"Well you need to stop giving a shit about the rest of the world and start looking after yourself and your own people. Do you think your sensitivity, righteousness and idealistic views on how things are supposed to be will get you far? All those will ruin you, you keep ruining yourself and people will continuously take advantage of that, mark my words."
Worst part is that piece of advice has affected me deeply. It still hurts when I recall it.
What is a piece of advice you received which shook your world and set the foundation on changing yourself?
I don’t think it was ever any advice that did it… it was getting away from what I always knew. When you’re younger, your world feels extremely small and intense. But once I was able to challenge myself to let it all go and essentially start a new life somewhere else, even if it ended up being temporary… it completely changed my life and the way that I saw the world.
Neuroplasticity… I refer to it as “bursting your bubble.” I’ve experienced it several times, some ways being bigger and more impactful than others. But it only happens when you face a fearful or challenging situation and conquer it. It’s how we level up… Perform in front of a large crowd, take that new job that feels a bit over your head, relocate across the country, start a new life. Leave everything you know behind. Face uncertainty and potential failures. It makes you so much stronger.
It’s all led me to meeting people, doing things, going places, and experiencing life in ways I never thought I would. You feel more connected to this world, people, and you develop a new perspective on life itself. It’s pretty crazy…
Once you take these leaps of faith too, it becomes easier each time. You see how much better life can be, compared to the life you grew up thinking you’d have. Living in your hometown or whatever… you see how life can be so much better. I’ve almost developed a nomadic state of mind. It becomes hard to stay in one place. To be honest, I’ve really been struggling with this whole pandemic thing because of how easy it is to feel stuck. It’s difficult to travel, to see people, to make all those new memories.
But then, you see all these other people that have never left home or done much of anything different, and the lack of perspective and close-mindedness becomes very apparent… I’m getting off-topic now, but it’s just, I don’t know… very weird times.
In short, do everything you can to challenge yourself, don’t be afraid to make big moves… or rather, don’t let the fear stop you from doing what feels right.
A very recent one - ''I don't want to have a smiling idiot around all the time.''. Sounds brutal and even uncalled for, but the message it carried was much more constructive. The person who said that meant that I can't be 24/7 in real life like I appear on public events, social medias and other venues - a smiling, equanimous figure who doesn't show any emotions that could be remotely negative. I had started to suppress negative emotions even at home and naturally this wasn't a good thing - it was an hallmark or ''toxic positivity'' - basically before I was too negative, then I had become too positive. Now I'm learning to find the rigth balance and not suppress any emotions, althought naturally on the weight scale positive emotions will weigh more than negative ones.
As for the advice you received, it sounds more like a tear down than advice, if I can be honest. It seems to come from someone who's really jaded and has a very pessimist view of the world, and if it hurts you to think about it I think it's not good advice, not even in a tough love context. A tough love advice should be a bit like a medical injection - it should hurt and even make you cry at first, but then make you stronger and give you elements to live better and be happier. The advice you quoted sounds more like a gratuitous punch - it hurts you, it leaves a mark on you and keep hurting afterwards. I'm sorry to put it like that, and feel free to correct me if I'm mistaken.
Sometimes you have to hit someone where it hurts to show them where they are weak.
I'd take a punch in the gut and a hard memory over a sword any day.
The element to live better and be happier is very present. Don't let your love for the world make you weak, or you will be taken advantage of.
It's sad. It's not what we want. But it's better to accept the reality than allow it to be your Achilles heal.
Sometimes the only reward is to become stronger and not be tripped up in the future. That's hard to measure, but better defenses lead to a better happier life.
Better to find out where you can be hurt from a friend who wants to help than from a monster who wants to hurt you.
"We see the world not as it is, but as we are" - this is a quote from the YouTube channel The Universe Guru
It's similar to:
"As within, so without"
The meaning is related to the law of attraction and that our inner thoughts and feelings create our reality. And also that we see what we want to see and create with our minds.
Another one is “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
Its ok to not be ok, its ok to hurt. So be patient with yourself, let the healing come naturally. It won't be perfect, but it will be good enough, and that's ok.
I've felt like this too. It's just I can't wait to earn and be Independent. We have a lot of restrictions in my country. I wish I were actually working instead of studying this final year. I'm fucking 22.
India. He's moving out is a sin. But I fought for myself and finally on the path towards my dream career. I wasn't even allowed to do part time jobs as it's seen as "poor".
