F-ing My Fiances Best Friend

I'm involved in the worst scenario ever. Yes, I am f-king my fiances best friend. My fiance and I have been together for 10 years. I moved to another country for work a year ago - this is a temporary situation, and my fiance proposed 6 months into my trip when he came to visit. My relationship started with his best friend just a month before I moved. There was just something about him that I had to have. He's a mysterious bad boy.

The sex with the best friend is the most amazing sex that I've ever had in my life. It's like an addiction and I always want to crawl back to his apartment for more. I get so wound up in it, that we've been out in public together, and I say to myself, "If my fiance finds out, f*** it, I'll just be honest". I can't distinguish if this is just lust & sex, or if I really love him.

Oh, I forgot to mention that my sex life with my fiance is realllllly dull. Is it right to marry a guy where the sex has already gone down the toilet ? I'll have to deal with this (or cheat) for the rest of my life ! So, this new situation makes me glow...maybe it's the satisfaction that I am receiving.

So, I've been weighing my options. My fiance is my best friend. He is a good, hard working practical guy that will always be a good provider, good father to children, loves me deeply, but is emotionally absent from my needs most of the time nowadays. I know for the most part, we are in this for the long haul, but it's somewhat of a convenience thing at this point. We are 31 years old. My girlfriends shake their heads and think that my pending marriage is the worst idea possible. They think that "I am not ready to settle down".

Or, do I go after the mysterious best friend where everything will be uncertain ? The best friend has past addiction issues, is a smoker, conducts business with shady people. He doesn't answer the phone very often when he sees my number from overseas - which drives me out of my mind - and makes me wonder about him 24/7, but when I come home every few months he calls me right away and we get together a few times when I am in town. Recently called and told me how much he missed me and didn't know how he was going to cope with when I come home, so I really don't know how to feel about where him and I stand.

On top of all of that, a successful guy at work is in love with me and wants me to dump everyone for him. He just gave me a plane ticket to meet him on his business trip in Spain. I am going to spend a week in Spain with this guy from work. He's 34, single, fun, but ugly.

Or, do I marry the fiance, and keep the others on the side to stay happy ? I reallized when I reached my 30's, that relationships are not black and white, there are many shades of gray if you know what I mean. I wouldn't put it past my fiance that other things are probably happening in his life while I am working abroad this year...HELP !
F-ing My Fiances Best Friend
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