I'm tired of being the nice girl!

Question

I feel like I'm tired of being the nice girl.Guys always say they want a nice sweet girl but they never really mean it.Every single guy I've dated,good or bad never appreciated me, took me for granted, lied or cheated and was lazy in the relationship. I'm just so sick of it and at my wits end with guys.I feel like I've given up and I'm done pleasing a guy and I don't want to be sweet anymore, I don't want to do nice gestures anymore, and I don't want to be in a relationship anymore.I'm tired of being the nice girl walked all over and constantly judged for every little thing I do.I just want to be bad now.I want to party and drink, and hook up. I don't want anything serious and I hate the thought of sentimentality and relationships.I just want to be a bitch and speak my mind about anything.I just don't give a f*** anymore and I want to be selfish like everyone else and do things for me.Anyone feel like this?

BigHair · Accepted Answer

I know this response is a little late but I thought that I would add in a female's perspective to this question. @QuestionAsker I completely understand how you feel because I think that I'm in the same boat right now. So my advice is also advice to myself too.

The guys who answered so far have the right idea. Sometimes the only thing that's "wrong" is that you pick the wrong guy. It has nothing to do with being "too nice", just that you took a chance with a guy who ended up being irresponsible with your heart. Sometimes you can't tell upfront if a guy is a bad match, but a lot of times you can. In the future, I'd say just be more protective of your heart and how quick you are to let a guy in on the romantic level. I bet that the guys that messed you over probably showed a LOT of early signs to you that things may not go well but you continued on and put more of yourself out there anyway. Don't worry, that's very common with us girls. I've been there too! What will help is knowing what you want in a relationship, knowing who YOU are (and being comfortable with that), and taking your time to get to know a guy first before getting serious. A lot of bad ones can be avoided just by paying attention to certain clues. It's also good to keep in mind that chemistry with a guy doesn't always mean that he's a relationship match for you. Unfortunately that's why a lot of people stay attached to someone that clearly is no good for them.

As far as the "I'm just going to be bad now" thing...well, you're a grown woman so you're going to do what you want anyway but before you go to that extreme just think it through. There's no need for you to compromise who you are just because some guys aren't treating you the way that they should. If you're confident that you did your best with those losers, genuinely cared, and brought a lot of good stuff to the table, then just own it and be proud. Trust me SOMEone is going to come along and be wow'd by that. It sounds like you just have to tweak your outlook a little bit. I know it's frustrating, trust me, I completely understand (that's how I ended up on your question)! But you have to trust that you can/will get a good guy just by being who you truly are. The guys worth having really do want a good, honest woman. So if it's not in your nature I'd say avoid doing the "bad girl" thing. No need to start developing bad habits this late in the game haha. If you don't want to be in a relationship, fine. It's probably better that you chill and enjoy yourself for a while. But don't be callous because of a few idiots, that's giving them WAY too much control over your life. Not worth it! Just be confident in who you already are.

Lastly in response to 1 of the comments, you don't have to do ANYthing physical with a guy if you don't want to. If your progress is based on how much you give up at a certain point then kick his ass to the curb. (but that's a whole 'nother post, haha)

Hope some of this helps.

ALWAYSclassy · Accepted Answer

Go ahead and speak your mind. Doing that doesn't make you a bad person. It's OK to be nice as long as you don't go overboard and overcompensate. I noticed a lot of Nice Girls and Nice Guys overcompensate. They'll try really hard at being nice and sweet because they want to win others' approval, when all that really does is make them look weak and make them a target for those who want to walk all over them and use them. You can be a good person and still get your needs met. Don't say yes to everything. Don't feel you always have to agree with a guy. You don't have to be a people pleaser.

If a guy doesn't appreciate you, let him know you can find someone that will.

If a guy lies, call him out on it and if the trust is gone, leave.

If a guy cheats, don't take it personally just dump him.

If a guy is lazy in the relationship, communicate and tell him what you need, and if you still arent' happy dump him.

A lot of people who call themselves Nice care too much what others think of them and are really passive aggressive. We all have wants and desires, but if you don't make yourself a priority because you're so busy trying to please the other person and are afraid of rocking the boat of course you're gonna get taken advantage of! People don't respect that. You don't have to do a complete 180 in the other direction, just be more assertive.

But if you do want to hook up and party, nothing's wrong with that. You're young and you're not only going to want the same thing your entire life. Just put yourself first, make sure your needs are met and don't take sh*t from a guy. If he does something you don't like, let him know and don't tolerate it.

