My boyfriend is texting escorts...is it cheating?

[timmyturner]

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years. I lived with him for one and have been in university for the past 3 years. My university is three hours away so I get to see him most weekends. We built a house together 4 months ago and he has been living in it while I have been away at school. In 3 weeks, I will be done school and I have a job lined up where he is. Last week we were sitting on the couch (having a fantastic evening) when he received an email from a kelly on his phone. In a joking manner i said, haha who's kelly. He said it's a guy he has been trying to get work from (he works in sales). However, once he opened the email it was a whole bunch of pictures of a semi-naked girl. He said what? and quickly deleted it. I started laughing (thinking he had been hacked) and asked him to open it back up to read (so we could have a laugh). However the email was nowhere to be found (not even in the trash?). I saw him later and he his hands were shaking, so I became suspicious. I asked him if there was something going on, to which he looked me in the eye and swore on everyone he loves life nothing was going on. The next morning, while he was in the shower, I looked through his phone and saw he had been texting an escort service earlier that week (he was out with work guys and a potential customer). He had told the escort where we lived (not exact address, but area) and if she could come out there. The text ended with him saying "Sorry babe, I'm out for the night. Maybe a nooner."

I confronted him and he said it was purely for excitement and he was out with the customer who wanted to do that stuff. The customer did not want to use his own phone so he used my boyfriends.
I asked about asking the escort to come out to our house and he said the customer did it as a funny joke.
He said he will get help and will do everything in his power to get me back? Should I even bother?

[MrOracle]

IMO, if he isn't actually cheating, he's at the very least exploring the possibilities. I've known guys who "window shop" just for the thrill of the fantasy, but who never intend to actually go through with it.

I suspect that all that time apart from you left him lonely and in need of companionship, which led him to finding some professionally - either just conversation or perhaps more. I'm not trying to justify his actions (he should have brought his feelings to you, so you could work it out together), but that's likely what happened.

LDRs are more than most people can take, which is why I so strongly recommend against them. The amount of sacrifice and commitment it takes to make them work is simply more than most people can handle, and sooner or later, one (if not both) people start to seek other sources for company.

How you handle this is up to you. The truth is that it would probably have stopped on its own once you moved back into town with him, and could see him all the time, because his "need" for it would go away. But obviously cheating is more than that. The questions you need to ask yourself are: will he stop, for ever? And, if he does, can you forgive this and put it in the past?

If the answers to either of those is "no", then you need to break up with him.

[madhatters4]

well to the first question... YES he's cheating. He's inviting whores to your house

To me, this is not a reconcilable offense, unfortunately. I mean you can try and give him a chance but this shows a clear disrespect of you, a lack of conviction and control of his very basic needs, and is a potential health issue.

It's one thing to have a one-time fling. but if he's texting escortS (plural) that means he has some serious issues being able to keep his sexual desires in order.

me personally would be done. but you should do what you think

[LauraMarx]

Yeah, he's cheating. And if he isn't cheating then he's admitted to wasting sex workers time? which is like, a scumbag thing to do anyway, I'd leave him either way lolol

[THChowder]

He's pulling excuses one by one out of his ass.

I'd consider that cheating.

Tell that dude, it's over.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

You know he's the one banging the escorts. Do with that information what you will.

[erock13]

If you are giving him what he needs and he still is contacting escorts than get used to it cause he won't stop.

[iamnotalizard]

Yeah, that all sounds like bull

[sirencalling]

Run girl run.