My girlfriend says I'm too nice and it gets annoying

Weve been dating for a year now and she tella me that I'm too nice and it annoys her... How do I not be "too nice" and what should I do to work on this ... Someone please help

Updates:
We fought most of the relationship and I recently moved. I hate fighting with she but she so stubborn. Something doesn't go her way she blames it on me. Just happend 5 minutes ago . I'm about to go into the marines and its gonna be hard for her but it so I have a better life for me, for her and our future, I got yelled at for it and when I told her she was a control bitch. She started crying


Yes I can be a a**hole but I'm giving up a lot to make this girl happy and its really never enough id hate to break her heart be dumping her but I feel like I have no other option. Both of us have no jobs no license and she wants a kid. I tell her no we need to wait and she gets pissed

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Your girlfriend is an idiot. Sorry but she is. Don't try to work this out with her. Dump her dumb ass. You deserve better. I don't care if no one likes my answer.

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    • I agree wholeheartedly with backagainagain.

    • Thanks for BA. I really thought you would hate my answer but I always give my honest opinion anyway. Now with the updates I definitely think you need to call it off. She sounds impractical and immature too.

    • Pretty much agree with this. if 'too nice' is what he is then why change that? he's being himself.

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What Girls Said 33

  • Don't agree with everything she says. State your own opinion, even if a fight results. Don't put it as your goal to please her but think about yourself once in a while, don't be a doormat, stand up for yourself, be an ass sometimes, ...

    But if that's not you, don't change for her because you'll play a role and you can't keep that up for the rest of your life.

    I understand what she means though. I like an argument and a fight once in a while, but it has to be of the kind where you can make up, not where feelings were hurt in such a way that the relationship should end.

    But if the answers here don't clarify it for you, it's best to ask her. But don't forget to state your own opinion on it as well if you don't agree with what she says.

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  • Basically what anon said, yeah. Don't be a doormat. Don't be afraid to express your own opinions, especially if they don't match hers. Don't go out of your way to please her every single time. It's nice to be around someone who's sweet, but the "yes dear" thing gets old, and fast. Don't be afraid of being more adventurous and doing things your own way.

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  • are you a push over? Do you agree to everything? Maybe she misses fighting because even though you're happy, it's like a sign of passion and the reconciliation is suppose to be a great part of getting closer.

    or so I've heard.

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  • Tell her to stfu and call her a f***in bitch. You know, mix it up a bit. XD Or you can tell her to get over it. I opt for number 2. XD Seriously, if you're really nice then why change? There are plenty of jerks and bitches out there, why be just another one? I'm sure she's more than likely talking about you're nice to others or come off too nice and maybe you're getting taken advantage of. Maybe it bothers her because she doesn't want someone to use you. Don't be a doormat but there is nothing wrong with being a nice guy. I'm sure she likes that you are but maybe you bend a little more for other people more than she think you should. Maybe talk to her about it and see where she is coming from.

    Hope it helps =)

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    • XD I was just joking. LOL. It's only up to you if you believe it's worth working things out with her. Staying with someone because of guilt and not love isn't going to make you happy in the end.

  • If she can't accept how you are, then she shouldn't be with you.

    Would she rather you be too mean or a jerk?

    If she is referring to you not having a back bone , being a push over, or not standing up for yourself then I can understand what she means.

    You need to be stronger, and not be anyones punk.

    But if she is speaking about your interactions with other people, then I see nothing wrong with that.

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  • Don't change yourself to please her. Maybe she sees a lack of confidence, or wants someone more "bad boy," but unless you yourself see something you want to change about your personality, why should it matter what she is saying?

    Unless EVERYONE says you have a negative (like being mean or arrogant or whatever) issue somewhere, all that matters is your own opinion of yourself.

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  • Oh God I know this situation all too well!

    This is how I felt when I was younger (I'm now 26).

    Basically, I didn't really want to feel like I was in a 'proper' relationship. I wanted to feel like the guy was my best friend (with benefits). And if he let me walk all over him, I found it unattractive and saw him as more of a brother...

    It just didn't do it for me!

    Havign said that, this chick may just be a bitch or insecure and needs to realize she deserves a nice guy.

