Boyfriends remembering birthdays -- why is it so important?

[Anonymous]

What does it mean to you if your boyfriend remembers your birthday? What meaning do you derive out of it?

Updates

+1 y

A summary to save time for those who would like to respond. "If my boyfriend remembers my birthday, he thinks I am important. If he doesn't, the opposite". This is assuming your boyfriend thinks with your brain, which obviously is not the case.

Updates

+1 y

A clarification for those who somehow got the impression that I am against celebrating birthdays --- I celebrate my girlfriend's birthday with her every year, for years. I am asking this question to learn WHY girls think what they think.

[Anonymous]

From reading the other comments it seems like you're really stuck in your own world. If you actually listened to what the girls are trying to say, you would understand. It's cool that you don't believe in birthdays or care much for it, so she doesn't have to worry about your birthday. But if it means something to your girlfriend then remembering her birthday should be important to you.

In your mindset, you're basically ignoring what is important to her, and only care about how YOU feel about birthdays. That's being selfish. If you don't think caring about a person involves caring about what she believes is important, then you got things twisted. Just remember the date (you got that down) and celebrate it, its easy. And your "lines" are pointless unless you plan to celebrate every day with her, all she needs is one EXTRA special day for her. If she's worth it, you wouldn't even have to ask this question.

[Asker]

You are missing the point here. I am trying to understand girls' perspectives here, why they think something, in this case birthdays, are important.

[Anonymous]

It's a considerate act and an acknowledgment. If you can't remember my birthday, one day out of the year then maybe I am not that important to you either. Which in that case, why should we be in a relationship? If you are not willing to do at least a small gesture of "hey happy birthday honey" then how much do you really care about her?

The fact that you are even trying to debate why acknowledging a birthday is important and that it doesn't matter speaks a little bit about how self involved you are. You seem to think that since you have a certain viewpoint that's the only thing that matters and she should just deal with it. Being unwilling to bend isn't very attractive. Look people have different ways of seeing things. You don't think bdays are a big deal but most women do. If you care about her, why not just humor her and remember her birthday to make her happy?

[Asker]

Most of your comment is addressed by my reply to Anonymous just below. If you read it you will see thatI told Anonymous I celebrated my girlfriend's birthday with her for years. You are missing the point here. Also, "If you can't remember my birthday,... important to you either", this is assuming I am thinking with your brains, which obviously is not the case.This is also why I am asking girls this question, because I know they think with their brians, not mine.

[Anonymous]

It is like anything special that someone who loves you does. It means they are recognizing and validating your feelings. Now, if your girl could care less about having her birthday celebrated, then you would validate her feelings by not celebrating. If you just want to argue against how your significant other feels and what they enjoy, have at it but it is a losing battle and just the tip of the iceberg of other things that you will be doing to show that her feelings are not important and only what you think is valid is valuable.

[Asker]

My answers to Anonymous above addresses your comment a bit. "If you just want to argue against ...", true, but I am not interested in that, she feels what she feels. I am interested in why so many girls want their boyfriend's validation, or celebrate their existence (birthday is about physical existence). Isn't the fact that their boyfriends' choosing them as girlfriends enough proof that they are happy they exist, for one? Why is this constant reassurance needed? Do you see the significance?

[TwinkleToes0302]

Wanting reassurance has nothing to do with being male or female - it's just part of being a human being, everyone wants to know that they are loved and cared about, it's just that women seem to need more reassurance than men because we're just more emotional creatures and thanks to the way society is, women tend to define themselves in terms of how others view them. And by the way being with someone doesn't always mean you love them, I've seen cases which prove otherwise.

[Asker]

"women tend to define themselves in terms of how others view them". Good observation. This stems from, and further creates, low self-esteem and insecurity. "being with someone doesn't always mean you love them", true, neither does saying happy birthday to someone.

[Asker]

"Wanting reassurance has nothing to do with being male or female" -- this need has everything to do with immaturity, low self-esteem, and insecurity. The more a person needs reassurance, the more insecure he/she about him/herself is, also the lower his/her self-esteem is.

[Opinion Owner]

You are making a mountain out of a mole hill. Celebrate the birthday. Is it really that complicated?

[Asker]

My "update" at the top addresses this reply of yours.

[Opinion Owner]

This isn't about girls and birthdays, this is about validation. Everyone likes to know their partner is hearing them.

[Asker]

TwinkleToes0302's points (above) and my reply addressed your point. The more insecure a person is the more he or she needs other's validation. Hearing what you said is communication, confirming what has been heard is like a waiter repeating your order to you to ensure it is correctly received. This has nothing to do with validating your existence, which is what birthday celebration is really about. Your earth existence starts at that point.

[Opinion Owner]

You are delightful. :)

[Anonymous]

I know guys think differently and don't see remembering birthdays as being important but girls tend to feel that guys would make a small bit of effort if they care enough since you KNOW it makes us happy and feel appreciated.

And it's not even like I expect much - a phonecall to your girlfriend on her birthday is hardly a difficult thing to do or remember!

[Asker]

If your boyfriend says to you, "I don't want to celebrate your birthday, not that I don't remember, I do, but because when I think of you, time is meaningless. My love for you transcends time. I don't care when you were born, nor how old you are. I don't live in the past. I only care that we are happily together, in eternity. That's why your birthday, which is a man-made time demarcation, is meaningless to me", how would you feel?

[Opinion Owner]

I would feel like he isn't willing to make a small bit of effort to do something to make me happy. I understand if a guy isn't huge on celebrating birthdays, and I don't mind not doing anything special for my birthday, but come on...I think it's reasonable enough to expect a short phonecall from your boyfriend on your birthday. If you KNOW it's going to make your girlfriend really happy just by a quick phonecall, why would you not make the little bit of effort?

