He didn't want to see me on his birthday?

[Anonymous]

i saw my boyfriend last night and gave him his card then because I wasn't sure if I'd see him on his bday because he thought his mom had something planned for him. Turns out she didn't. So I had been telling him he's my boyfriend and it's his bday so I'd still love to see him. I got him an expensive present which is coming in the mail in a couple days so we didn't plan dinner or anything. Well he went to dinner with his family and I was expecting to hear from him after. Instead he went to hang out with his fire class who he hasn't seen in a couple months. They use to be like family and I guess they are like his second family. I want to be understanding but am I in the wrong to feel hurt?

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a typical guy who doesn't place much value on birthdays or other times that a girl considers special or romantic. If you really did let him know clearly that you wanted to see him on his birthday, it is a bummer that he did not call you after dinner but I wouldn't be too worried about it at this point. I would try to find a way to let him know you were disappointed but be careful not to get too emotional about it or you will just end up with a resentful boyfriend.

[soccerrun1]

It all depends on how serious the relationship is, how long youve been dating, and how old you are. To him and his family, his birthday might be a family affair and they would rather him not go out. And he might just want to see friends he hadnt seen for a while. If he was a jerk about not seeing you then I would be upset, but otherwise I think its okay. I don't really care much about my birthday, so when girls try to make it a big deal I sort of run the other way

[Asker]

We are in our early 20s and we have been dating a year almost

[soccerrun1]

So you didn't have a conflict with his birthday a year ago? Or were you not dating then? It seems like at this age his birthday would be more social than family oriented and he would be more likely spend it with you

[Asker]

Thats why I'm hurt. he spent it with his fire class not me.

[soccerrun1]

Did you talk about spending it together before? Sometimes things like this that girls find important, may completely go over a guys head. Its just how we view things differently. It probably wasn't that big of a deal to him

[Asker]

Yeah I told him id still like to see him. I mean like I said I kinda see both sides. Maybe he just wanted to go get some drinks (I can't drink yet) and see his fire class who he hasn't seen for a couple months (theyre very close though) and figures he can see me any other day. then another part of me is like if I was important he'd want to see me on his bday

[soccerrun1]

Well the best advice I can give you is to not worry about it yourself or to bring it up to him much. If this is the first time youve had a problem with something in the relationship then you should just let it go and hope for better in the future

[Asker]

I think ill just explain I was a bit disappointed/hurt I didn't see him because I thought since it was his bday I should and just see what he says

[soccerrun1]

Yeah just don't drive to hard with the argument, because I gaurantee he has no idea you would be upset. Also don't think about it too much or it will seem worse and could hurt your relationship

[Anonymous]

Nope not wrong, you wanted to be with him on his bday, because its a special day etc but he might not feel the same, I don't like the drama etc nothing fun about geting older...everyone is different, if you wanted to spend time with him on his bday you need to let him know but I can see how being left out of his life would hurt you... maybe not the best thing he could have done he has his reasons speak to him about it he might explain it or might not...

[Asker]

Yeah I have a feeling he just didn't think it was a big deal and figured he can see me all the time but he rarely can see these friends so why not.