Should I send the daughter of my ex gf a birthday card or not? Need some help?

[Anonymous]

she hates me and makes me out for all sort of things, that she is wrong about. i miss her a lot but i dont think she will come back. anyway, i want to show her that i did care about her and her daughter.

deep inside i hope it will at least do some good, to our bad understandings,( mostly on her part ). I never did her any wrong, but she did to me. i try to reconnect but its hard.

set aside the anger i want to try and reocnnect with her, and sending her daughter a Bd card looks like a good start. at the same time im afraid she will insult me , or disapprove, but should i care? its just a friendly gesture

should i send it? i have it laying here, and I've personalised it with some drawings, jsut a card or maybe 10 euros, not over the top. please look beyond the word ex, she is also someone i loved.

[teammx]

Relationship is about two, if you want to fix something with your ex, do it with her, her daughter must be out of the picture

Send the card if you REALLY want to send it, but just because of her, not her mother. If you really had a good and close relationship you might do it, but even then you might aboid it since it may confuse her. You have to decide if you really want to be a friend of her, but if her mother approves it and only if you were really close and if she's old enough.

NEVER do something that might confuse or hurt innocent people

[Asker]

well im trying to fix it with her, i asked my ex when her daughters birthday was, she understand i ask it for a reason. she told me not to come and i said, i won't come. why tell me your daughters birthday, i asked it for a reason.

well i have to adress it to her mother, since her daughter has a different last name. but i wrote her name on it as well. our relationship was stormy and unstable mainly due to her way in handleing certain matters. when she got pregnant from me, she was so confusing, one day wanting our child another day, not wanting it. anyway, normally i dont send cards to exes or people related to them, but to me she will always be the mother of our unborn child. its not about being a friend to her kid, its just a ncie gesture nothing more. but how could it hurt or confuse? i think it hurts and confuses her daughter more that her mother dates men like she is trying to set a record, im trying to offer some concistency, without knowing if it will be appreciated

[teammx]

You can hurt her or confuse her, remember kids' world is different from our world. She met a guy, she might like him, he dissapeared, "doesn't he love me?" "doesn't he love mom?"

What you might do is adress the letter to her mom, with a bigger envelop and let her decide if she wants to give it to her. I'm also writing without knowing her daughter's age, its obvios that if she isn't old enough the letter will pass between her mom's hands. In the envelop you can send a short letter to her mom, then you might get the result you're talking about without hurting

[Asker]

her daughter will turn 8, and i can imagine that she maybe wants to buy something or save some money for a toy. so i just want to put 10 euros in it, its not much but enough. the envelop is adressed to her mom, but i put a sticker on with her daughters name on it. i think she recognizes my handwriting, im not sure. is that ok?

[parkway]

Send the card to the little girl. The young girl needs to know that you care about her. At the same time the girl is a door to the mothers heart.

Good luck.

[Asker]

yes, i dont care about those insults. i see it different, she also played hide and seek with me, tell me how cool she thought it was that i bought her those fake cigaret chewinggum she wanted, or drawing with her, or she reading an ecyclopedia with me and asking me things. it wasn't always bad, her kid mostly acted in such a way because her mother was upset with me, and she got upset easily. 75 % of the times i didn't even know what it was about, always have been very kind to her. im just going to send that card and 10 euros, so she has some money to save or spend. kids should learn to handle money. im scared of my ex s reaction but i have more to gain than to lose, because she hates me. still have her on social media so that must mean something, and she becomes more responsive but still makes this mean insults that make no sense. posted a picture of myself with a redy on fb, because she miscarried our child, and i felt bad, and she called me crazy for that , so i deleted it hmmmm

[Anonymous]

Do not send it. It's going to seem (and honestly sounds like this is the case) that you only care about getting back with your ex. Using someone's child as a tool to get someone back is WAY fucked up. And here's a better start, it takes TWO people to argue and disagree. It doesn't matter who or what started it. There is NO WAY in hell that it could have been "all her". Take some time to put yourself in her shoes to re-evaluate what YOU'VE done wrong, and then go talk to her, apologize. That's how you will, if you can, get her back..

[Asker]

not trying to use her child as a tool, the poor kid has no father in her life, and im not her father or try to take up on that role, but her mother dates men like she is lighting up cigarets. i just want to show them that i did care about them, yes, maybe they throw awya my card, take the 10 euros, maybe she thanks me for my kindness, maybe she will insult me again to not write to her kid, which i never did. her 7 yo daughter had me on fb, wrote to me, i never started a single conversation with her kid. i just want to show her kid, that im not like those other men, that only come for her mother and forget about her. i played with her kid, drawn things, give her old toys i didn't use anymore. its more of a kind gesture than anything because im well aware that she might start hating on me again.

[Opinion Owner]

That's nice.. You need to call your ex, and tell her yes you miss her, but you also miss her daughter. And if she doesn't want to get back together just tell her you still want to be there for the lil' girl and that you love her. If she's a good mother, she will love that. And, at least let that happen..

[Asker]

ill post the card and the 10 euro bill in it, today, should get there Friday or Saturday. Saturday would be awesome since thats when her birthday is. ill text her, and tell her, that i wish her and her daughter the best , and that hopefully one day things between her and me can get better, because i do miss spending time with you. ... i hope she will not send hatefull things to me, but what do i have to lose, I've already lost. thanks for your kind words

[kittykatbrat]

The past is the past... leave it there
You can't convince anyone of anything, despite the truth.
Don't reignite all of her bitterness, blame and irrational thought.
Why you still miss her is a mystery to me.

