In what aspects of your life do you feel you’re decisive/indecisive?

[DizzyDesii]

Do you know what you want in life? Who you want in life? Where you want to be in life? What you need in life? What you want to eat? What you want to wear? What your major will be? What your career will be? Where you will live? If you want to marry? If you want to have kids? All that and more...

I’ve always known what i want for myself and what I want in a partner. I’ve always known that I want kids. I have been questioning marriage lately but i still know enough to know i’ll always seek longterm commitment. I’m quite decisive on that. But i do have a few indecisive moments like where I want to live statewise and what careerpath will keep me content in the longterm. Overall, I feel I know my wants more than my needs but still, I know enough of my needs to survive.
#FeelFreeToList #WhatDoYouWantForYourself

[HighlyVolatile]

I'm kind of stuck in a limbo place right now. I got almost everything I ever wanted from when I was young: an accomplished career, my own house without a mortgage, a better wife than I could ever have hoped... the only goal I fell short of is having children. My wife and I can't have any, and I sometimes feel a bit left out when my friends have to return early from a party to return to their kids. They say they envy me so much for not having to take care of kids but I think I envy them much more with their greater responsibilities and sense of purpose as parents.

Now I feel stuck a bit in a routine: work, fool around, eat, sleep, have some fun with my wife and friends, work out here and there, repeat, and might need to mix things up. I go on vacations and do lots of fun things on weekends (less so since COVID) but they feel like distractions.

As odd as it sounds, my favorite time of the year is the one most dreaded by my colleagues: crunch season when we have to work out asses off to deliver the product. I actually look forward to crunch and love it since I feel so motivated to be at my best when the product's success or failure depends in large part on my efforts. I think I'm oddly the type to enjoy life most when it's the hardest with the most number of people counting on me and the greatest pressure to succeed, and the least when it's most comfortable, and I think I'm too comfortable right now.

About my education and career when younger, it felt sort of like I was on an auto-pilot course. I was neither decisive nor indecisive and just followed the most promising of doors that opened up through my efforts in studying and working. I've never had to apply for a job in my current field, for example. The offers came to me and the only choice I made was to choose the most interesting and lucrative one. I probably would have been rather indecisive if these options weren't offered to me and I had to seek them out; I just followed the path that people presented in front of me.

[DizzyDesii]

Were you neither interested in adoption or invitro?

[HighlyVolatile]

We tried several rounds of IVF unsuccessfully. Adoption is something that interests me but it's a very sensitive subject for my wife. She tends to insist that the child at least carries my genes. The first time we received the bad news at the fertility clinic was the first time and few times I've ever seen her cry, and she went all silly on me insisting that I break up with her and find another woman. But we're a team for life as I saw it.

I don't see the big deal with adoption but somehow she's very averse to the idea, and I'm hesitant to bring it up since it's the most sensitive topic. She's not a very sensitive woman but she's sensitive on this one and only point.

[HighlyVolatile]

We've both made peace with the prospect though of being without kids. I think maybe that's the best for us, and we've grown old already. She also just recently turned 41 while I'll be 42 next month. I think maybe I just need to find more things to do outside of my work -- make my life a bit more challenging! Someone suggested I take martial arts courses. That might be an idea! As courses, they also add some greater responsibility I'm wanting to be required to go somewhere regularly on a schedule.

[DizzyDesii]

I get that the topic is extremely sensitive and im glad you stuck with her through thick and thin but communication is key. Just break the ice and tell her you want to give a child in need a home and that you can both raise them to follow your morals and standards despite genes. I too want at least one biological child but i would also adopt regardless

[HighlyVolatile]

It's been an ongoing source of discussion but also grief and trauma for my wife for the past 12 years of marriage. I think by this point, it's something better left at rest. I also doubt that I'd make a decent father; I'm a reckless adrenaline junkie and a borderline alcoholic if not a full-blown alcoholic these days (trying to fix that problem).

A second-best opportunity, as opposed to adoption, has opened up recently. My sister just moved to Japan this year. She has a five-year-old daughter together with a great American husband she met in the US. We've been helping them to settle down, find a place to live, find jobs, etc, and babysit their daughter.

We love it but they live a bit over an hour away from where we live. So one new little dream that has opened up that we've been discussing eagerly is to sell our house and move much closer to them, maybe even within their neighborhood. Then we could see them all the time and help raise my niece.

