Is an anonymous gift to your ex a bad idea?

[Anonymous]

Several months back, I purchased a special made item for my then boyfriend. Because it was a special made item it was something only he could use.

It was a quilt with tractors all over it (something he collects) that I then customized with his name.

I planned to give him this gift for his birthday the first part of Jan.

As it turned out, I left him the end of Oct. We were not right for each other, he started playing games and being kind of a jerk. We wanted different tings in life.

I wanted a partner in life to stand next to. He was not ready for that and may never be, but would not admit that. Instead, kept promising things would change.

I saw we were only going to cause each other pain if we stayed together and I told him it was best if we walk away before we hate each other.

We were together about a year.

Now, I'm going though old stuff and find the gift I got him all those months ago.

It is a non-returnable item. Custom made, so no one but him could use it.

It seems a shame to throw it in the trash. Yet, if I walk up and give it to him, he may mistake it as a gesture I want to get back together.

I was thinking of just leaving the gift without saying who it was from.

That way he gets the use and enjoyment out of it, without digging up old things from the past.

Perhaps he would think it was from one of his family members.

Would this be too strange?

Is it a bad idea?

Updates

+1 y

What if I sent it with a note that explaned I got it for him months ago when we were together and figure he should have it now, but it is from a FRIEND only.. I do not wish to start anything back up. Would that be OK or stirring old things up?

Updates

+1 y

Ok. IF I give him the gift, I will make it clear it was made months ago and now is given in freindship ONLY. As I said before, he is a good man-just not right for me.. Just as I was wrong for him. We want different things in life. Thanks everyone !

[lavender]

Give it to Goodwill, find another friend who can use it, stash it away in the back of your closet, or throw it in the trash can. But no I don't think that it's good for either of you for you to give it to him. And your asking a family member to give it to him is like asking them to be a bit dishonest (you can only pull it off if you were and stilla re good friends with a family member).

Whatever you spent on this item ($20, $100, etc) isn't worth the problems it can stir up.

[Asker]

true. I don't want to cause troubles for anyone.if it wasn't for the customization I could give it to someone else. But I guess it is best to just put it back in the box for now.thanks

[hopefulhookup]

I say give it to a family member of his and tell them you want him to have it but don't want him to know you had anything to do with it. If you sent it secretively he might be thinking it was you and you might want him back stirring up feelings for you again.

[thatoneguy5001]

This is also a good idea.

[Asker]

Good idea. I could give it to his sister to give to him. I know he would really like it, but I don't want him getting the wrong idea about us. Leaving him was very hard and I don't want to bring all that up again. He is a good man - just a bad boyfriend for me. I have stayed clear of him since the breakup because it still hurts. Someday, perhaps we can be just freinds (we were friends for years), but for right now it is best for us to stay away from each other until those old feeling fade away.

[Asker]

Thanks for your help!

[Anonymous]

don't make it anonymous. just give it to him from you

[Asker]

Yes. That would be best. Like I said in the update. If I send it, I will say when I got it (months ago), so he doesn't think I just had it done yesterday and that now it is given in freindship only. Thanks

[thatoneguy5001]

That would make me very, very uncomfortable, honestly.

I would say (if you guys are friendly) just give it to him. I wouldn't mistake it as a gesture of that kind if I got it on my birthday. Helps also if you get a boyfriend beforehand, or go to see him with another man on your side at least. Explain to him where it came from, too, so he doesn't think that this is a fresh thing on your part.

[Asker]

I'm not ready for a new boyfriiend yet, so a new guy on my arm will not happen any time soom. But I can see your point. He and I still care for each other, but are not good for each other. That's just the way it is sometimes. I just don't want to toss it, or keep it and can't give it to someone else. Perhaps if I wait long enough we might be friends again and I could give it to him without confusion. That might be awhile, but that's OK . Thanks

[Anonymous]

Do not get him anything. That screams creepy and desperate. -_-

[Asker]

As I said above, it was something from months back - not recent. But I desided to just get rid of it anyway.