@lazermazer ofcourse it's not poor for me, I see it as smart, independent and a work ethic. But for my parents 'status' it will look poor that their daughter is doing part time job aur log kya kahenge.
One big thing for me was a suggestion to explore stoicism…a philosophy that says that you control your interpretation of what happens to you, you decide what your emotions are, and you can control them and not allow them to control you. You still feel emotions, but you stop being a slave to them.
The tape you play in your head can be telling you that things are hopeless…but you can change that tape and tell yourself positive things instead. People don’t make you happy or sad. It’s your interpretation of things, that makes you happy or sad. You control it. Worrying about things you cannot control is useless, and taking positive steps and having a positive focus is one big key to being a happy and very functional person.
When times are hard, you might sit there telling yourself how miserable things are. Instead - focus on some positive step you can take to improve your situation. Right now. Then do it. Then think of another and another. Because sitting and feeling miserable solves nothing.
Look into it. It’s very practical and if you apply it you can feel a lot better about yourself and be able to handle things in life better.
My dad explained to me that some people don't want to compromise or meet in the middle, so they will see any effort to do so as an agressive and dangerous attack on their fundementals rather than an act of friendship and good faith.
I always thought compromise was the best way to solve conflicts and my dad was just inconsiderate, but he is right. Some people don't want to meet in the middle, they are barking dogs who want everyone to bow to their athority. Trying to compromise with those people is a self detremental waste of time.
Some people actually want to fight. Some people are so extremists they think anyone who tries to meet in the middle is an ideological terrorist and respond accordingly.
It's best to not get involved and just let them sink alone. You can't compromise with someone who doesn't want to, and you can't help someone who doesn't want to learn. All you can do is go around them, walk away and focus on your own goals. Even if they disagree.
That isn't wrong because compromise isn't an option unless both sides are willing to perticipate and a lot of people just aren't.
Some people suck. You can't be friends with someone who only wants to beat others down.
Also. "Quitting is worse than dieing. Because everybody dies, but not everybody quits" -some drunk homeless guy named John who lost his wife and his house and showed up to our smoke spot on a coal train.
I said I wanted to kill myself, that was his response, and it really stuck with me. Dude had it way harder than I did, but he had no respect for giving up.
"If you died today, the world wouldn't care. Your family would mourn you a few months and then move on. Don't think anyone will be crying the rest of their lives for you. Life goes on with or without you".
This next one is a joke I often heard, but I think it's related and has a similar implication to the above: "If you die, all I can do is come and eat your rice (i. e. the food served at the funeral)".
The meaning (to me) of the above changed the way I approach life on a fundamental level. I drew so much from that statement, even though I have always despised it.
I was on a Q&A site similar to this. I asked why my wife was treating me and our child horribly for no reason. She doesn't come home for days at a time, she doesn't clean up after herself and she just yells at us. She hides out in her room most of the time. I received a large amount of replies telling me to communicate with her, give her time etc. Then finally I got one response from a woman who broke down and told me the truth. She told me that my wife is cheating, she's treating you and your child like shit because she feels guilty. (She knew from personal experience be because she's a cheater) She told me that "SHE IS NOT YOUR WIFE ANYMORE, SHE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!!" That woman's advice showed me that there's a big difference between the politically correct, generic advice most people will give and the truth. Now I always ignore people's bullshit and look for the truth about everything.
Not advice, but about five years ago I talked with this guy who essentially told me that you could live without that family ideal and such and it blew my mind as I noticed society had almost brainwashed me to believe that I had to get kids and a husband.
It blew my mind that I could also be happy without and it changed my view on life completely.
"Stop caring what others think about you. Worry about what you think about yourself instead." It's true. Most of the time people don't even care about you, much less what you do in life, so it's best just do your own thing and focus on your happiness.
From one of my karate senseis, on the topic of receiving feedback graciously: "If you're being corrected, it means you're worth teaching."
As someone with (at the time) undiagnosed anxiety, it shifted how I saw criticism - not just constructive criticism, but even malicious insults that hit me hard.
It became about progress, not putting myself down.
All of us have been rejected, ignored, cheated, betrayed, dumped etc. You’re not specially flawed that if you fixed said flaw, you’d be able to avoid these things. When bad things happen to you be kind to yourself, don’t let it mean anything about your character and that if u were better it wouldn’t have happened.
