Relationships

Trust People When They Tell You Who and What They Are

Trust People When They Tell You Who and What They Are

It seems like common sense to trust someone when they say to you, this is who and what I am, take it or leave it, but some of us can't or won't believe people when they tell you or the world who they are. Some people have it in their heads that, those are just words. Anyone can be changed or can grow--and all they need is a push, and unfortunately, they are under the belief that they are the ones that can and eventually do, do the pushing.

The problems with these types of relationships start with you. You have expectations that someone you are with will change for you, or will grow up because they are with you, or will stop their bad or annoying behaviors for you, or will stop cheating because now they are with you. You have it in your head that you are the golden ticket in their lives and all you need to do is show up, but you are not that other person. You can't want to change for them. You can only change because you want to, so it only stands to reason that they can only change, if and when, they actually want to.

Trust People When They Tell You Who and What They Are

But in the meantime, when you set up lofty expectations and heap them on another person, expect to be burned. If someone says to you at the start of your relationship, I'm a total slob or I can't cook or I don't want children, or I'm a cheater I can't help it, believe them. If they know they are that thing or they are so messed up that they are telling you up front who they are, why they're broken and won't change, believe them. They are warning you, and you need to make the choice to live with that thing for the rest of however long you are with them, or set yourself up for a failed relationship or one where the other person feels like you don't actually want them as they are, but someone they can't or won't be. There is a vast difference between your partner saying, I want help, I want to be fixed, I want to learn, and you nagging or telling them they have to. Don't confuse the two.

Don't play the victim or the blame game 2 years later when, "surprise," your partner is exactly what they said they were. Don't waste your life and energy trying to fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed. People go on and on unhappy for years, simply because they won't listen to that other person telling them honestly who they are. If you are a person who knows what they want, seek that or those qualities out in another person. Don't try to do the fixer upper thing because you'll only ever feel bitterness and resentment towards your partner and the time you've wasted in the the very likely event things don't work out in your favor or you give up everything for them and support them and battle through with them only for them to be fixed, and then decide they want something new. Be honest with yourself and what you want and go for that or play the fixer up gamble and don't be surprised what you end up with.

Trust People When They Tell You Who and What They Are
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