My father goes through my drawers when I'm not home. Is this normal?

[Anonymous]

I'm finishing up my last year of high school. I don't drink or do drugs and I tend to stay in the house, but times when I go to the market with my mother or I'm in school while he's not working he goes through my drawers. I can tell because sometimes he takes things if he thinks they aren't mine and I see them in his room I feel like he has no right to take my things I pay for. But the whole situation makes me feel uncomfortable especially considering my underwear are in those drawers he goes through. Am I overreacting or is this not okay?

Updates

+1 y

They pick me up right after school and like I said I stay in the house, so I know neither of my parents think I'm doing anything illegal or that they'd frown upon

Updates

+1 y

Sorry for all the updates, but I after following some of the advice I confronted him after talking to my mom about it and he denied it completely. She believes him and Its a few more months until I can legally move out. Any more advice or thoughts on what's happening? I really appreciate it

[btbc92]

I believe that he is not looking for drugs. I believe he is going through your draws because he feels that your engaging in sexual activities and is looking for condoms and suspicious stuff he knows you never had before. Either way, he has no business being in your room looking through your stuff when it doesn't warrant it. If this continues and you don't confront him about it, then its time to move out.

[btbc92]

Update:

@Asker

Are you sure that this isn't a psychological issue then? Maybe your father is a Kleptomaniac?

[Asker]

lol he's not a kleptomaniac. But if it helps you make sense of things I can tell you that me and him don't have the best relationship. He don't get along at all :/

[btbc92]

@Asker

That really doesn't make sense at all of what he is doing. But there is some psychological problem, and he has it out for you about something. Is this behave new or has he been doing this for some time now? Besides, there being trust issues. He sounds like he needs his brain checked out. You need to tell your mother about this, problem and confront him about it. Again, if he doesn't respect your space, move out. It maybe their house and their rules, but respect need's to come from both sides. Like you said, you don't do drugs or things that they would frown upon, so this is not excuse fo that kind of behavior. And you shouldn't put up with it.

[btbc92]

Update 2:

Get a lock for a chest that you can put stuff in and have it tucked away somewhere where it needs to be hidden. Always have the keys on you. And if you can't keep it at home, have it be with a close friend that is willing to keep it safe until your able to move out on your own.

[Shangri-La]

Personally, i think that's not right at all. That's your room, your own personal space. Everyone needs their own privacy at home.

When I lived at home, my mother wouldn't even go through my drawers.. let alone my father. Both my parents respected my privacy.

[CheerGirl38139]

They do that. Your mom might be looking through your shit too.

I used to go through my parents drawers when they weren't home.

Funny how few people admit to that LOL.

[bedroomdweller]

True

[CheerGirl38139]

Like I said, people are naive if they think this is uncommon.

[CheerGirl38139]

Well per your update, be advised that while you can "legally" move out. 99.9% of us still need our parents financial and other types of support into our twenties... even if it's just Healthcare.

So I wouldn't burn any bridges.

I'm sure you're not thrilled about this, but I don't understand how a minor invasion of privacy when living under your parents roof is the end of the world.

Are you afraid he's doing something perverted?

If he's never done anything innapropriate toward you, that's a pretty big leap.

[Asker]

Oh sorry, I meant can't legally move out

[Asker]

I'm not old enough and I'm still dependent. Thank you for the advice tho

[CheerGirl38139]

I meant you said that you CAN legally move out in a few months.

Anyway, just know you're going to still need your parents

[Asker]

I know , I said that I'm dependent on them...

[CheerGirl38139]

Right. So you didn't answer.

Is your fear that your dad is doing something perverted or something? What's your reason for thinking he's up to no good?

[Asker]

I know it's nothing perverted , but me and him don't get along at all. He's very vocal about his dislike of me , so I don't know what he's gaining from going through/taking my things

[CyberToothTiger]

Yes, that is not right for him to go through your drawers that's your
personal property well my mother went through my drawer when she
found out I was keeping a article of obituary of a classmate like how
cruel can one be to take a obituary of a someone i think parents need
to stop and think and ask questions before taking items from our drawers
that belong to us.