“It’s not your job to save the world, better men have tried. If it doesn’t have a long term plan to make money then no one will help you. The best you can do is try to do what you can and do your best to maintain your sanity.”
My dad told me this a couple of years back because I’m too much of an idealist but it was the necessary kick in the gut I needed to stay grounded in reality and maintaining my ideals at the same time. I strive for balance.
When I was in high school I was jealous of some women who were at the top of the class both academically and socially. My Mom told me to stop being jealous of other people. Jealous shows a person's low self-esteem.
However, I've read a lot of great advice from Tony Robbins that shook my world.
"Stop being a suck up. Don't give a shit about what other people think of you, and stop worrying about what's gonna happen in 10 years. Did you know that there'd be such a thing called COVID 2 years ago? Did you know that there'd be a pandemic and you'd attend online classes for 2 years? You never know what's even going to happen the next minute, so just focus on your studies and enjoy life"
Pretty much the same, although I'm arguing for my ethnic people to exist, have a culture, and on top of that question everything in the real world. Even if it means boiling some fun things down to its simple elements and seeing the evil effects behind it. I don't use social media as much, I don't jerk off to porn often anymore, I lost nationalism and want ethnic reclamation instead cause I think we're under control from people who want me and my race wiped out and embarassed all the time, I learned to simply not care when x happens to y pop culture, it's all a game of revolving doors but the grime is still there no matter how much you move. I'm focused on getting fit, getting religious, and focusing on the immediate things I can control
When I used to complain about every single thing wrong with my life to my best friend she would just listen, but one day she asked "Why don't you just do something about it?" and I legitimately never thought of that before she said it. Which is odd but it was probably the victim mentality ingrained in me for a very long time. Made me try to change the things I DID have control over, and I'm much more productive now, at least compared to back then. Miss that girl I haven't seen her in 2 years.
World does not cares about how good of a person you are... World only cares about what you and give to it.. Weather it's a Good or a service and that counts...
You can be Evil but provide what people need and they will stand by you...
You can be a good person pure of heart.. But not be of any use to them.. And they will stand against you...
Oh man exactly! My university experience. Sure they will gossip about evil ones but at the end of the day, they will stand with people they dislike just because of some benefits, status or obligations.
You can either be a good person and die with regrets...
Or you be a bad person.. To get things what you want.. By giving what you can to people.. And end up living your life to the fullest...
The shittiest part of this is that even though I know I can live my life to the fullest by being Evil and at the same point provide what people want... Still I am not able to shake myself off the path of righteousness!..
Yep, it was a real lesson from my then gang mentor back in my youth. His thinking was that life is all a battle every breath you take there are millions of bacteria, virii and whatnot trying to invade your body and kill you. Your body is in constant war - whether you want to be a part of the war or not is meaningless. Bring that up and it's little different on the street.
A rather stubborn nihilist, it was a shame when he died. Probably the only atheist I ever liked.
Unfortunately that is very true. In a perfect world we would give and receive in the same manner but alas it is not a perfect world. There are many loving/giving/caring souls out there but there are also greedy/hateful/narcissistic ones and you never know who’s who until you truly get to know them. Unfortunately we learn as we go and we grow from those lessons. Focus on you and what you want in life and how to make this world a better place in the process. Those who can’t appreciate, it will be their loss.
You can make all of the money in the world, but it will not bring you happiness and you will be a failure. You can be broke, but excel at what you love, and will then be happy, and a success... And then the money will follow.
- (Paraphrased) William Arscott, Regents Professor, SFASU
Nothing really. Wanting my own money and business someday is already what drove me enough. I feel most peoples advice is generic even the good ones eventually you will keep hearing over and over. There is only so much advice to give. Eventually its up to you to drive and me motivated to make changes in your life.
Yes I hate what you just said but in so many ways it is true And I have ever gotten any advice I don't remember it LOL so the thing you just flashed in my head was if it's good enough put your finger in. Then it's good enough to put your tongue in
2
0 Reply
Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
The last rejection I took shook me to the core. Up till then I had always assumed I was the problem when it came to women. I never considered that I wasn't the problem and they were. I spent several years collecting data and I realize now how much the odds are stacked against a decent guy. Women aren't even programmed to seek out decent guys. They're programmed to seek out the biggest liar. That's not even the worst part. Most women today are trash. Whether it be by upbringing or the fact that just nobody taught them what being a woman is. The point is you have to navigate your way around this mines. Meet the wrong one and Kaboom! They'll destroy your entire world. In short there's a good reason why so many guys have CHOSEN to remain single. I'm sorry but most women today bring little if anything to a relationship and why would a guy join a union with SO much to lose and so little if anything to gain?
