What is your favorite petty insult/comeback?

[Smashingdoozy]

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to push your buttons, I was just looking for mute"

[NathanDavis]

don't have a favorite, it depends on who they are because I rather craft something specially for them, something I know it'll stick into the middle of their backs like a hot needle that they won't be able to take out in a while... lol.

there's a couple of dudes that still look at me funny at first, and soon realize it's been 15 years or so, and we actually get along now... lol

[Troller_Man]

You dirty. Stuck up. Sadistic, shit-eating, cocksucking, butt-fucking, penis-smelling, crotch grabbing, ball licking, semen drinking, dog raping, Nazi loving, child touching, cow-humping perverted, spineless, heartless, mindless, dickless, testicle-choking, urine-gargling, jerk-offing, horse-faced, sheep fondling, toilet kissing, self-centered, feces puking, dildo shoving, snot-spitting, crap gathering, big nosed, monkey slapping, bastard screwing, bean shitting, fart knocking, sack busting, splooge tasting, bear blowing, head swallowing, bitch snatching, hand-jobbing, doggie caressing, mucus spewing, anal plugging, hole grabbing, uncircumcised, sewer sipping, whore mongering, piss swimming, midget munching, douchebag, hoe biting, carnivorous mail-order prostituting ASSHOLE!

[NightHawk99]

You sound like a GTA griefer 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[JuliaStyles]

That's petty? I hate to hear your major insults.

[onedarkcloud]

If brains were dynamite you would not have enough to blow your nose!

[Ez-Bri-Z]

In the most motherly way possible...


"Honey, the adults are talking right now. Toddle along back to the kiddie table and let us finish our conversation and if you can behave yourself, I will get you some ice cream later."

If just 1 on 1 though...

"We are going to just have to agree to disagree, much like your parents did when deciding to make a second attempt at aborting you when the first one failed."

[AmandaYVR]

Hahahaha. I love the first one.

[Daniela1982]

Are you talking people on GaG or just in general?

[Puppystarfish23]

I have a list

1. Does your arse ever get jealous of how much shit comes out your mouth?

2. The smartest thing to ever come from your mouth was a dick.

3. The only chance you have at getting laid is if you cruled up a chickens arsed.

4. Your so ugly you use a phone to trick or treat.

5. If I wanted a come back I'd get it off your mothers teeth.

[wheist9095]

My favorite is when I insulted somebody, and then they just give me the same insult back. Example "Fuck you, no fuck you."

Followed by "If I wanted my own comeback, I'd scrape it off your mother's cheek"

[AmandaYVR]

Yours is good! I love it.

I can't think of any funny or snappy ones. I'm pretty serious when I'm angry. It's more something like, "Your opinion is of no significance to me."

[IAMNathanael]

It's a cold chill like that that'll cut to your core.

[AnotherDrinkPlease]

A cocky young man at work walked by my station once and said to me " You sure you know what you're doing?"
I replied " I was doing this while you were still swimming around in your father's cock."

[abc3643]

"Did you have to study for years to be such a profound asshole or are you a prodigy? You know... like the Mozart of Assholes?"

[abc3643]

Replace "asshole" with "idiot" or other disparaging term and it's just as effective.

[Dazed0N0Confused]

Omg i love yours! It's spectacular!

"when did the big bad republicans become such snowflakes?" is my favorite

[Dinosaursandanime65]

“N*gga don’t hate me cuz I’m beautiful n*gga. MAYBE if you tried EMPing that cheap ass haircut you’d get some bitches on your dick. OH BETTER YET, maybe Kavliaris would seduce your salty ass if she quits fucking with that mentally ill lesbian or Christian boy she’s fuckin with. n******GGAAAAAAAAA”.

[NightHawk99]

... What?

[Dinosaursandanime65]

@NightHawk99 oh yes, you’re probably confused. These people are from YV

[NightHawk99]

No xD I play GTA all the time.

[Dinosaursandanime65]

@NightHawk99 It’s not a game. Or not yet at least

[skyplusremote]

Look into their face and ask “you suppose to look like that?” With a concerned look in your eyes. Gets people going and always gets them insecure. You have covered the face and if they are cautious about apart of their face they will continually think your meaning that

[NightHawk99]

There he goes again.

Is that a nerve?

You was gangsta a minute ago. What happened?

Are you smart enough to feel stupid?

I did. Is there a problem?

I'd rather be born stupid. Better than choosing to be.

Trophies aren't made of real gold.

[DarkCarousel]

I see you weren’t burdened with an over-abundance of schooling.

[DarkCarousel]

I don’t use that one. It’s just one of my favorites that I’ve heard.
It usually depends on the person and what they are starting with me.

