Generally, yes - although it can be hard to see it yourself.
My pastor told me 25 years ago not to share my life story at one go because most people would not cope with hearing what I'd gone through so young. The following 25 years have taught me that the first were the warm-up.
That doesn't mean I'm not in pain. It doesn't mean I don't struggle.
Here's a sample:
Age 9: favourite aunt killed in house fire
Age 13: younger brother hit and killed by a car
Age 15: dad's first cancer scare
Age 16: grandfather died of cancer, bullying leads to first suicide attempt
Age 19: grandmother died of cancer, dad's second cancer scare, mum's first cancer scare
Age 23: dad's 3rd cancer scare, grandmother dies of ruptured heart muscle
Age 25: grandfather dies of aortic aneurysm
I'm going to be 50 in à couple of weeks. That little lot was the warm-up.
I'm tough. Very little brings me down now, but that doesn't mean I'm impervious to hurts. It hurt when my dad died. It hurt when I almost died from COVID-19 in 2020. It hurt when I had to choose between death and amputation of my leg two weeks after I woke up from a 3 month coma.
BUT
I find joy in everything. No platitudes here...
The feeling of rain on my skin
Sunshine in my eyes
Wind in what's left of my hair
Good food
Good company
The freedom to tell covid deniers to go fuck themselves with a cactus. Twice.
Most of all, my son's laugh. His lust for life and learning.
I know people who are stronger than me. Most have no idea how strong they actually are, but I see it.
If you can look at your past, accept it and move forward with a smile on your face and love in your heart then I promise you, you're far stronger than you realise.
I got the prosthetic in December just a few weeks later. I can walk, drive, even run a bit. I need a bit of a different foot to take my current weight but I'm fighting with my insurance about it because I had lost so much weight in the coma and they assumed it was my normal weight. Now I'm back to 220lbs from the 130lbs I was after the coma I'm having to take it gently!
When it comes to general, yes you are strong and get stronger with every you met adversity. And the proof of it is that you're still standing. Just because you are standing doesn't mean you are content or won't feel hurt. It just means that you are strong enough to carry on. A jet that soars the sky will eventually land and go through various check-ups and maintenances. Because despite it doing what it is designed to do, which is defy and cope with a lot of (natural) forces, it still gets affected and therefore needs to be checked & cared for. With that being said, it is okay to feel hurt and lost at times. You are strong because you're still here. Being strong doesn't mean you cannot feel hurt or depressed at times. If you weren't strong enough for the challenges of life, you would have ended it already, which would be a major loss.
What matters is that you learn to love yourself and go through life in pursuit of the things that YOU love. Things that build you up as a person and create memories that you cherish even if it means you have to do it alone. That's what will bring meaning to your life. Just doing small things like working out, watching a comedy show, going out with friends or family whom you cherish, reading a good book, just doing stuff out there will bring you contentment. Everything I've said so far I back up with my own experience coming when I was crawling out of rock bottom a while back. If there are things you know add to the distress that you CAN do something about, then do something about them. My way was getting rid of TOXIC people in my life. Ending toxic relationships and replacing them with healthy ones. I also started prioritizing myself. It's time for you to do the same.
@Flower7 That would depend on the type of challenges a person faced. There are some horrible stuff people had to go through who ended up not committing suicide. In that sense you cannot say that the bar to success is set low. But when it comes to things like "oh my relationship has ended!" or "oh my pet died!", then yeah then the bar is set low. I would say that going through a hard time, getting out experienced to know how to deal with it better the next time it happens again is a measurement of success.
It depends on the person and how they endured it. Most people say, "you're a strong person for going through that" because to them, you seem strong to be able to endure it.
Lots of people think about how it'd be if they were in your shoes and believe they would've given up. Sometimes it's also said because they don't want to say anything but positive things and be supportive.
Have you ever asked them why they think you're strong while you feel fragile? Or told them you feel that way? Everyone's definition of 'strong' varies.
I'm thinking of several ways. Here are a few:
Give up could refer to suicide, but also refusing to move on or losing meaning in life. They don't have hopes in getting out of that darkp abyss. No "it'll get better" spirit left. They just accepted the dark place.
