider taking on a marriage that way, if the person you would marry seems to be a good match based on a strong, positive first impression?

[Shiprex]

Nah, it's not worth it as a guy. The chances are they'd be just as disappointed in their lack of choice as you would and that's hardly a smart way to begin something that could tear your life apart.

[Shiprex]

@PretzelBeanie
Thanks for the MHO 😊

[PretzelBeanie]

You're welcome!

[nastyb]

You're way too naive
Its the people who are willing to be ok with a lack of choice that can actually stay married. In the west, everyone is constantly looking for someone better than the last. When they encounter a problem in marriage, they're dissatisfied, then they try to trade their spouses for someone else.

Analysis paralysis is another issue with western love marriages. When you have too many options, you find it super hard to pick one person and go with it

For example, going to a restaurant where they have thousands of different dishes. A menu that is 10 pages long. Of course you wouldn't know which dish to pick. Same goes for having too many options in dating: there are so many decent women that you just wouldn't know which one to marry

And this can be seen in the fact that americans tend to date so many people but can never seem to ever settle down

[nastyb]

Westerners think a successful marriage has entirely to do with finding the right person, someone who its you like a puzzle, soul mate. In REALITY, it is incredibly difficult to find someone who is 100% exactly a perfect match
You will rarely ever find someone who fits you like a puzzle. Most people just end up marrying the person that they're with when they're at the right age to be married.

The secret to a successful marriage has to do more with your determination to keep the marriage together, how well you are willing to endure monotomy, how you handle conflict

When you want to ditch any moment when the marriage doesn't suit your needs, this is why americans can't stay married. Americans seem to think its because they married the wrong person. Its more so that americans dont feel the need to fix their problems or compromise because they believe they can always trade their spouses for someone better

[beefcakebradybatson]

@nastyb "Love The One You're With" (Stephen Stills/Isley Brothers) which contains my partnering philosophy, "Turn your heartaches right into joy/She's a girl, you're a boy !!!"

[nastyb]

@beefcakebradybatson

That's really not my point. My point is... people often think being choosy or picky is better.

When in fact, the pickiest ones tend to make the worst spouses.

[nastyb]

@beefcakebradybatson

picky people tend to have much higher standards. . The higher your expectations, the more likely you are to be disappointed in your marriage.

the pickier you are, the more likely you are to trade your spouse in for another spouse.

and you can blame this on not "finding the right person".

Truth is... there is no perfect person. If you keep on waiting for the perfect, right, ultimate soulmate, who fits you like a puzzle, you will just stay single forever.

[Clear_Skies10]

If she's hot and she's my type, I would give it a try. I picked my first wife and that didn't last forever, so might as well see how this goes.

[molonski2]

Having sold land for 30 years , I met many different families and situations , and honestly the best and most successful unions by far were those arranged.

Now , when I was your age I would have screamed Nooooooooo ! But , now I think it's a very good idea.

[molonski2]

Just to update , something I forgot a beautiful Shilankan girl who used to work for me ( 24 back then ) arranged marriage , 25 years together now with 2 beautiful adult children , it does work.

[Miristheiss]

Sure. From what I understand from speaking with people from India you actually meet the people your parent's set up. You have a period where you interact and talk with them and can figure out if you approve or if they've picked someone you don't like at all. You don't have to marry them.

I could get on board probably.

[Anonymous]

arranged marriages actually have a much higher success rate than love marriages. One of the reasons is that when your family picks your spouse for you, you are much more likely to marry someone with similar values.

In love marriages, people have way too options. Its better to just zoom into 1 person in an arrange marriage and marry them. Too many options will lead to indecision which is why so many people in the west are unmarried and childless.

[jshm2]

Technically every marriage is an arranged marriage, as it involved a third party introducing the couple.

But it's really a dog whistle for "forced marriage" as shit for brains White people think it to be.

[Phoenix98]

No because people are never what they seem and I am someone who needs to explore and see who someone is with my own eyes. I will never just take someone's word for it I made that mistake once before.

[DrPepper12]

"No!! Arranged marriages are crazy. I don't trust my parents to make ice cubes!! I don't even know how they made me!!"

Actual quote from a freshman boy when we discuss Vedic vs Classical India

[aceleon]

if she shared the same values with me they would say fuck you to their parents and date me for as long as we need.

[D_Bone_Steak]

They do tend to work better long term. Meanwhile lets compare them to women that pick for themselves...

[laurieluvsit]

I wouldn't know if he was a good match in one of the most important areas to me until spending some time in bed together... just saying.

[queenofcardio]

I would be open to it. I'd prefer a longer time getting to know them before quickly committing

[Berethor]

If she virgin then I am okay with waiting until marriage for her, so I think that I would accept.

[bowenw]

I would be be open to meeting them, but would not marry anyone without getting to know them for many months or years so I was confident we were compatible.

[genericname85]

i mean if she was cool and she was up for it... but i guess that would by definition be the opposite of "arranged" if i made that conditions to consider it xD

[slatyb]

No, I would not. I wouldn't marry anyone unless we have been dating for a year.

[2_beHappy]

No, of course not, nobody actually knows or has the right to choose someone for me

[Nikki1989]

Not in a million years would I consider something so preposterous.

[TonyMetal___86]

I don't mind an arranged meeting or an arranged date but i can never promise a person with marriage if i don't get to know them and having a normal relationship 1st...

[nedofa71]

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[loveyouoak]

I think arranged marriages are outdated. I’d never go for one.

[captain_voidwalker]

God no. I couldn't imagine a worse hell than marriage

[Staximus]

I'm not marrying a woman that I don't know, that's retarded.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Suppose someone tried to match me and Lizzo? NO THANKS !!!

[Panthero80]

It would be kind of like being set up on a blind date.

[Anonymous]

Maybe, if she's my type of girl, if she's hot, I would.

[DishLady]

Nope.

[WhitneySnow]

I would not do that

[oswaldcobblepot]

Im not sure I ever want to get married

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

No. I need to her personally for myself.

[beenherebefore]

Absolutely.

[robocop666]

if thier hot then yes

[thegreenyogi]

No never.

[linka_pat307]

I would have

[In_Trance]

Never