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I've never been one for internet dating or communicating something personal and profound to a loved one through a text message, email, or an instant messenger. Spoken words, or lack thereof, when in a relationship can speak volumes about the sincerity and genuineness of what we are saying. Language was a primary means of communication for much of our existence, we learned to talk by mimicking our parents and peers. Some of us even take up a variety of different languages.
When speaking angrily, our tone and body posture almost immediately speak volumes about how we are feeling, even when we cannot understand the other person's native tongue. Science has discovered that these different tones we use when expressing ourselves emotionally or verbally, are universal. On every continent, save for Antarctica, there are 7 tones of voice we all use.
If you were in Paris and could not speak the language, yet you see a man screaming furiously in french at a woman who is crying, you assume what they're saying. Simply by tone and body posture, yet you do not have to speak the language yourself to catch the context of the conversation between the man and the woman.
So why has internet dating, cyber sex, instant messengers, and all the technology associated with our century become some of our primary ways of communication with other people or our partners? When we get bored or we're very busy; we text. It's easier to press a bunch of number keys rather than to simply search through our contacts list and call the other person. It seems so lazy to me.
I'll admit I am a big texter, but when words will do better than text, I prefer to speak and to hear the other persons tone of voice in response than to receive a text message response. I personally could never start a relationship based off the internet, simply because I would not be able to fully trust the other persons sincerity based off of the written word.
With the rise of the internet, we can completely change our identities, just look at "To Catch a Predator", we can become any one, at any time. We can make ourselves into completely different people. If I'm going to go trolling the internet for my soul mate, I don't want a 70 year old sex offender pretending to be a 20 something single college student. I can gauge a date's potential interest when I am meeting him for the first time and looking at his body language and his tone of voice.
Setting up a potential date on the internet, who knows what I will get. With programs like Photoshop and new voice changing programs, how am I to tell the difference between reality and edited until the actual date?
Love letters don't seem as popular anymore either, those love notes that you leave in your partners clothes (and hopefully they don't wash them) or somewhere you know they'll see it, why they speak volumes compared to a 5 minute email message. I feel like communication between the sexes has gone too high tech, we're forgetting the basics, everything is so fast paced now. In 2 minutes we can send a 120 character text message and know the other party received it, and they can fire back with a response almost as quickly as you can.
My partner speaks three languages, his own native language, which is Bulgarian, then English, and then of course Russian (Bulgaria was occupied by the Soviet Union and all Soviet Blockade countries were required to learn to speak and write in the Mother Tongue). I may not understand when he speaks either Russian or his own native language, but those universal tones give me some insight into his mood.
Even when we don't speak, our body language is completely unbiased, we let someone know when we're lying to them because of the way our body is positioned. We can gauge a potential mate's interest by observing their body language, if they mirror us, we know they're interested because of sheer mimicry that they do not even realize. We don't realize when we position ourselves a certain way, it gives away our true feelings and true intentions.
However, we've forgotten how to properly interpret it sometimes, because we're so used to written messages and reading text, that we seem to be lacking the ability to fully comprehend the broad spectrum of body language. We can train ourselves to become more observant and read these subtle clues that everyone gives off, telling us everything about them without even saying a word.
I believe we firmly depend on our technology for everything, most times, we don't realize how chained to our devices we are. We hardly ever shut them down because we're so fast paced, we need to get instant responses and instant results. We've become lethargic and impatient with simply waiting or listening or reading body language. It's go go go go go go!
I always turn my phone off when I'm wanting to get intimate, I don't care who's going to call me, if my parents need to get a hold of me; they have his number. They know where I am; they know there are other ways to reach me if there's an emergency. Knock on wood I've never had one.
In a technological world, we've lost that downtime, we make love faster, we work more, we worry about all kinds of things. We never take a second to slow down and breathe, we have to be on the up and up, otherwise we're screwed.
I think we all need to slow down, turn the phones off, and start talking and really seeing each other. We need to start speaking in terms of language, tone, expression...
