Am I rushing into marriage plans after 11 months of dating?

[avony12]

Me (27F) and my boyfriend (23M) have been dating for 11 months. He’s been over my house weeks on end Monday- Sunday until recently I told him he can stay only on weekends. I feel like within those months I’ve been thinking I’m ready for engagement towards marriage. But I feel like my boyfriend isn’t. He hasn’t been talking about marriage or engagement like I’ve been doing. I told him I want to at least be married with my first child by the time I’m 30, and I’m not moving in with a man unless I’m married. He did tell me he is looking to move in with me after my lease ends next year IF his brother (who he lives with) gets married. I don’t really know what to do at this point. I’m not pressing him to marry me but at-least have some type of plan.

Updates

9 d

FYI we had all the conversations, kids, marriage, money and boundaries so I feel like he answers all my questions right…

[Anonymous]

Indeed you are pressing him. Telling him you want to be married by 30 w a child. I seriously doubt that’s going to happen. Sounds like you two are on two different timelines. There’s no need for him to grow up that fast, he has plenty of time, you don’t if you’re aiming for all that by 30. Eleven months together isn’t too early to ask for somewhat of a plan as to what this relationship is. But a plan as far as marriage at 11 months, too early. I’m wondering what took so long? Why are you 27 barely getting to this point in your life if that’s what you wanted? Something doesn’t sit right w me. He’s younger. You’re trying to push something he is t ready for. Maybe because men your age or older don’t want you for whatever reason?

[avony12]

Hmm well, honestly I was focused on my career and wasn’t 100% ready for a relationship… had a lot of work to do on myself. Anyways…men my age are the same way. Don’t want marriage or anything serious… And yes he doesn’t need to grow up fast but if we’re in 2 different timelines that’s fine. Nothing wrong with ending things because of 2 different timelines

[Opinion Owner]

To me he’s too young. Men don’t have that same timeline of having to have things in place by 39. Maybe that’s why we don’t grow up as fast because we have more time to procreate than women usually do. As for the men your age, more than likely they just don’t want marriage w you. Especially if you told them the same thing about your time frame. Not to mention a lot of these men want younger women. You decided to take a career over a family first, now you’re wanting a family to which most of these men aren’t going to want you. I think the kid is too young right now that it’s easier for you to manipulate him.

[Opinion Owner]

I meant by age 30, not 39.

[avony12]

Yeah that may be true. But regardless if that’s timeline is too fast for him we’re better off breaking it off. No need to force him.

[Opinion Owner]

So why did you pick 30 as the magic number? Besides this kid what’s the longest relationship you’ve had? Why did it end?

[bowenw]

He seems noncommittal and already making excuses why he won't get married. It makes me think he is at the stage of just wanting to have fun.

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊
Best of luck to you.

[Calyptomaniac]

11 months is fast. Give him some time Rushing him is going to drive him away or force him into deciding something he isn't really ready for and may just end it later. He's only 23. Your arbitrary mandate of 30 is an unnecessary deadline.

[BCRanger10]

My opinion is that this is right around when a couple should begin actively discussing marriage. In fact, I'd even say earlier.

If one person in a relationship wants marriage, then they should make that intention known to the other... though admittedly, this is much easier to approach if they both come from a background or community that expects or encourages such, like a religious community. But even so, if the one wants marriage, should they give their time, effort, and heart to someone who does not?

Basically no, 11 months is not too early in my book.

[dudeinohio]

Whatever you do, don't pressure him. You need to let him make the decision on his own. A year is a bit too soon; but still can be successful. Give him time.

[leviopperman]

no you are not rushing. your deadline of 30 sounds smart

[ZSean]

11 months is crazy fast to start thinking of being in a legally binding commitment.

[slatyb]

If you are asking, the answer is yes.