Is it bad I’ll never trust any guy I’ll end up with?

[Anonymous]

I just get this really strong feeling that I’ll get cheated on or they’ll leave me after a short while. And no matter what I do it won’t be good enough for them to stay. Unfortunately, this feeling isn’t going away because it’s a gut instinct.

Updates

+1 y

Like it’s so strong I can predict what’s coming even before it happens.

[etsylo]

Has it happened before? If it has happened before, I can see why.
If it hasn't, you shouldn't shy away from potential love along the way.

Either way, this mentality can really be crushing if you try to pursue relationships down the road. It makes it hard to maintain the relationship and your own happiness from the paranoia involved. It's like sabotaging yourself and your happiness. Could you explain more about what made you feel this way, what happened, whatever is more comfortable for you.

[Asker]

No, it hasn’t happened. But, I know how men are these days. They’re not loyal.

[etsylo]

That's a really bad mindset to have. I can't blame you though, most men nowadays aren't loyal but the same goes for women too.

I recommend you to try to let your guard down if you want love someday. Categorizing every man as unfaithful is kind of unfair to the men out there who are worth it. It's not easy to find someone worth it, but when you do, it's always so nice to have.

[Asker]

Nope! I’ll never let my guard down.

[etsylo]

Being close-minded is not always good, but it was just my own insight given to you. Not to change your mind but just to give thoughts

[Asker]

Men don’t even like me. So I’m not to worried 🤷‍♀️

[Asker]

*too

[etsylo]

😭 goddamn, why don't they like you?

[Asker]

I’m not what they’re looking for.

[etsylo]

That sucks, just do know everyone has different wants. I wish you the best of luck, single or not either one is alright < 3

[JustAsking2023]

My wife is the same, you just need to find someone that understands how and why you feel like that. Over time the feeling will start to go away.

At first my wife was like that thinking I will leave her or cheat on her. But I did understand that it was not because of me it was because of her past ex boyfriends. As our relationship went on she started to be less and less worry about it and now she don't bring it up at all. Yes she still looks in my cellphone but if you are a honest guy you will not mind or care.

[Asker]

Because you don’t know when the love of your life will turn on you. No matter how many years you’ve been together. People can switch just like that.

[JustAsking2023]

If you find the right one they will never. But if you find someone that is dishonest, yes your right. Or if someone that does not love you, yes your right.

Remember we can love someone but it doesn't mean that they truly love us back. This is why you need to test people and their love. To see if it is love or a lie.

[Asker]

I rather just die alone. It’s easier and I don’t have to risk getting hurt. It’s not worth it.

[JustAsking2023]

I used to think that way, so did my wife and we both say to each other that we are much happier with each other, love can't be explained as it is so complex you just need to learn to test love and then you will see what is fake love and what is true love.

[caring__1]

Learn about self-fulfilling-prophesies. When we're sure something will happen, we generally cause it to happen. That way, you don't have to accept responsibility for anything, as you declared it would happen from the start. We have the option to choose any life we wish. You're choosing a life of deception and pain. Don't complain about that which is chosen.

[Asker]

It’s why I’m straying away from relationships. I can’t trust men.

[collie22]

I get you don't trust. Maybe you should stay alone tell you feel different

[Asker]

I don’t think I’ll feel different but that’s my plan.

[lightbulb27]

its not good. that's called being hurt in the past, which requires healing... otherwise, you project it into the present. There methods of healing that, do your research.

Basically, you won't allow anyone close because of fear of loss. That's not healthy. Nothing can be achieved that way. Columbus would have sunk 100ft out in the ocean if he thought like that.

[Asker]

I rather protect myself than risk ever putting my trust into someone that’s going to turn on me.

[lightbulb27]

Have you discovered God and Christ yet, for perspective on humanity?
How much have you examined yourself and what you want out of life?
In short... all of humanity is emotionally wounded. It's fairly well understood how that happens. You have issues with trust, vulnerability and that is established early in life from 0-2years old. So resolving this issue involves sorting out the truth and lies deep in yourself, addressing the wounds you took early in life. Those are impacting your ability to have a full life.
If you want to gain power over yourself, it can be done. It's hard work. That is humanity and life.
Seek out Christ in your heart as first step if you haven't already. Have you done that?

It's your life. Realize... everyone, not just you, is in the same situation... just in different ways.