[Asker]

the past could also be the future... what i miss about her, is her good side, deep inside she isn't this bad person, but her behavior is far from normal. i dont know what i will trigger if i send that card, maybe she will thank me, maybe i get no response, its not just about me trying to score some points, i did really care about them. and maybe she hates me but i dont hate her, and i want her to remember that it wasn't always like this. if she would just be open to just listen to me, to be honest, im scared of sending the card because i dont know what it will trigger. im not stalking her, haven't been near her place for 2 months now, i send a text on an irregular base and she does become a bit more responsive. fact is, im worried about her, the people she hangs around with , the weird hours she is offline or online. she needs serious mental help but at the same time, she is still this girl that i loved and shared a miscarriage with

[kittykatbrat]

Men can't ever save self destructive women from themselves dude.
I know this because sadly I am one.

I wish you every happiness with an emotionally stable grrrl who is actually deserving of all that you have to give and can reciprocate it.

[Asker]

well at least you dare to admit it, maybe its not about that at all, i dont think i can save her. if she makes me out to be crazy, and i see that type of people she associates with, drugs criminals, or all sorts of low lifes, clearly tells me she is out of touch with reality. i have an above average iq, never been on contact with police, actually, currently im applying for a job at the police. Friday i have my next test sessios. anyway. why dont you try to change than, you know something is wrong and you do nothing about it. my ex gf told me that she was crazy , and needed to see a psychotherapist and actually made an appointment. 1 week later she canceled it and made me out to be the crazy person, a psycho and evil individual, which im not. maybe i just want to send that card , so i know i did something nice for someone i cared about. sometimes i dont get it with women, you, her, why won't you just admit something is wrong, you want to end up alone or worse death , stop being naieve!

[kittykatbrat]

I have already changed MUCH about my life.
I was totally self destructive for very good and valid reasons that I refuse to go into on GAG.
I saw a psychologist of my own volition for two years and have many healthy vices.
My IQ is also above average, like yours, the difference being that I didn't care about myself.
I am a realist who has lived much so is anything but naïve.

Peace and luck.

[Asker]

well in that case you aren't completely self destructive. you went out and looked for help, i don't know if my ex gf ever will. I don't say she is crazy, but she has some problems that harm her and her daughter in many ways. I've seen my ex gf cry, i sat next to her and tried to comfort her, asking her what was wrong. to this day i don't know why she cried, she wouldn't tell me. she was still with me than by the way, not yet my ex. she also attracts guys for all the wrong reasons, she doesn't need 30 yo jobless guys, single father who fled their own children, or guys who post on their fb wall that they want war with russia, kill pedophiles, all sort of homicidal maniac stuff. i dont know what kind of environment she is from but, she is exactly like her mom. i know more about her , than anyone else does, because her uncle and aunt communicated often with me. im happy you get help, and i hope one day my ex will get help 2 and come to see that i wasn't such a bad person after all. i darely miss her

[Sexualchrist]

Fuck no. Never use somebody's children to get to them, that's wrong.

[Asker]

not doing that, its just a kind gesture. nothing more, and im just hoping for a side effect, in a way that she does realize that im not this bad person. but you know why im not using her child, because if i knew she would appreciate it, i would be using her child as a tool, but in her case i dont know if she will apreciate it or not. on the phone i asked her when her daughters birthday was, she told me not to come and i said dont worry i won't. but come on she can't be that stupid, there must be a reason that i ask about her daughters birthday. dont want me to know, dont tell me. quit frankly, im scared of sending that card, because i dont know how she will respond. its true im not a part of their lives anymore, but i was a part of their lifes, and that must count for something. for gods sake, she miscarried our child., im sorry but i can't hate or and i refuse to get so angry that i just demonize her in anyway. she needs help because she is sick, but she is still the girl i loved

[Redlily78]

Send it. It's for her daughter not your ex.

[Asker]

i agree, it is for her daughter, its just a simple 3d card, made some drawings, and put a 10 euro bill in it, nothing special or over the top. she will probably start an argument with me, block me on social media in extreme cases or hate on me. she doesn't want me to write to her kid, but its her kid that added me on fb, yes a 7yo with fb wtf, i never started a single conversation with her daughter. im just being kind here, her kid has no real men in her life, all she sees is guys coming by to see her mom and thats it. her dad is in jail, and yes her kid insulted me, but also played with me and sometimes wanted me around. im just trying to give some consistency in her life, by just sending a card and if she wants to call the police on me, fine, i haven't done anything wrong, haven't been near her place for at least 2 months now, im not cyber stalking her, or treathening her. i hope what they say is true, kindness goes a long way, im not to sure with her but im willing to take the risk

[MissAnna_B]

yeah. you should. you very kind

[Asker]

thanks, some people agree, some disagree, its not about the card or the 10 euro bill in it, its about the gesture. i dont know what to expect but ill give it a try. kind of sad that the girl that was pregnant from me, can be this hatefull.

[MissAnna_B]

its okay for me. no need to think what others think. just follow your heart

[Anonymous]

Don't. --------