    In my own experience though, being sickly sweet 90% of the time, is really discouraging - it makes me wonder if the guy has any self-worth? Does he not get angry/irritable/annoyed/passionate about life? I need to see that in order to feel compatability as I'm a bit of a hot-head! (Italian baby!)

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    • "Does he not get angry/irritable/annoyed/passionate about life? "

      Agreed. Not having opinions and a constant "yes dear" is annoying!

    • I mean if he's naturally submissive, fine, that's not for me. But USUALLY overly submissive behavior is an act or an outer persona hiding an emasculated, frustrated individual ("Nice Guy TM").

  • hi steveland11,

    I might understand what your girlfriend is talking about. My boyfriend too, is too nice. Sometimes I feel like his friends take advantage of him and it makes me upset. In addition, it annoys me when he is nice to friends that are girls. These girls sometimes confuse his nicest for him liking them and that makes me very uncomfortable. I know it is not his intention to have these girls feel that way and it is definitely not his fault that he is a nice person. To tell you the truth, I don't really have a right answer for you. I tell my boyfriend to tone it down and stop being so nice to girls and his friends but that is hippo-critical of me since the reason why I love him so much is because of his big heart.

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  • Girls are never satisfied (me being one of them) ..you're too nice you come off as a little bitch..you're too mean you are now an a**hole. Continue to be herself, she doesn't know what it means to have a mean boyfriend. I've had a boyfriend that was too nice, and one that was a complete a**hole. I'd take my nice boyfriend anyday. My only advice would be to not make yourself too available. Leave a little mystery. Have your own life, don't make it seem as if it revolves soley on her. So if she texts you, wait a couple hours to respond. I know that sounds like playing games and in a way it is, but it keeps the spice in relationships, just don't overdo it. If she says something stupid, don't just laugh it off with her. Correct her and say something like, "Uhh no. That's not true, Mexico is not a state. Go back to 4th grade." Just be firm but still have a soft side.

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  • A lot of times when a girl says a guy is too nice, the problem is really that he's just stuck on being nice ALL THE TIME. The mistake most people make is assuming that the opposite of nice is "a**hole". It isn't. In a healthy relationship with a good guy, the opposite of nice is "perverted".

    The ideal man is a genuinely sweet, supportive and nice guy who has a dirty mind and clues me in on it every now and then.

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  • i have the same problem my boyfriend is way too nice to me...i have daddy issues and need someone to treat me..."bad" be mean sometimes as in make fun of her if she says something stupid and that does not make sense..tell her one of her outfits looks like sh*t...if she says she looks like crap agree with her..ignore her sometimes...dont be up her ass 24/7...start a fight...thats how I prefer things to be but she may just want you to be a d***

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    • you actually WANT an a**hole?

    • Please get counseling. That's not healthy. I want a guy who won't insincerely compliment me, but I don't want one that will hurt me.

    • Don't tell me to see a therapist. the military said I do not need it at this point in my life. yes I do need the dominance/a**hole in my life. my father left when I was young it all goes back to the daddy issues. you have your preferences just as I have mine. some women need a dominant figure/a**hole in their life to keep them in check.

  • dont do anything. this is you and she should love and respect you for that. she doesn't value you. maybe becase she doesn't know what she wants and she's confused. don't be clingy, give each other space and do something to keep your mind busy. throught this you could figure out what you want and she could do the same.

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  • She is just looking for a fight. Because then when you start treating her differently, she will say things like "what happened to you" "you changed" "do you even care about me" It seems as if this is a game to her. She is just looking for ways to hurt you in the end.

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    • yupppp.

      you start being less nice'. snd shell break up with you for being an a**hole.

  • if you join the marines it may toughen you up a bit and she may calm down after that. you just need to ride it out and see how it goes.

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  • Love changes people, it makes you want to change.

    But, if she's wanting you to be less nice . . . that's kind of odd, in my opinion, unless you are being "fake" nice.

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  • @ How do I not be "too nice" and what should I do to work on this __Dump her. that would be just the right balance of not too nice, not too mean, not crazy.

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  • I know I hate it when a guy is too sweet... Chances are, she doesn't accept compliments extremely well, in that it makes her uncomfortable. Try to pull back on the compliments because they don't seem like much when overdone. Be a bit more dominant, also. It's attractive to be sweet with a dark side.