[Asker]

I haven’t and I won’t.

[lightbulb27]

It's your life to sort out... all anyone can do is offer advice. you have to make the choices. for what it's worth, I know people in their 60's dealing with their childhood issues. nobody... wants to face their "themselves"... it's hard.

[JacobJordan]

definitely not a great thing. you are largely creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. a massive number of guys don't cheat and never would. but if you refuse to believe that he isn't cheating eventually he likely will or he'll walk away. you just need to work on yourself and realize that you have worth and are deserving of respect and honesty etc and then you'll start attracting the kind of guys you want

[Asker]

If he cheats, then he just proved he had the intention to cheat on me all along.

[Asker]

Sorry, but I need to protect myself.

[JacobJordan]

Not necessarily. Some people would never cheat but if accused enough times of it they just give up trying to deny it happening and make it true. That is why it is a self-fulfilling prophecy

[Asker]

Then they proved their partners right. Now, they’re classified as a cheater.

[Asker]

Honestly, I think it’s not wise to really trust your partner. You may never know what they’re doing behind your back.

[Unit1]

Bad? I can see you are trying to protect yourself. And I'm not going to say "its bad". The side effect is that at the same time you are also not letting in a good man.

How do I know? Well its not what you think it is in my case.

[Asker]

There’s no such thing as a good man. Even good men can turn on you and betray you. Even if you’ve been together for years.

[Unit1]

This is a classification of damage beyond repair. You've made your choice.

[Asker]

To be honest, I feel nothing anymore. All my hope is practically gone.

[Unit1]

Understandable. I felt beat down and apathetic too in my past. It feels like being dead. Dead.

[ohmyguy]

Hell yes its bad. .

It's a brutal pandemic within itself
As it's plaguing relationships n possible future ones to a worse reality than we face now..

Perpetual shallow surface level impulse driven superficial relations every transforming into a slightly worse image of its self worse than last.. cause unfortunately.. we gave our innocence to unworthy individuals. A time too many. It's no wonder I only get buried by woman cause the ass they married..

ForeShame

[Shy_Steve]

That's because your dating the same types of Guys, Your gut instinct is usually right.

Because in a good relationship you would feel good wouldn't you so if your in a bad relationship you would still feel it, But odviously the feelings would be bad wouldn't they.

So try approaching a different type of Guy like a Shy Guy.

[Asker]

I’ve never dated before and I don’t plan to now. I can be with my partner for years and he’ll turn on me. I know he will.

[Shy_Steve]

I understand, But that's not every Guy.

Don't let one Guy define your dating future because you will only be punishing yourself and making yourself less Attractive other Guys.

[Asker]

I was always seen as unattractive to men. What would it matter to me if they see me as unattractive now?

[bededazzle]

unfortunately, you can't have a relationship without trust. you should work on this. you would not be the first person to have trust issues and resolve them. in your case, I think you should see a therapist.

[Asker]

Being single is the safest choice

[Asker]

You can’t get hurt

[bededazzle]

that’s true

[bededazzle]

you know i was just thinking though—so your question is if this is “bad”. well no, it isn’t at all. if playing it safe is your goal, then it’s good to be single. no problem. i think what happens is people might assume that you’re struggling because part of you wants a connection. i think you should make it clear what you want. anyhow, no one has the right to judge your choices. it seems like they are just trying to help based on an assumption that you are struggling with yourself

[Chandelier8]

No, you don't have to be with a man if you don't want to be and based on what I see here, your instincts are right for about 70% of the guys here. Not all are men are bad people but many are.

[BoopBoopBeep]

You're likely making it happen with all the negativity of "he's going to cheat on me eventually"... because if he's going to get blamed for it anyways...

[Asker]

Because he will! It can be years and then BAM! He’s fucking another woman.

[Anonymous]

When women say they dont trust or hate men it's usually because they don't have any good men in their life so they don't have any way to vet potential partners. They don't have a good guy to compare them to and don't know what to look out for. It isn't men you dont trust, it's your judgment.

[Asker]

I’ve never been in a relationship. And I don’t plan to start now with how cheating has become more common these days.

[Opinion Owner]

Then your problem is you're going off of the experiences of other people instead of your own. The people who get cheated on are again the people who don't (usually) have any way to vet partners. You shouldn't avoid relationships just because other people have poor judgment.