One that stuck out to me was from an ex "you choose to be happy or not" I'm pretty sure he was hoping I would just be "happy" with our relationship as it was. I thought about it and decided I didn't want to stay where I was unhappy.
You need to put your own oxygen mask on before you can help others. I cannot be a good mother if I give my family everything and end up suffocating myself. I had to learn this the hard way.
politics and media aren't your friend. they aren't there to inform you about truth and they aren't there to help you. they are there to change your opinion so that you support those that paid them to influence your decision.
That no body actually loves and cares about you as much as you think. They have their own life and who knows if you're just meant to cross paths instead of travelling together forever?
My cousin told me when I was younger that the truth is not pretty and you have to work hard to make the truth pretty and another guy told me nobody has anyone in life other than themselves (and God).
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
I forget her exact words, it was along the lines of - you're a bright guy, so don't be a fucking parrot - be a sheepdog, not a fucking sheep - take nothing at face value, dig down to the roots - challenge assumptions, - question everything - do your own thinking, then challenge yourself - be an asshole - neither a leader nor a follower be.
@Cathy7734 Of course it is, no argument. She was a teaching assistant in a philosophy course, and she was telling me that my academic rigor was below par. You don't have to read a lot of stuff to recognize a ton of uncritical thinking. Critical doesn't mean attacking the person, it means analysing what they're saying to see if it makes sense. Being an asshole just means pointing out when something that is supposed to be meaningful is illogical or sloppy thinking. It doesn't mean that you humiliate them but you do call their attention to their flawed thinking, and to have an effect it can't be harsh or abusive, and never an attack on the person. The focus has to be on the topic, never the person. Thanks for asking.
Do not be afraid to start over again. This time you are not starting from scratch, you are starting from experience.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
I see nothing wrong with having idealistic views. Only when you try to tell someone that yours are better than theirs is it a problem. Because that causes strife. Now what has someone said to me that really jolted me... recently I read a book called Outwitting The Devil that jolted me pretty hard
The problem is that you can't let that distract you from the reality of the world we actually live in.
It isn't wrong to imagine things being better and work towards it, but if you let the fact that they aren't cause you to become an easy target, we will have one less good person in the mix and we'll be that much further from the goal.
You don't have to want the world to suck. But sometimes you have to put idealism aside and do what actually works.
It's hard, but when the only other option is to be rolled over by thr bad guys, it's the right thing to do.
I did several years of psychology. Narcissism is what shocked me. Really what the. shock you described is learned studying events, historically in religion politics, war, mental illness.. As people age.. Grow up to reality.. But narcissism defines true evil..
There is no reason to be or do right. Being correct has no effect on this world. Being nice gets you very little while being mean gets you a lot. I could kill 5 people , be involved in a scandal and still be a president in America.
When I was depressed to the core, my wife just said think about me and our daughter before you take any decision and that's when I decided it's not worth to worry about the others your loved ones matter the most
The world is a harsh and evil place that doesn't care about you or your feelings, but don't let your pain and anger turn you into the monster it wants you to be.
Everything that happens to you in life good or bad is your own fault. Your entire life outcome is 100% your responsibility.
2
0 Reply
Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
I wouldn't say it shook my world or anything but I like this saying/quote. "When you tolerate everything, you stand for nothing". It reminds me that there are things that exist in our society that shouldn't really exist or shouldn't always sound logical. At this rate, if we keep accepting everything that comes up that we see in our society and tolerating it, killing people will become a trend one day. I feel like there should be limits hence we would be standing for something
Ewww seriously? Yet to come across women who enjoy sexual HARASSMENT. I have personally been molested , when I was a teenager in public transport and it's the worst times of my life
@Pandupillu I've read that scientists once concluded the "right" way for men to approach women sexually from what female rats do in such cases. They do run from their male mates until they've had enough "fun" and then let these male mates have their fun with them.
Except the fact that rats and humans quite are quite a different species. What is applicable for rats is not applicable for humans. There are many dietary studies conducted on rats too does not mean that is applicable to humans. Rats are rats , humans are humans. Don't believe everything you read.
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