[DizzyDesii]

Aww that would be sweet

[FreeWilly2022]

Decisive-I know what I like and don't like in most things in my life. However, that doesn't mean I'm always right. I pursue the things I want and I usually go with my gut.

Indecisive-mmm knowing what a woman is thinking or what a woman wants. One of the great mysteries of life. I think I know, but I really have no idea.

[DizzyDesii]

I need to go with my gut more. Sometimes i dont know when to call it quits but I’m learning. But not knowing what women want doesn't make you indecisive... maybe clueless or just not knowing. I know men can be hard to read so i won't be surprised if we are too lol

[FreeWilly2022]

I agree with you. Going with your gut usually is the best route, because you're trusting yourself to make the right decision.

Good point on women lol. I guess I think I know what y'all are taking , but then I second guess myself-so sorta being indecisive. But then again if I always knew what you thought, what fun would that be right😉

[FreeWilly2022]

*thinking, not taking

[DizzyDesii]

Well we like effort so you can always just ask us and even if you’re wrong, at least you showered effort

[FreeWilly2022]

Good advice, im never short on effort :)

[Apulu_Imback]

What do I want in a partner? Well I just want that he have good qualities and stuff but I can't give a concrete answer as I was never in a relationship before. For now my crush is that lol.

Do I want kids? Yeah I want a family in future. I love kids.

What do I want as career? I want to be musician and writer in career field. However if I'm not successful enough in that then I will start my own business or take over my parents business. I am somewhat interested in Business but I am not interested at all in politics as my mom wants me to be.

What I want in majors? Depends. If I did well in music now then I will have a really good and Big argument with my parents and join a music College in Korea or America. I will take singing as majors.

What's my ultimate goal in life? My only goal in life is to live an independent life without anyone trying to obstacle my way and without me being dependant on anyone. Where it's just me making my life and doing what I really want to.

I'm more confident in my career path. In relationship part I don't really know what I'm looking for exactly. I don't have any experience in it. Maybe I will stay single forever too because I'm not romantic.

[DizzyDesii]

I love that you’re young and know what you want. I knew the same since i was 12

[Apulu_Imback]

Wow I was a cringe and naive kid when I was a 12 yr old 😂 I just started to mature after becoming a teenager.

[DizzyDesii]

But you're 13 now lmao

[Apulu_Imback]

Yeah 13 comes in early teen hehe

[DizzyDesii]

Im just saying you feel you changed extremely in a year? Lol

[Apulu_Imback]

Yeah I did. I changed very drastically in a year only. Maybe because I was given more responsibility and many things happened when I was a 12 yr old. I learnt from those mistake after I became a 13 yr old.

[DizzyDesii]

Oh that makes sense :)

[Apulu_Imback]

Thanks for the MHO!

[melanieeeB]

Uhm
Do you know what you want in life? - yeah
Who you want in life? - yes
Where you want to be in life? - yes
What you need in life? - yes
What you want to eat? - most of the time haha
What you want to wear? - yes
What your career will be? - kinda, it's in the making
Where you will live? -yes, I already settled for a place so far, it could change tho
If you want to marry? - marriage was never a wish of mine, I don't need to be married but If someone asks me , I might say yes.. depending on who is asking oc
If you want to have kids? - indecisive! kinda same with marriage, I never wanted kids but I also cried last year when the test was negative and if i do I'm unsure about own or adoption

[DizzyDesii]

I definitely cried about not being pregnant when i thought i was

[melanieeeB]

Aww I feel that, it's so sad! Hopefully next time and with the right person tho🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[Apple1996]

I'm crazy indecisive about everything in my life. Always have a lot of fears about making the wrong decision. Like I'm already married and have kids but those are things that naturally fell into place without much decision making. Everything else I can never make a decision without questioning it a million times.

[DizzyDesii]

Damn the hard stuff you didn't even decide? Lol everything else should be easy haha

[Apple1996]

Not easy since I'm not a planner. It's easier to go with the flow then plan

[DizzyDesii]

I prefer to prepare than plan. I like the “just in case” lifestyle

[t-8900]

The career path has always been a struggle since the only things that interested me were high risk jobs. Mostly those that could lead to great scrutiny while being in the public eye. A few want me to get into talk radio or run for office in my local district. I don't know I need time to think.

