As English is not my first language, please excuse my grammar. I just needed to put this out before I go. So please bear with this and refrain from insulting, this is aimed to whoever wants to take some/all of it.
There have been so many events in my life that made me reconsider over and over the existence of the Christian God. I know that this whole subject has too many stuff going on, and it's quite hard to approach. Yet, there are so many risks to just toss it to oblivion. Because if God exists, who would want to live such life that will cause eternal damnation but also, who wants to live unsure if the God they are worshipping and obeying does not exist.
As someone who has slowly transitioned from agnosticism to Christianity I know that nothing will convince anyone to believe in the Christian faith, and any other faith for that matter. Other than prayer and advice, I could not do much to convince a person of completely turning their belief system overnight. If I'm lying then how can I convince you that miracles are real and that they're different than magic tricks. How can I assure you that whoever believes in it is not stubborn enough to confuse their irrational judgement with the supernatural. I cannot transfer my personal experience, which is what I like calling "spiritual uplifting" to you. No one needs to walk in no one's shoes, no one wants other's hardships to experience what they cling on during a storm.
As such, I can only say where I am standing to this point. And hopefully, to anyone who reads, this can be useful as it is to me to write about my usual ramblings on my faith. :)
My faith is centered on Jesus only, meaning that I do not belong to any specific church. I congregated to a group of people who basically studied the Bible, chat and prayed. I do not attend any more for schedule/location reasons but I respect anyone who attends morning mass, because after all God teaches discipules to congregate to a Church and to participate within the community wellbeing.
Jesus represents an objective moral law, and demonstrates how by our discipline God manifests His love. If I deliver myself to follow this discipline and be transformed by it, then I know I am carrying myself with love. This is the basic understanding of Christianity, love is discipline and that is why is so hard to stay consistent with it. It's a daily struggle, such as the muslim Jihad if you will.
I personally need to be a Christian. I have issues on being corrupt as a person. I really have problems that our human nature is perverse. One does does not "slip" or "curse" without meaning it. Being selfish, careless, arrogant and whatnot is constant in our nature. It reflects itself every now and then with anything you do, it doesn't matter what. We are sinners at every basic moment in our lives, equally.
The old testament, wether you are a Christian who believes in it or not, is full evidence of that. Books of the Old Testament do not differentiate human actions from today's. Violence, sexual perversions, lying, scheming, destruction. It's all relatable and reprehensible because today we are just the same, but with technology and nicer clothing on our disposal. We are not more civil now than what we were centuries ago and our urge for making wrongs, for being immoral is still there, blatantly.
And those who do not have a moral compass (Christian or not) to live under will most likely consume themselves and those around them with their actions.
My wrongs attract me to God, my guilt makes no sense to me and so it comes back to me. It drives me to repent and to live by Christ's teachings as best as I can. It's a call to arms and it's what keeps me going. I can only explain it when you lost someone, a failed relationship, or when a close person passed away and you need to grieve without explaining why, without being able to give it a real reason and stop. That's my drive and that's when Christ comes to my life.
What did your life drove you to believe? Well, that's only for you to say. As the teachings show we live under free will, you can have control over your own life. Hopefully, it will be for the best.
Wish you all the best!