People that give up aren't weak, but suffering doesn't make one stronger either. It's not that simple. They just endured passed the threshold they can handle. Our definition of strong, weak and giving up is different, so I hope my words don't trigger anyone. I'm just stating my own opinion.
I don't think everyone assumes the person is 'okay' tbh. They're probably aware they're still going through some issues but just want to give extra encouragement. Some people view it as harmless while others don't. But it is part of human nature to assume before deciding what to do based on the information given.
I have friends that have been through a dark place and all I could do was just be there for them and say, "you're not alone". I felt like they didn't need anyone to guide them, but to just walk with them.
I don't think my friends needed the reassurance about whether they're strong for making it through, I just think they need to know they have someone there for them whether they're strong or weak. It was my assumption and it was right too. They told me it meant a lot.
Their feelings of vulnerability can't be determined by us. The way it's handled differs based on the person. I don't know how to express it properly in words sorry. Hopefully you understand the message I'm trying to get across.
It indicates that you are strong because you endured it all instead of giving up. A weak person would try to escape the situation but a strong person faces the situation
Opinion
46Opinion
I'm going to have to agree with those people to see your strong
And it's okay Bean the person that you feel you are at the moment there's nothing wrong with that sometimes in life we feel things and we don't understand what we feel we're either lost or we don't want to be found or we just want to take a time out however we have to get it we do it
I think you're content right now you're not happy happy but that's part of the whole you right now I don't know this for a fact but but I do believe there's a lot of us in life we want to understand something so we put ourselves there end we experience it because we want to understand it so that also tells me that you are a giver and also tells me you have a heart of gold and you try to help people when you try to help people that are mentally or physically deprive somehow and so you had to take yourself there to understand it I have no doubt in my mind that when the time is right you will snap out of it I can guarantee you this so if something drastic has to happen tomorrow you would take control and you would lead I know that for a fact believe me you're in there and when the time is right you'll come out and play
I agree with your post except for the part where you said that I’m content. I’m actually miserable and am in large amounts of emotional pain on a daily basis. I’m merely trying to get through life, but am not able to find enjoyment in it because of being in constant distress and dealing with the things that keep going wrong. It seems like my life goes more and more downhill with each day that passes by.
Through all the challenges the life throws at us, only two types of people emerge, the winner and the loser.
The Winner:-
The winners are those people who learn, adapt as per the challenges. These people are inherently mentally strong or are made strong through repetitive motivation and this is fueled by repetitive success in their life. If not for success those people with constant need for motivation, can easily fall in losers category.
The Losers:-
They are just not motivated with life. They become frightened and try to run away from any challenge the life throws at them. Do not even try. Again, constant motivation can push them and constant success can fuel the motivation, but one downfall and they are over.
In Winners, those with strong mentality are the ones that are truly strong people. These people will fall down and then again will rise.
As per myself, a true strong person is that who has seen failure and then emerged out of it on its own. And this person also knows and feels the pain of failure and knows the price of success.
To answer your question, no.
Not really. I think accepting what happened and seeking help for it is where strength comes from. I know I walked around with a head that was a complete mass for years. Got pretty close to using drugs or booze to completely numb my self or suicide several times. Therapy was not easy and neither was accepting everything that happened. But as I started facing everything and working through it I go a lot stronger then I ever was. It also helped me in ways I didn't realize and helped me start moving forward in areas of my life I would have never done so. Simply because the mess in my head had me changed in place.
If you survived and didn't kill yourself, that is why many say your a strong person. Doesn't necessarily mean you are, it just means you didn't have any other option and did what you had to do.
When someone tells me I must be strong for the crap I've been through, that is my exact answer "I didn't know I had a choice to not go through that crap."
That is how I feel about it, I kept on living and doing the only thing I knew how to push through and they are congratulate me for it.
So congrats on not doing that ;)
To live trough a tough life you need to be tough. Weak ones unfortunately are not here with us...
You can feel weak, and you can have all sort of thoughts, but at the end of the day, if you wake up next day and keep going (to work, school, out etc.) It took strength to do it.
And if someone says, but you're depressed, your crying etc so you're weak, you are not, because again, you didn't take an easy way out, you kept on pushing, you just had to let off some steam.
