Can you ever trust a guy with a bad reputation

[Anonymous]

Ok so I have been best friends with this guys since we were freshers at University 4 years ago.We have always gotten along brilliantly and been very comfortable with each other,we can literally talk about anything.He is a total player,I have seen a fair few women fall for him but its like they mean nothing to him.He never forms an emotional bond.Anyways last night we ended up going for a walk.He seemed very quiet and distracted,I knew something was bothering him so I asked him about it.He said he would never want to ruin our friendship so I could just forget what he was about to say if I wanted to but he needed to say it.He basically blurted out that he has had feeling for me for quite a while but didn't think he was really deserving of me.I feel the same but I can't help but wonder what right I have to think I will be different from any of the other girls?I am not sure if I can trust him in a relationship.What is the best way to handle this?

[vmw2008]

Not usually. Guys that have trouble forming a bond with women take a very long time to finally mature. It's not to say they never will, it's just risky and unlikely to be you. It would be one thing if you just simply "heard" he was a player, but you pretty much know first-hand. Also, there's a difference if he just wasn't meeting the right girl, or enjoys stringing them along for sex/attention and hurt them without remorse.

I'd make him work for it, hard. You don't have to agree to anything, just see how far he is willing to go. If he's really going to change, he'll show it through consistent respect and attention on you. A player who's lying can't sustain that for very long before their disrespect comes out, he sleeps with other girls, stops showing as much affection, etc. You literally have to agree to nothing, just see what he does before you get your emotions involved. Also, don't take it personally if it doesn't go the right way. Odds are, he loves himself way more than he's capable of loving others right now.

[Asker]

Its kinda tough.I know everything you've said is right.I want to believe him so much.Its a matter of deciding weather to with my heart or my head

[vmw2008]

Well like I said, you don't have to make a decision yet. Let him prove it to you. If he's not willing to prove it, then you have your answer and you won't get hurt.

[blackrose21]

I give people the benefit of the doubt- I trust them until they personally give me a reason not to trust them

[BondServantOfChrist]

"Distant" was right on. I concluded my answer after simply reading the title. DO NOT TRUST HIM! Jerks like this guy make me mad cause they don't know how to treat a woman with respect and are little boys in reality

[Asker]

I feel a little bad now.I didn't mean to make him sound like a monster or something.He is a good guy.I am just not sure if he is ready to commit even if he wanted to

[Distant]

All I have to read to answer this is the tittle and the answer is "No, you can't.". What makes you any more special than all of the other girls that he's told the exact same thing?

[Asker]

That was my first thought and I guess there isn't anything that makes me different

[Distant]

So you shouldn't assume you are different. That's how girls fall for this kind of thing.

[Asker]

I just need to figure out how to go about turning him down without making things awkward I guess