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In the summer of 1999, I was only eight years old when I met him. I met him while riding my bike on a street near our house. In 2019, he just turned 28 years old this past week.
For the sake of privacy, and decency, I won't mention his real name, so we'll go with the proverbial John Doe. As a matter of fact, this is the main reason why I will remain anonymous, so there is virtually no way he could possibly realize who I am talking about. With that being said, this guy lives such a boring life, I doubt he even has the intention of creating a GAG account, let alone engage on this website...
...which is the topic of this take. John Doe is easily the most boring person I've met in my life, and nobody else can even compare. Even his real full name-all three of them-are boring. He is a lifelong Ohioan, and Ohio is a boring state. It's like this guy is destined to be boring, and he has fulfilled his destiny. So, how do we kick off an exciting MyTake which revolves around the most boring man of mankind? Let's get it started.
So, what does it mean to be "boring'?
According to the Google Company Headquarters, the word Boring(adj.) means to be "not interesting", or "tedious." As with most definitions, there is some grey area there-What's "not interesting" to some people, may very well be interesting to others. As far as tedious goes, some degree of being tedious is fine, but what about when it goes too far? Does this jack the "boring" meter up a notch?
With this out of the way, this is clearly my opinion, and only my opinion. However, I've met quite a few people who would agree with me this guy is conventionally boring, and it's now my duty to explain why.
Sports
'
I don't care what country you live in, sports are a big deal, especially here in the USA. While most people enjoy sports, certainly not everyone does. John Doe is one of those people.
Except John takes it on another level. Not only has he never officially played a sport in his life, but he's also never watched a sporting event in his life. Yes, you heard that right. Whether it be on television, in-person, or even to a friend/relative's game, he's never even watched a game/match of anything. He's never even played "backyard" sports, or anything similar to that nature. He was often mistaken as an athlete growing up, because the guy was always very tall, and very broad for his age, but those people were sadly mistaken.
So what? What about other extra-curricular activities?
One doesn't need to be an athlete to have a fun life. That's why there are several other activities to do, which can include drama club. art, music, etc.
Unfortunately for John, none of this interests him either. He's one of three people I've met in my life who don't like any music(you read that correctly), he's never acted in theater, he's never been in any Art Clubs, obviously never been in choir, or played an instrument, and he's never any other type of clubs, or activities.
College
Not for one minute, will I agree with the cliche that college is/was the "best four years of your life." Clearly, a lot of that is hyped up in the media. I didn't have the most exciting college life either-But of course, it was still more exciting than John's college life.
John earned his Bachelor's Degree in Information Technology(IT) at a college about 10 minutes away from his parents' home. This means he just commuted to college from his parents' house, and went back home when his classes were finished. Given that he has still never done drugs, or drank in his life, he clearly wasn't interested in frat parties. He also wasn't interested in any activities on campus. He barely even made friends, and he basically never dated(I'll get to this later on). The guy simply got his degree, and moved on.
Work
This is a bit of a reach. Certainly, work isn't that fun for most of us. However, John takes it to another level, once again.
He didn't get his first job until he was 21 years old, and after he graduated from college, he quickly landed an IT job for a local company, but unfortunately, he was terminated from that job within a year. He claims it was for "no reason", but there is no way for me to validate that claim. After all, doesn't everything happen for a reason?
These days, even at the ripe age of 28, he is now a mascot at a local pet store making 10 dollars per hour(which is also the first job he got in his life at the age of 21). He just stands outside in a dog costume, and waves at people in the parking lot. As far as I know, he's not adamantly trying to find a better job either.
Family Life
John has two parents who he has lived with his entire life, even after he passes his 28th year on earth. You might be thinking "he's a Millennial, of course he lives with his parents", but John actually doesn't mind living with his parents, and even if he didn't, his job doesn't pay enough to get him a place on his own. He has one sibling, a sister who is 22 years old, and she is similar to him, but I'll say she is a little more fun than John. John is also a strong Christian, and does attend church every Sunday.
John also has aunts, uncles, cousins, and one grandfather who is still alive, but I don't hear about them much(Just in case you're wondering, he doesn't have any pets right now).
Social Life
You might be surprised at this point to hear this, but John does have somewhat of a social life. He has three good friends he "hangs out" with, and they usually just sit down together, and watch TV. John doesn't go out to clubs, rarely goes out to the movie theater, and since he doesn't party, or go to sporting events, we know he avoids those scenes altogether(Note: I don't know enough about his friends to know how boring they are).
Nerd Culture
John used to be a huge video gamer growing up, and even lavished in the Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, and other nerdy trading card games. He also used to be into comic books.
However, as an adult, he hasn't played video games in the past ten years. He did try Pokemon Go for a few weeks when it first came out(I mean, who didn''t when it first came out?), but he quickly put down that mobile game.
While it's not common for adults to trade Pokemon Cards, it is common for adults to play video games from time, to time, especially ones who grew up as big-time gamers.
What else?
He rarely ever travels, and his family never takes a vacation. He rarely leaves his house. He doesn't go to the gym. He pretty much just sits in his house all day, watches television, talks to his family, goes to work, and sleeps.
Dating
This might come off as a bigger shocker than the social life aspect, but believe it, or not, John has had a girlfriend one time in his life(Heterosexual GAGer males who have never had a girlfriend are now having a breakdown). The craziest part is, she was conventionally attractive. He dated her when he was 19-20 years old.
However, she accused him of rape when he was 20 years old, and she almost took him to court. While she never took him to court over the rape claims, she has a restraining order against him, and to this day, his entire family ignores the fact they even dated.
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