I can not answer yes or no to this question... simply due to the fact that just because a person faces serious challenges or trauma is their lives does automatically make them tougher or stronger. in the same breath though the challenges people face and over come in their lives does change them. Every challenge is an opportunity to improve and learn in way that will or could allow you to become the best version of your self. The very fact that you are not completely defeated shows some degree of resilience. It does not mean that you automatically stronger or weaker but it proves that you can endure with the hope of preserving.
So I wish you the best and encourage you to embrace and approach every challenge and hardship as opportunity to become better to be more.
You giving up all together. I hope you read the whole reply and not trying to cherry pick what's wrong with what I said by fixating on two words.
So it is completely natural to feel down destressed or under pressure, and in pain. But you cope with it and keep going and become a better for it in the end. It does not make it any easier for you in any way... but you don't give up. You stay optimistic and press on.
Well sorry you are not getting what you won't out of my response... I think there is some wisdom in it. Things never stay the same, they do get worse and then they will get better. So saying that things get worse after a trauma is a given, but that does not mean they have to stay that way... but its all about how you pick things up and move on.
I think plenty of people have survived trauma in their lives and found away to use it to draw strength from the experience as a positive in their lives going forwards. Of course its never easy and of course you have to the find that strength with in yourself... but you can not allow it to control or dominate your future. Sorry you disagree.
I have survived trauma and it has made me a better and stronger person... sure I whish it did not happen... but i could not stop it and I don't regret it either. Its just something that can not be undone and it in the end it made me a better person, forced me to grow and be more. That the mind set i took and that is how I draw strength from experience today.
No, I've had some people tell me, well your parents verbally abused you and you had bullies in school , the bullying was severe and I even had Teachers call me Big-O
like my last name begins with O and they did this cause I was extremely overweight and my feelings were hurt and no one knows what we went through but yet they can just tell me well you made it, No way I made it, Through the Grace of God I made it.
@Flower7 I know what I went through and something in school, I would look around the classroom and not pay attention to my school work/studies as a child I would flap my hands/ arms, this all bothers me and makes me wonder if I should have been examined for Autism , I really sorry Flower your sweet soul and I wish you the best
Thats what hollywood and the media want to tell you.
In reality people who went through a hard time differ very much on how they cope with it. Many people are completely mentally broken, some do suicide, some become abusive themselves, some put up a façade and work hard to hide their ptsd (which does not mean they are strong). Its very rare to see people be strong without any mental damage
Yes and no, they are likely stronger than most in some areas but also are likely to have developed unhealthy coping strategies in the process and thus have a lot of “weakness” or things they need to work hard to unlearn or they will ultimately hurt the person and those close to them
Personally no, they just change where the fracture lines are.
some are like where you glue an ornament, it will not break at the glued point, however the other bits are still fragile and you can never really tell if there are micro-fractures which can fail unexpectedly.
People today did not live the most of them when people appreciated hardship.
Hardships matter. Hard work. Effort and struggle. Praises and top Mark's here. Society doesn't matter. On your last day what matters is the work done. Everyone, everything else. Does not.
Not always, sometimes life can do enough to break a person forever. Life isn't a cliché where "whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger" suicide being one example, and prolonged mental illness being another. Sometimes it can make a person stronger, sometimes it can make a person more tired because they invested so much energy in putting up with the trauma than actually having a normal life.
Yes, I very much hate that quote about “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I feel like that’s so false. I completely agree with everything you said.
You’re also right that dealing with traumatic things can be a big distraction in life that prevents the person from spending that time and energy on creating positive experiences.
m nope, not always... and it can very well break you into pieces
from personal experience I could say that "strength" can come after to reconstruct yourself... and even then, you must be quite careful and conscious
I have been through more than most. A lot of people in similar situations didn’t survive. I don’t think I’m strong, I think I’m lucky. Lucky they didn’t kill me when they could, lucky I met some people who could help me just enough at just the right time.
well they must be strong. otherwise they would not be alive. but also they must be fucked up. cause you don't get to be strong mentally without also being fucked up in some sense.
you know the saying what doesn't kills you makes you harder? that's actually not quite true. what doesn't kill you, breaks you just a little more.