Otherwise we'll always be chained to our technology, even the most intimate moments can be killed by the simple ring of a cell phone, the quick response to a text message, the "oh s*** I have to email so and so". Faster isn't always better.
When speaking angrily, our tone and body posture almost immediately speak volumes about how we are feeling, even when we cannot understand the other person's native tongue. Science has discovered that these different tones we use when expressing ourselves emotionally or verbally, are universal. On every continent, save for Antarctica, there are 7 tones of voice we all use.
If you were in Paris and could not speak the language, yet you see a man screaming furiously in french at a woman who is crying, you assume what they're saying. Simply by tone and body posture, yet you do not have to speak the language yourself to catch the context of the conversation between the man and the woman.
"With programs like Photoshop and new voice changing programs, how am I to tell the difference between reality and edited until the actual date?"
So why has internet dating, cyber sex, instant messengers, and all the technology associated with our century become some of our primary ways of communication with other people or our partners? When we get bored or we're very busy; we text. It's easier to press a bunch of number keys rather than to simply search through our contacts list and call the other person. It seems so lazy to me.
I'll admit I am a big texter, but when words will do better than text, I prefer to speak and to hear the other persons tone of voice in response than to receive a text message response. I personally could never start a relationship based off the internet, simply because I would not be able to fully trust the other persons sincerity based off of the written word.
With the rise of the internet, we can completely change our identities, just look at "To Catch a Predator", we can become any one, at any time. We can make ourselves into completely different people. If I'm going to go trolling the internet for my soul mate, I don't want a 70 year old sex offender pretending to be a 20 something single college student. I can gauge a date's potential interest when I am meeting him for the first time and looking at his body language and his tone of voice.
Setting up a potential date on the internet, who knows what I will get. With programs like Photoshop and new voice changing programs, how am I to tell the difference between reality and edited until the actual date?
Love letters don't seem as popular anymore either, those love notes that you leave in your partners clothes (and hopefully they don't wash them) or somewhere you know they'll see it, why they speak volumes compared to a 5 minute email message. I feel like communication between the sexes has gone too high tech, we're forgetting the basics, everything is so fast paced now. In 2 minutes we can send a 120 character text message and know the other party received it, and they can fire back with a response almost as quickly as you can.
My partner speaks three languages, his own native language, which is Bulgarian, then English, and then of course Russian (Bulgaria was occupied by the Soviet Union and all Soviet Blockade countries were required to learn to speak and write in the Mother Tongue). I may not understand when he speaks either Russian or his own native language, but those universal tones give me some insight into his mood.
Even when we don't speak, our body language is completely unbiased, we let someone know when we're lying to them because of the way our body is positioned. We can gauge a potential mate's interest by observing their body language, if they mirror us, we know they're interested because of sheer mimicry that they do not even realize. We don't realize when we position ourselves a certain way, it gives away our true feelings and true intentions.
However, we've forgotten how to properly interpret it sometimes, because we're so used to written messages and reading text, that we seem to be lacking the ability to fully comprehend the broad spectrum of body language. We can train ourselves to become more observant and read these subtle clues that everyone gives off, telling us everything about them without even saying a word.
I believe we firmly depend on our technology for everything, most times, we don't realize how chained to our devices we are. We hardly ever shut them down because we're so fast paced, we need to get instant responses and instant results. We've become lethargic and impatient with simply waiting or listening or reading body language. It's go go go go go go!
"In a technological world, we've lost that downtime."
I always turn my phone off when I'm wanting to get intimate, I don't care who's going to call me, if my parents need to get a hold of me; they have his number. They know where I am; they know there are other ways to reach me if there's an emergency. Knock on wood I've never had one.
In a technological world, we've lost that downtime, we make love faster, we work more, we worry about all kinds of things. We never take a second to slow down and breathe, we have to be on the up and up, otherwise we're screwed.
I think we all need to slow down, turn the phones off, and start talking and really seeing each other. We need to start speaking in terms of language, tone, expression...
Otherwise we'll always be chained to our technology, even the most intimate moments can be killed by the simple ring of a cell phone, the quick response to a text message, the "oh s*** I have to email so and so". Faster isn't always better.
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