[Asker]

Actually I do more than that. If you say, remembering a girl's birthday means I remember her, that doesn't make senses -- I wouldn't be seeing my girlfriend if I have amnesia! So, what exactly is the reason why you feel appreciated when your boyfriend remembers when you were born? Is it something so deep that it is difficult to put into words?

[Opinion Owner]

Well good for you, what's the problem then?!?!

The guy who answered as Anonymous is right, you're just stuck in you're own world.

It's just nice when someone special to you remembers the day you were born as being a day that was special because you came into the world as because he cares about you, SIMPLE AS THAT.

What's wrong with you? You asked a question but can't seem to accept the answers you get as being the truth about a girl's point of view.

[Asker]

If I am stuck in my own world I wouldn't be asking this question which is an attempt to understand things from a girl's perspective. The problem perhaps is I want a thorough understanding and not a superficial one -- all because it is of such importance to girls. Let me see if I can express this better. If your boyfriend remembers your favorite color, you probably wouldn't appreciate it as much as his remembering your birthday. You may even say, "Color? No big deal. But birthday, different!" Why?

[Opinion Owner]

It is of importance because it was the day we came into this world and when a boyfriend acknowledges that it's a special day since we came into existence on that day (by simply wishing us and letting us know he remembers), it makes us feel special and that's all. We have all answered your question but you can't seem to accept that there is just nothing more to it than being remembered on the day celebrated as the day we came into the world. You seem to have some serious issues with comprehension

[Asker]

Actually, before I asked the question, I have thought about the answer you gave. It wasn't difficult to think of that. What is more difficult to understand is "why is it important to remember which date you are born?", For me, as long as I manage to get born, and still exists, is what counts. Something inside me tells me my existence isn't defined by some man-made numbers, nor time. But I am beginning to see the real reason why some has the opposite view. You've been a great help, thanks!

[Opinion Owner]

So your question shouldn't really be directed at just girls because in general girls and guys celebrate their birthdays.It's like any other holiday, for example Christmas, Halloween, your country's Independence Day. An event you view as special happened on these days and therefore you remember and celebrate it every year. The day your girlfriend was born was the day she came into existence, which is a special event to her and those who love her, someone special to them was born so they celebrate

[Opinion Owner]

Oh yeah and you're welcome, hopefully you get what I mean now.

[Asker]

What I was telling you was that I already thought about the answer you gave, even before I posted the question (before you answer).Do you see that there is a deeper resaon which causes that answer? I wasn't able to see THAT reason, which I called the source-real reason.It is true that many guys don't consider remembering birthdays important, and most girls do.The real-source reason tells a lot about the differences between male/female thinkings, whereas the surface reason (appreciation) doesn't.

[Anonymous]

It's just an acknowledgment. It means that you are important to him and that he took effort to remember and celebrate with you. Your personal views about birthdays are fine, but in acknowledging her birthday, you are doing it for HER. It's an act of love, whether it is an important day to you personally or not. If my boyfriend didn't remember my birthday, I'd feel a bit disappointed and maybe unimportant to him. If her remembered and CHOSE not to acknowledge it formally, it would be worse: I'd feel a bit devalued. It's about celebrating the fact that she is alive. If you celebrate it with her, she will feel valued by you. It's just a basic loving gesture. Why WOULDN'T you want her to feel that? Do it for her sake. Even if your love is "timeless."

[Asker]

That's what I have been doing, celebrating my girlfriend's birthdays with her for years. I just accepted it as if, if she likes strawberry ice-cream, fine, I will buy one for her. If she wants ten cups, fine, she will get ten. This question is really out of curiosity, initially. But now I can see that there appears to be a lot more depth to it. It reflects a fundamental difference in emotional attitude toward life, and existence, between males and females. This is well worth understanding more.

[Tamikaze]

Really it is about a similarity between men and women. We all like to be validated.

[Asker]

"We all like...validated" --- my reponse to Anonymous just below addressed this point, which is a good point. If you read our conversation carefully, you will gain insights to the different between needs of males and females, and the reasons driving these needs.

[lou83b]

if a guy remembers a girl's birthday, it means he cares enough about her to bother learning when her birthday is. The only reason a girl would learn it for a guy is if she liked him and so if he doesn't remember hers it means she thinks he doesn't like her

[Asker]

That's assuming the boyfriend is thinking with her brain, though. It can be that the boyfriend doesn't view birthdays as important except as a general indication of age, and what is important is that she is who she is, not when she was born. No wonder it is so easy for conflicts to arise between the sexes. Looks like they DO think VERY differently! Thanks for answering!

[tallenblog]

Birthdays are very special for a girl. It really is a sign that you care about us and want to make us feel special. Its never just a day of getting older.

[Asker]

If your boyfriend says to you, "I don't want to celebrate your birthday, not that I don't remember, I do, but because when I think of you, time is meaningless. My love for you transcends time. I don't care when you were born, nor how old you are. I don't live in the past. I only care that we are happily together, in eternity. That's why your birthday, which is a man-made time demarcation, is meaningless to me", how would you feel?

[lou83b]

Bottom line is birthdays are important and if you don't want to fight with her, then don't forget her birthday and especially don't tell her you don't want to celebrate it. A person's birthday is their special day of the year and if you told a girl you don't want to celebrate her, she'll think you don't want to celebrate her. So it's just easier for you to suck it up and buy her a present.

[Asker]

My "update" at the top addresses this reply of yours.