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Do You Know Who You Really Are?

Do You Know Who You Really Are?

Who was I growing up?

Growing up I was quiet, I was the youngest, I was or at least I felt like the "black sheep". I think we can all identity with that at some point in time. I grew up living next to my grandmother who was like a second mother. I grew up not realizing I had a "dad". People would ask "Hey, where's your dad?" My reply? I would shrug my shoulders because really to me what was a dad? He was absent from not only my life, but the lives of my two older sisters. Having siblings we fought, like crazy sometimes, but we loved each other. My mother gave us everything we wanted and more. Not because we deserved it, but because she loved us and was and is a wonderful mom. I grew up like most of us do. Catching lightning bugs; yes lightning bugs, riding my bike, and summers we wished would never end as we laid in the grass looking up towards the stars.

When I was thirteen I played volleyball. One night after a game, I was approached by my older sister who was sitting in the bleachers. She informed me that the person we should've called 'dad' passed away. I was crushed, but for different reasons than one may think. I never got the answers I was seeking from him and even now that I'm an adult I still can't come up with any reasonable explanation as to why he remained absent from our lives. Do I hate him? No, of course not. I have a different type of love for him.

Being the youngest as any of you that are the youngest can understand that I got tormented. My sisters were nothing short of "evil". I can look back now and laugh at some of the things we did to one another even though at the time it seem like the worst thing in the world. I was never the smartest kid in school, but I did graduate, but not without obstacles. In the beginning of my senior year of high school it was discovered that my oldest sister who at the time was 21 years old was diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma in October of 2001. Me at the time being 17, I didn't realize the gravity of the situation. There wasn't and still isn't a cure for this type of cancer and it took her life shortly after the following June. I never said my "peace" with her and that is something I live with daily.

When I was 19, I met my now husband and we conceived very quickly. Shortly after birth we got the devastating news that he too had leukemia. That was a rollercoaster in itself. Some of the darkest days and hardest memories I'll probably ever have. You see, memories can be like a storm. They brew and brew until you finally burst and let your emotions out. After it's over you finally reach a calming point.

Do You Know Who You Really Are?

Who am I?

I am a daughter, a sister, a wife, and a mother. As I've already stated, I have a wonderful mother. I still have one sister left and we couldn't be closer. She is my best friend. Being a wife hasn't always been easy. There are times I literally want to choke him. (Haven't most of us been there?). We have been though a lot and there have been times where I wanted to wave my white flag, but we've traveled a road too long to turn back now. It takes work and that I'm willing to do. I have two children and they are both healthy. Yes, my oldest still has his road to travel, but we all have a road to travel, just it's not always the same road. He's not quite a teenager and already has his life plan in place. He wants to be an oncologist. Which to be honest with his compassion it would suit him well. Who knows where the world will take my youngest, but he's not yet aware enough to decide. I'm sure what he decides will make me just as proud.

Who do I want to be?

I want to be me. I'm not perfect, but that's okay. If I was perfect then I could never have any room to improve. I want my family to know that no matter what life throws them that they have a choice on how they allow it to reflect in their lives as do you and I. Life will not always be fair, but what really is fair? I just want to be me.

Final Thoughts

You may ask yourself why I chose all of this for a myTake, but it's simple. I want you all to know that you're not alone. Everything I've gone through and everything you have and will go through will shape you. We spend so much time on trying to be who we aren't or who we think we should be. Maybe you feel you're alone because you think the world doesn't listen, but it does. The answer is right in front of all of us. We just have to accept it and when we do and we take the time to look around, we just may realize that we are not alone and probably doing just fine. We all fall, but it's the getting up that counts.

So, if you've made it this far, I leave you with one question: Who are you?

Do You Know Who You Really Are?
Do You Know Who You Really Are?
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