I'm back with more jokes - as I always do 😉
❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈
A Woman's Pride
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burnt. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.
So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would come from her buttocks.
The husband and the wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new dace.
He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice.
He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My Darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
Who's bigger?
Two friends were fighting on who's dad was bigger in size
Johnny: "My dad is bigger than your dad"
Fred: "Yeah? Who told you that?"
Johnny: "Your mum"
♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫
The Innocence Of A Kid
A 5 year old boy, after reading a story of a king-:
Son: Mom, I want 3 wives as well. One will cook, one will sing, and one will bathe with me.
Mom: And which one will put you to sleep?
Son:...No mom, I will still sleep with you
*Mom's eyes filled with tears* - God bless you son
Mom: But who will sleep with your wives then?
Son: Let them sleep with daddy.
*Dad's eyes filled with tears* - God bless you son!
ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ ﭢ
Prison Break
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He ties him to a chair, while tying her to the bed; the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, Honey I love you!"
She responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you too."
❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧❧
Blonde ain't dumb
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, if you can paint my porch. How much will you charge? The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied,"She should, she was standing on the porch."
A short while later, the blond came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered , "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for %50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유유
Sometimes you gotta improvise
A pharmacist walked into his shop to find a man leaning against the wall.
"What's wrong with him?" he asked his assistant.
"He came here for a cough syrup, but I couldn't find any so I gave him an entire box of laxatives."
"You idiot" said the chemist, "You can't treat a cough with laxatives."
"Of course you can" the assistant replied, "Look at him....he dare not cough now!!"
® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ® ®
Sexy Blonde
A hot looking blonde walks into a casino and wanders up to one of the crap tables.
She looks at the two table handlers and says, "I want to bet $25,000. It's all the money I have. The only request is that I play topless as I have found that this provides me the most luck at winning."
The two men agree and watch anxiously as the woman unbuttons her top and removes it, and then removes her bra.
She puts the money down on the table and rolls the dice. As the dice stops, she starts jumping up and down and screaming,
"I WON I WON I WON!" She gathers her winnings, puts the chips in her bag, pulls on her shirt and walks out.
The two men at the table look at each other, one asks the other, "So what did she roll?" The other man says, "I thought you were watching?"
⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔⚔
And once again - apologies if I offended anyone (specially blondes)
Not all of these jokes are original.
It's only for entertainment. Hope y'all enjoy them
Most Helpful Opinions