Not always, sometimes it can break you and other times it will make you stronger.
And sometimes it’ll do both make you strong in some ways and break you in other ways. Such as in my case.
Know it’s difficult to see yourself as strong, but you are. Most people would have given up, but not you. You will eventually get to the point where you will tell yourself “I made it, I made it” and truly begin to enjoy your life.
Nope, the opposite.
Unless they "make it" they are usually a mule and/or addict.
NO, it means u r in a survive mode, actually existing, not healing,
You should seek a therapist. I did and was the best decision in my life, it takes time and courage, but it will pay off, trust me
This BBC ones from the fact that many people who go through a rough life are not here to tell you about it, yet you are.
I think so many people try to kill themselves or do drugs, or turn to other forms of escape, or become bitter, that if you go through severe difficulties and manage to avoid such ends people will tend to think that you are strong.
There are a lot of people who haven’t had to deal with severe difficulties or crises. When they see someone who has or is dealing with them, a lot of times their response is “You are strong,” even if that person is damaged or struggling. This is because they can’t comprehend how anyone could even survive the difficulties, let alone recover completely. I have definitely got “You are strong” a lot since my life turned to chaos some years back.
I think everyone has their challenges, but not everyone faces very severe difficulties or multiple major difficulties at once.
It might help if you find a friend or two who, like yourself, has had some serious problems. I’ve found it is very healthy to have a friend who can relate to it.
When you face a rough situation and are not defeated at the end, you are still alive and have some hope, what should I call you? A strong woman or a lucky woman?
What makes you strong is what you learnt from it: as a stranger, i assume that after going through those events, since you were able to minime the damage (for example having an acute Illness which makes you feel like shit even today but your body and it's functions are comparatively alright), you are someone who adapted to the Situation and this I call you strong.
In reality, you may be fucked up but i, as a stranger, won't know about it unless you disclose it.
The fact is: you are not dead and not the same person you were before. What you decide to do, to feel, will define you. Makes sense?
Because they couldn't see themself going through that same thing these things do make u strong but equally being strong dont mean u can't feel pain hun
Automatically, no. It is different for everyone how they handles the things they endured.
Really it depends more on how you handle it than on the situation itself.
No look at serial killers they wine I was beat up by parents but yet they let that be an excuse why they turned out bad
To go through a rough life with your sanity intact.. Yes it does make you a mentally tough person.
No. Actually it makes them human.
I think it does mean that you are strong. Despite everything that you've been through, you keep going. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and one day in front of the other. Not everyone has had to experience that.
you survived... that was very "Strong" that doesn't mean you were OK with what happened... many do NOT survive... the person saying it is just trying to be supportive and caring... God Bless
Not necessarily. You only become strong as a person if you make it through the other side with positivity.
No , but if they are well adjusted and have overcome their difficulties they probably are.
Trials can make you stronger. Just the pain and still trying to do day to day this is hard. But you are choosing to push through it
It depends on how they used their rough life. To get ahead in life or stay stuck behind a protector
Depending on how they handled it is what makes them strong
God doesn't give you more then you can handle. You've had a rough life but you made it through the rough patches. You are stronger then you think.
I didn't even think about that.
They don't want to understand but if it happen
to them they would understand you
It seems some one answering the questions for me
You're strong to survived it. Not all handle it the same. Some handle it well and some handle it badly
Well it wouldn't go well by saying what happened to you was bad enough but you made a bigger mess of it. The only polite way to say it is you're evidently a strong person
You become strong by not letting hardships get the better of you. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.
A lot of the time, it’s the opposite.
The struggles will make you stronger. As they say "what doesn't kill you, it just makes you stronger".
It can often lead to them being weak and bitter.
Well your still standing, your Alive and well , you keep on fighting so you are strong
Masochism isn't strength
that strength can turns into poison.
yeah. and the constant anger needed.
most of the time yes but sometimes no.
I have strong and a weak side.
every person is different
Depends on how to define String.
why would you even think that,
rarely
Yes cause they have the strength to keep going.
Maybe it just means they had a rough life
Nope
Yes.
Most likely
Usually yes.
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