[CyberToothTiger]

I don't believe your doing anything illegal i just think dads got a problem that should be discussed
If i was a father i wouldn't be going through my daughters drawers especially she being a teen
I think there is lack of communication on his part or maybe he got something he is hiding by all means reach out to people if you need help don't just take it lying down.

[Asker]

Ok, thanks for the advice

[CyberToothTiger]

You're very welcome and if you need help please seek don't hesitate to reach out to someone best wishes :))

[CyberToothTiger]

Thank You for Most Helpful Guy :) :)
Hope things are getting better for you !!!

[AleDeEurope]

He sounds comtroling/overprotective. He maybe thinks you're doing weird stuff and wants to check if you have drugs or something in your drawers.

[peachblossomluck]

That's dysfunctional. I wonder what he was up to at your age that he feels so suspicious and feels compelled to snoop and invade your privacy.

[peachblossomluck]

Your mother is an enabler and/or total dipshit. She's not being a real mother or decent human being at this point. I'd move out asap if I were you.

[frozenhorizon]

No, that's horrible. Can you get something with a lock? Do you have any friends you trust and could leave stuff with? If you move out you should totally take some of your dad's stuff before you go.

[Jager66]

It's not cool that he does that, you need to have your own space and privacy.

Also, LOL that your embarrassed by your dad seeing your underwear.

[Jager66]

buy a "Game Cam" or small "Spy cam" and put it in your room where it's impossible to see it, then catch him with film when your not home and confront him again.

www.amazon.com/.../s

www.amazon.com/.../b?ie=UTF8&node=3413551

[dragonslayer1516]

That's definitely not right for him to go through your stuff, what does he expect Trondheim anyway

[ElissaDido]

It's not normal especially that you don't give him subconscious reason to look in your privacy. My father never did that.

[Blitzkrieger]

thats not ok. jesus christ what an invasion of privacy.

[Mangenaro123]

That sounds a little strange, after you wear them you should send them to me and I will send you the money to buy new ones,. Oh, only if you don't wash them of course.

[backonthelist]

Mine sent me 500 miles away took my money, went through every thing I owned and recovered God knows what from the electronics that weren't password protected (so mainly my computers).

[Anonymous]

It is very common for parents to go through their kid's stuff. Even for kids to go through their parent's stuff when nobody else is home.
I think I am the only one I know who doesn't do that.

[Anonymous]

unless you've been in trouble before with drugs or alcohol then I don't see why else he would be looking through your things

[Rissyanne]

If you dont like it... move out.

[Asker]

It's clearly written that I can't move out

[Rissyanne]

I know... I am making a point. Do you pay rent?

[frozenhorizon]

AND THE POINT YOU ARE MAKING IS WHAT? IF SHE COULD MOVE OUT SHE WOULD

[Rissyanne]

@frozenhorizon DONT BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU. THAT IS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR GENERATION. YOU ARE SELF ENTITLED. DEMANDING EVERYTHING. HIS HOUSE... HIS RULES.

[frozenhorizon]

It's completely moronic to think that a parent going through their teen's possessions is acceptable, as a parent it's their responsibility to provide the house and make it a reasonable place to live. Neither of them have the option to stop living together, it's an understanding from the beginning that they're going to provide FOR the child so they have no right to take advantage of that situation just because their child isn't paying them.

And I am not entitled at all thanks I don't demand anything for free from anyone. But when you're not an adult you should still have rights, jfc.

[Rissyanne]

@frozenhorizon Get a job... get a house

[frozenhorizon]

I have a job and I rent an apartment in new york city, the parents of this girl are wrong af and she has every right to complain

[frozenhorizon]

I'm getting really tired of this "the younger generation is so entitled" bs argument

[Rissyanne]

@frozenhorizon When you grow up... you will understand.

[frozenhorizon]

Lol that's what they said 10 years ago. But anyway isn't it the older generation who raised this generation to be how they are? Maybe they fucked up

[bente2]

No, it isn't normal. That's invading your privacy.

[YoloMama]

He should respect your privacy. Tell your mum.

[Akari]

confront him

[wontbeinteresteD]

his house, his right.

[Asker]

I get what you mean on that part , but the taking my belongings, do you think that's a bit far?