TimeAndTimeAgain · Accepted Answer

You're probably being a "nice/sweet girl" in the wrong way. We want a nice, sweet girl, but who doesn't just sit there and let us do everything. If you just wait on your ass and expect us to carry the relationship on our backs, OF COURSE we'll get bored. Of COURSE we'll take you for granted. WE ALWAYS HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING!

So come to us for a change! Give us suggestions! Take us out sometimes! A plan a day for us to spend together! Take us on a crazy ride in which you will blow our minds and we'll love you more than ever. But if you just act like a damn princess the whole freakin' time, and always expect us to do all the "relationship stuff", you can go back to being by yourself. No guy wants that sh*t.

Also, you don't have to be a bitch to speak your mind. There's always a nice way to do it, so give it a try first before you decide to become a selfish bitch for no reason. Disrespect won't get you anything besides a bunch of fake friends and guys who just want to use you for sex, and unless you're OK with that, I suggest you stick with who you are.

Last but not least, don't be so quick to blame your behavior for what the guys did to you. Countless times I see girls chasing after the wrong guys. You're attracted to the wrong people. If they cheat on you and take you for granted, it's not because you're a nice girl - it's because they are douchebags who never wanted a relationship anyways. God knows why they decided to get with you (probably to make out or have sex), but next time, try and open your eyes a little to see who you pick to be your boyfriend.

Here's a hint, the really good guys are the ones you aren't immediately attracted to. They're the guys who won't be so quick to ask you out. They'll just be staring at you from the distance hoping you'll give them a signal. They won't be surrounded by 500 friends. They might not be popular. They might not be in a band. They might not skate or surf. But there's a humongous chance that, despite all those things, they aren't going to end up treating you like sh*t just because you're a nice girl.

Stop chasing after the wrong guys, girl. There's nothing wrong with how nice you are. Unless you just agree to everything, say yes to everything, always agree with him, etc. Also, some "nice girls" think it's cool for them to be innocent to the point where they never feel like making out, or doing ANYTHING sexual. They can't even talk about being naked or sitting on someone's lap without making a big deal out of it. Well if you're like that, KNOCK IT OFF! We don't like that. We have no interest in being with a kid who still giggles when the word "penis" is said. If you're not like that though, and you're just "nice" overall, then again - it's not your attitude, it's the guys you're attracted to.

drummerdude25 · Accepted Answer

In reading this question and some of the responses... I will say this, I'm a guy that appreciates an attractive good girl, but guess what? I never appear on her radar because she's too busy giving all her attention to guys that yes, don't care... :/

Most girls fit into this trend. You need to start pursuing the right guys, the kind that actually care for you, but are maybe a little "too nice" for you... Afterall, do you even give them a chance, or do you just immediately write them off? Chances are, there's nothing wrong with a nice guy like that, and he treats you right... He might not seem as cool or be as popular as the guys you've been with, but you gotta drop the superficiality to find a good guy that will appreciate you. Stop going for the more "challenging" guy, relationships are a big enough challenge as is, might as well find a guy that's really into you and will always try and make it work. But be prepared to do the same for him.

Where being nice and giving makes you feel taken advantage of, overlooked, and frustrated and hurt, there's a world of nice, good guys out there that feel the same way. Why not give them a shot?

Brando · Answer

Well just like how us guys need to have a little edge to us to keep a girl interested, the same holds true for girls. Being so nice, and so sweet all the time can get a little boring. Spice it up, throw in some fire, and don't be afraid to show your real personality. I don't want a mother I want a girlfriend, a woman. What I mean is that I don't want a girl's main concern to be supporting me. Though having a supportive girlfriend would be nice to have, it shouldn't be her primary role. We don't live in the 1800's anymore, most men like their lady to be her own person. I'd get a Bobo doll if I wanted something to constantly be there whenever I needed it lol.

And something else caught me: "I want to be selfish like everyone else and do things for me"...so you want to be selfish...but because everyone else is? Well that's not being selfish, that's being a follower. That's the reason why I said above that it seems like you might be too "motherly" towards a guy. If you want to party and drink, go for it. You can still be a nice girl in the right ways, and but party at the same time. I wouldn't act on something just because you're frustrated or bitter. Do things because YOU want to, and you'll be much happier and also independent (or selfish, however you want to put it).

Notcarelessman · Answer

I like sweet nice girls. where you are coming from I do not exactly know. Given I don't know the background of your relationship and weather or not you two wanted to work it out, or him or you did not know what truly was going on. Perhaps, you need to communicate to your guy that you want him to talk more and be a driver in the relationship. Ask what you want, and be open. I can't judge your state being that I don't know the situation.

islands7 · Answer

Sounds like you can either choose to change your life fro the worse or just book a wild vacation every so often with friends, e.g. single cruises, beaches or Vegas.

I'm tired of being the nice girl!

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