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  • Rule of thumb for dating:

    Treat the other person the same way they treat you. If she's nice to you one time, be nice to her one time. If she remembers your birthday, remember hers.

    Bottom line: never give anyone too much of yourself. They have to earn it. All the extra attention you're giving her, give it to yourself instead and watch what happens.

    TRUST ME!

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  • Are you being fake-nice and insincere, e.g. Not speaking your mind?

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    • Oh, you called her a bitch because she "yelled" at you? (To most guys, yelling from a girl = saying she doesn't like something and being assertive). Nice. She's better off without you.

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    • I don't know, but I have had plenty of fights in which I never called names, and I have been accused of "yelling" when I only spoke firmly. Some guys recoil at "inside-voice" yet assertive objections as if the girl is a shrieking banshee. He probably wasn't being himself around her and was fake-nice, and it bothered her. And now she's a controlling bitch because she is unhappy about him going into the military. It's scary and hard news to take at first, even if it's best in the end.

    • That being said, Robotic may be right. It's still not okay, but I won't feel as bad for her if she did hurl some insults. I feel like she didn't though, because she started crying. :/ Also I should note that I'm not encouraging you to stay with her. She does sound like she needs help because she has no business pressuring you to have a baby (not okay) when you are both disadvantaged (no job/license).

  • Be yourself! Kind of sounds like she doesn't deserve you... at least she certainly isn't appreciating you like she should.

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  • Ask her why you are too nice and do less of it. Show it once in a while if she is unappreciative of your kindness. That is what I do and people beg for my kindness when I stop giving it to them. Oh well, some just don't know what they got...

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  • its nice that your nice ! would she prefer if you were horrible and being as ass? No . maybe you should just ask her what exactly does she mean or get her to mention it to you when you are being too nice.

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  • she probably means you need to be a bit more witty or teasing in a way

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  • You shouldn't have to be trying to change yourself to please your partner. If you being "too nice" is something you want to change, fine, but don't change for someone else. There are people who would love you just the way you are.

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  • I would try to ask what she means by 'too nice'. For example my boyfriend and I NEVER fight. If I'm mad about something he always gives in and lets me win, he never argues back, sometimes I want to argue, I think it is healthy once in a while to get your feelings out once in a while. Therefore I believe he is too nice. But if you are just caring, and think about her well-being I don't see the problem. Just be yourself and if she doesn't it like you for you then maybe you aren't meant to be.

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  • Don't always let her win.

    I hate when my boyfriend just gives in to everything even if he thinks I'm wrong? Wtf

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  • Stopp caring so much

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  • Ex:

    Boyfriend drops book on me head and accidentally headbutts me while dodging it...

    Boyfriend,"OH I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry ah I'm so stupid! I'm so so so so sorry are you alright oh no no oh no oh no oh no"

    -2 minutes later...

    Boyfriend, "Oh god oh god oh god oh god I'm so so so so so sorry!...etc"

    All while cradling my head in his hand with me telling him I'm fine.

    ^don't do that.

    My boyfriend did that once so it was okay but if it was often I'd get annoyed.

    Check if you're constantly apologizing. :P

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  • make fun of her sometimes

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  • Wow, she needs to hookup with my ex then, she would be begging for a "too nice" guy after him! I wish I had her problem :-/ be yourself, I love being a nice person, don't change that for someone who doesn't appreciate you! But don't get walked on either, gotta find a nice balance, that's what I'm learning.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Stop being her little *itch. Tell her no, and get upset sometimes, what's wrong with you?

    Be a man. Make decisions, don't always leave it to her. Get upset once in a while. Grab her and punish her, not physically, but sexually lol.

    Grow some balls. DUH. But also be nice when you have to be nice, get what I mean? But not all the time.

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    • So he should follow her demand that he change who he is. Because he should _not_ follow her demands. Right 'ok'.

    • Um no, I'm telling him to get upset. Not to listen to her. He can still be nice sometimes, but not always.

  • Treat her fairly and trade yourself fairly too. Don't change your actions to avoid a fight.

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  • Stop doing everything for her. When she asks you to do something, say no sometimes. Don't always put her needs ahead of your own. Have your own life, your own things to do (without her) and give her the bit of drama she needs in her life.

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