[AmandaYVR]

ha hahahaha

[DaveToo]

"Your exuberance is exhilarated by your own verbosity". (You like to hear yourself talk).

[Bismarck_96]

"I'm talking to the owner of the circus not with its clowns"

"You make me belive in reincarnation Because no one could become that stupid In a lifetime"

"How about you bite me?"

[Dazed0N0Confused]

What if the person actually tries to bite you? Lol

The second one is the best!

[Bismarck_96]

Well my father was in the military the actual meaning of that is "how about you go and Fxxx off/Fxxx yourself"

[Bismarck_96]

I've learned a lot of military insults from him 😂😂😂

[exitseven]

I don;t really insult people much anymore but I will share one from my youth that was always a favorite. Just think of a 12 year old.
"One good rank deserves another, Between you legs hangs your mother."

[jennifer_bloom]

If somebody mistreats me, I tell them they must have very low self esteem or be miserable and depressed to want to attack me for no reason - and the usually are because why else would they bully you?

[just_a_potato]

Yeah? Well fuck your stupid hair bitch!!! Thehehe 😌

[Still-alive]

psssh still cute lol

[just_a_potato]

Hush lol

[lowkanymous]

this is terrible if you were to say this to me i would immediately curb stomp you

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I'm sorry for falling asleep on the phone while we text each other, I just had you running through my mind and it wore me out

[loveslongnails]

"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person"

OR...

"I never try to teach a pig to sing. It's a waste of my time, and it just annoys the pig"

[DaveToo]

Mine has been, "please don't try to have a battle of the wits when you only come half prepared".

[TommyMountainFigure]

Well as long as you really ARE sorry , because next time I'll stick that remote where the sun don't shine!

[Wiredone]

" I can fix a lot of things but I can't fix stupid".

" I try to make things idiot proof but better idiots are born every minute".

[Dazed0N0Confused]

😂😂😂 Omg it sounds like every boss I've ever had

[Wiredone]

@Dazed0N0Confused I hope they were great bosses

[Dazed0N0Confused]

Most were, but you know how it goes... Most of the time that statement was used to describe some dumbass coworker or some stupid customer who doesn't know how to order a steak, even when there was pictures of "doneness" on the menu... My favorite conversation I've ever had with a customer:
"I didn't want pink!"
"Sir, you ordered your steak Medium."
"Yeah, so that it wasn't burnt or too hot to eat!"
"Sir, of you look on the menu, it shows you what the level of doneness is called & the description. Not only that, but I even quoted the menu on the description on your doneness."
-Got him a new steak, well done-
"My steak is like shoe leather!"
"Sir, it is tougher because all the 'pink' was removed, as per your instructions."
"I want to speak to your manager!"
-grab manager-
(my manager to me) "Go tend to your other tables. Remember, you can't please stupid. No matter if you have pictures & employees who literally describe what the steak's doneness is to them once they order it"

[Wiredone]

@Dazed0N0Confused I take it you work at a restaurant. I don't envy you. Actually, I feel bad for you. I give you a lot of credit.

[Dazed0N0Confused]

Sometimes what people ask for is ridiculous, but the money is good.

Another time i was talking to a customer who asked for a chicken dish & then was mad he got the chicken dish when he wanted steak... When we never discussed the steaks on the menu...

Another time, i was a line cook at this point in time, someone ordered french onion soup with no onions. Like zero onions what so ever. I had to explain to the server that i would do my best but to explain to the customer that there was still going to be onions in their soup... It got sent back 3 times because there were "too many onions" still in it, when it took me forever to get as much broth as possible & as little onion as possible. My manager finally asked me what the fuck was going on & when i explained he face palmed & told the server that if it gets sent back one more time the customer wasn't getting another one. All of us on the line & my manager were all highly convinced the person just wanted the cheese & croutons...

If you can't handle stupid & laugh it off, the restaurant is not for you... It's definitely not the job for everyone

[Wiredone]

@Dazed0N0Confused I deal with it also but on a different level. I'm an electrician and homeowners are always trying to tell me how to do my job.
If I listened and did it the way they wanted it done, fire departments would be a lot busier putting out house fires.
I had one customer wire his basement in lamp cord which is a fire waiting to happen. He wanted me to sign off on it saying that it was done right.

[Dazed0N0Confused]

Omg, i am so sorry. This is why people should just leave things like that to the people who are TRAINED to do it... Jeezus

[Wiredone]

@Dazed0N0Confused just about every day I shake my head at the shoddy workmanship I find wether it's done by homeowners or "electricians" as the homeowners always say.
When I saw the basement wired with lamp cord I actually said out loud " I can't fix stupid". The homeowners face dropped to the floor. It was hilarious.

[Dazed0N0Confused]

Good for you! I wonder what was running through Mr. Know-It-All's mind when you said that. Omg the mental image is fantastic!