[Asker]

I talked to someone on here the other night. It was a guy and him and his wife were married for 20 years. Guess what happened? He cheated on her with another married woman. Both of them had kids. He said his wife didn’t do anything wrong but he was unhappy. So…. what does that tell you?

[Asker]

It tells you that no matter how long you’ve been together, your spouse is bound to cheat sometime. And the soul crushing part is you don’t know when it’s going to happen.

[Hulk_kitty]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/jnvjVTfnAJA

don't worry.

[Asker]

He’s got a point

[Hulk_kitty]

Well if you listen to him, you will survive. You have to believe in yourself, you can handle getting hurt in relationships. Remember getting hurt, comes with the terrority with relationships. you can't escape that.

[Fireguy17]

trust is a very large part of any relationship, without it you don't have anything.
unless you can figure out how to trust people you might just as well start adopting cats.

[Asker]

Why do guys always attack women with the cat lady insults? I don’t get what you’re trying to accomplish by doing that. By just saying that, you make the single life even a better option.

[Asker]

What, you think that we’ll cave in and hop on your dick or something?

[Fireguy17]

Someone seems a bit defensive.
I have cats.
They are much easier to get along with than women.
And they poop in a box so you can go away for a few days and they are fine.
Dogs have to be let out every so often.

[Asker]

I have a dog who is more loyal than men.

[Fireguy17]

I have cats that are better than women.
You know what you are getting and they don't try to change you.
The accept you for who you are.

[Asker]

Eh, at least you got pussy 😂

[ProbablyClueless]

That sounds extremely bad. Not being able to trust anyone is definitely not healthy. It's also probably a self fulfilling prophecy.

[Asker]

Because I know it’s going to happen. I can feel it in my bones. And I refuse to take that risk.

[bowenw]

I don't believe it is possible to have a satisfying long-term relationship with someone who is not trusted.

[Asker]

No one’s trustworthy

[Mark987]

Unfortunately when it happens once.. almost everyone has their guard up. I am the same way but over time you have to learn to be more vulnerable.

[Asker]

No way! Not in this world these days.

[Mark987]

I know I have to agree and it's on both sides ( Women, and Men). I personally have a very big trust issue... after getting cheated on.

[Cl0core]

There’s nothing bad about protecting yourself. You’re protecting yourself because you’ve likely been hurt. But if you want a healthy relationship with someone you should think about getting therapy. It can help you to open up more and learn to trust.

[Ironic_Method]

I mean... it's probably not great if you want a relationship. Fear of abandonment will wear you or your partner down. Wish I had a solution for ya.

[Asker]

I don’t plan to ever be in a relationship. That’s my solution.

[Ironic_Method]

As long as you're happy with that :/

[Asker]

Whatever works to prevent myself from getting hurt.

[RedInnocent68]

Self-fulfilling prophecies are a dangerous thing. But at least you’re acknowledging the possibility…

[Asker]

I rather protect myself than stupidly trust my partner to not cheat.

[loveslongnails]

Why do you think you'll "end up" with someone in the first place?

[Asker]

I have no idea. I try to get rid of thoughts but they somehow come back. It’s stupid 🤦‍♀️

[LemiaOfThunder]

Trust has to be earn not give you can't look at a guy and think I give him some trust

[Asker]

Of course not. To be fair, I don’t trust men anyway.

[Staximus]

You need to talk to a therapist or something about fixing your negative outlook on life

[Asker]

It’s only relationships I have a negative outlook on.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Yes that's definitely a bad thing cause that means you'll never have a relationship that will work. A relationship can't work without trust

[Asker]

Because there’s no one to trust.

[Bklynbadboy12]

That's not true. It's just easier for you to say it because it's hard to trust

[getwiththepg]

Is it bad? Well I don’t think it’s necessarily a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Courtships are for teenagers and young adults, you are already too old for that, dedicate yourself to work.

[Asker]

Why should I take advice from you when you’re cheater yourself?

[Asker]

*you’re a

[Asker]

And the fact you called me ugly.

[Opinion Owner]

I have never said that I have been unfaithful, in fact since I am already an adult I am not interested in dating either.

[Asker]

Good! You’ll save a poor girl the trouble.

[dudeinohio]

I wouldn't assume this will happen.

[eagle1951]

bad for you

[Asker]

Don’t care. I’m protecting myself.