My grandpa & my best friend's dad built houses & did electrical work for a living before the retired. I always call them first. Then they come over & teach me what they learned. Otherwise, i call professional. I'm not brave enough to try & do electrical work by my lonesome.

[Wiredone]

@Dazed0N0Confused He probably was stunned that I called him stupid. It took myself and my 2 helpers 3 days to rip it out and do it correctly.
I don't know when they retired but the electric code has changed significantly over the years.

[CubaPirate]

Go away and have a nice steaming hot cup of " shut the f**k up"

[ema0515]

Bless your heart! said with a sweet southern draw, y'all!

[Dargil]

I'm bigger, "say that again? Then a Jack Reacher sucker punch. I'm smaller, "Have a nice day".

[Agape93]

Go walk off a pier, schweinhund

[AviatorTom]

"I'm sorry, did you say something I was supposed to listen to?"

[MoonFace2]

In primary school, we had; ‘I know you are, you said you are; but what am I?’

[JosyJosy]

I don't really have one, it depends on the situation, I don't use the same one if I don't have to :D

[Surely]

No need to go away mad. Just go away!
or. Best compliment that I have gotten all day. When they try to insult you.

[AydenHazor]

It friends on the moment, I can't say I have a favorite because it needs to be fitting to the context

[Aether1]

The one that I usually use is to call them an idiot.

[clampfan101]

“I’m sorry, but I just don’t deserve you.”

~Belle: Beauty and the Beast

[LiamJHayden]

"If I wanted and sh*t out of you I'd squeeze your head."

[IAMNathanael]

Shutyer yap... ya aardvark

[msc545]

Probably the worst thing I can do is infer someone is stupid

[Anonymous]

To insult you I would mention your childish hair color and your boy-like chest

[Smashingdoozy]

I don't feel insulted. Please try harder next time.

[Opinion Owner]

I highly suspect that you still have your penis and once again you are a flat as a 9 year old boy. If this is how you look at such a young age then how long before you revert back to your birth gender?

[Smashingdoozy]

Yeah keep trying just because I'm an advocate for trans rights does not make me transgender 😊 your logic is quite flawed though

[Smashingdoozy]

I'd also like to remind you I said petty not pity 😉

[Still-alive]

you know lobbing insults at people is modable right anon guy?

[Opinion Owner]

@Still-alive fuck you cunt. She asked for insults

[Smashingdoozy]

I didn't ask for insults at me.

[Opinion Owner]

oh, sorry

[Opinion Owner]

i thought it was like a roast me question

[Smashingdoozy]

That abundance of education opinion is tickling my tongue right now

[Opinion Owner]

? I dont understand what you mean

[dolemite89]

I would’ve been your father but the dog beat me over the fence

[JesseJayNeak]

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you mama knew what she was doing when she was pushing you out?

[NightHawk99]

Love that

But unfortunately, the best comeback for that is literally a straightforward...

"Yes. My loving mother did, and she's proud of it. Is yours not?"

[JesseJayNeak]

@NightHawk99 and my comeback would be "Jokes on you, my guy. I came from the belly. So that means I didn't felt like pee!"

[NightHawk99]

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

[Hotboy_booblover]

My worst insult " if only we could look at ourselves like people look at us"..😂

[Still-alive]

U mad?
stay mad! 🤣😂

[Still-alive]

Hey look my prey (the stalker) is downvoting my answers again lols 😂

[Still-alive]

Stay mad my stalker.

[NightHawk99]

Ey stalker, downvote my comment too! It'll prove you're a hoebag!

[Still-alive]

@NightHawk99 i think she/he's sleeping now. we shan't wake her shhh

[greycadillacs]

Looks like the idiot fairy visited somebody twice…

[Anonymous]

Wow, everyone on this site is so hateful
None
I dislike insults

[DisappointingHope]

"Fuck off" is pretty good. It's also universal

[abc3643]

Spoken by Denise Richards' character Kelly Van Ryan, "Fuck off!" is the very first line in the movie "Wild Things".

[WowwGirl]

Yes I read about that in the bible

[tfan1]

I know you are…but what am I? 😉😛

[Sonora]

I don't like pettiness.

[Blindguyplaying]

You're amazing, simply fucking amazing.

[Browneye57]

Cute... but gay.
How 'bout just 'FUCK OFF'. :)

[EnglishEuropean]

"Fuck off" or if I'm feeling creative "Fuck you".

[Luckycharms12]

Suck a bag of dicks

[berserk945]

I don't have one.

Yours is funny!

[wheelgator421]

Stay Mad! 😂🤣

[Anonymous]

I don't really like insulting people.

[Anonymous]

It's on you.