[DizzyDesii]

A radio talk show was part of my dream but judgmental fcks are what i kinda dont wanna deal with. And damn if you run for office that is major

[t-8900]

Well I'll probably do a podcast and see where it goes from there but I certainly know my laws pretty well and I know what I want to see changed and I hear lots and lots of grumbling. My girlfriend thinks I'm a natural leader and brilliant mind
She's definitely pushing me

[dustybiker]

Only really important decisions are hard for me. I want to research the heck out of them and then find the percentages of positive outcomes from people who went through both options, but also need to know the bad sides. It drives my family crazy sometimes. Only because I want to choose wisely. Defensive tactics. I don’t bother so much with the small stuff.

[DizzyDesii]

Damn thats deep but it shows you choose wisely

[dustybiker]

Thanks.

[ShadezMcgee]

Honestly indecisive in whether I want to do marriage now. Years ago I did, now I wouldn't think about it unless there was a prenup or just being partners for life or until the road ends.

Whether I want to work a job where I answer to people who make my life a big pain on the ass or take the leap and work for myself.

[DizzyDesii]

I said the same like i’ve been questioning marriage.

[TrueConfection]

I'm pretty decisive. Making big decisions was painful for me as a teenager, but it got a lot easier as the years went by (especially with kids). All my decisions now are based on how those decisions will affect my kids.

I am indecisive a bit when I feel complacent and not looking to make a change.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i think parenthood can make someone way more decisive

[LovingLoverReturned]

Decisive about most of those things except for "who" I want to marry.

I know I don't want to rush into having kids. I want to enjoy freedom a bit. I also am much considering to advice of some counselors who have a breakthrough realization that teaching kids self-love starts with yourself and how a happy marriage leads to happy, stable kids.

[DizzyDesii]

Well at least you know where you are and where you should be

[AvaOneLasTime]

I am too young to decide for half of the questions, yet.
But i do think i want to follow a medical career. And i do know i want and love my Boyfriend. As for marriage, this isn't necessary. It used to be mandatory in my country, 30-40 years ago? But not so much anymore.

[DizzyDesii]

I knew what i wanted at 12 and have stuck to that. You’re never too young but i get that not everyone moves at the same pace

[AvaOneLasTime]

Ooh, my interests changed twice upon twice over, ever since 12.

[DizzyDesii]

Mine became more of an adjustment rather than a change. I knew forever i wanted 12 kids before i turned 30. As i grew closer to 30, i started cutting down the number because how tf am i gonna pop out 12 kids in 3 years lol. So i adjusted rather than changed my mind because i knew it no longer seemed as realistic after time passed

[exitseven]

I generally do not have a problem making a big decision. I found a girl I decided I want to marry after just knowing her for a little while. We found a new home. We just drove into the neighborhood and we both knew that we were home. I had to fins a new career in my 30s. I stayed up all night and in the morning I had the whole plan in my head,

[DizzyDesii]

Thats amazing you knew that early on that you could see yourself marrying her. A lot of us girls have a hard time figuring out when a guy knows that about us that early in the game. We tend to make it known to our friends early on when we see ourselves marrying someone but as a couple its like it remains a secret I don't know

[exitseven]

I did not even propose to her. We both just knew how it was going to end up. Looking back on it I now wish I made a bigger deal about it.

[kinggeorge007]

I'm pretty much decisive upon anything but I procrastinate actions. That's my problem. It's always happening when I do something related to my personal life. Work is fine, I do work related stuff almost instantaneously. I over think my own stuff a lot. Work is no brainer.

[DizzyDesii]

I think occasional procrastination is ok but what if you lose an important opportunity one day

[kinggeorge007]

I just did miss an important opportunity today. I'm feeling numb now. Let me be sad.

[ChiTown33]

I wouldn't call myself a minimalist but I don't desire material things. My goal was always to be financially secure. I believe I've achieved that (at least as much as anyone can). So now I just focus on being happy. One thing life has taught me is people are inconsistent. And few people will love you unconditionally and so I try to make them people the biggest part of my life. Beyond that I take every day as a gift from God and try not to waste it.

[DizzyDesii]

Well thats good

[Harleigh90]

For the first time ever right now I'm in a moment of indecision. Fear of making the wrong one and knowing what I choose effects others. Have always been a 'to the point' person but right I'm indecisive.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea fear is torture forreal

[Tina19]

When it comes to relationship i am always indecisive never sure if he is the one for me i am still figuring out though i won't say all kind of cliche things people say about what should their partner be like... for me a man who can make me laugh and we have strong sexual chemistry, care and respect for each other

[gabby100]

Yes i can see what you mean, i was like that until my marriage went pear shaped. Now divorced, i just take each day as it comes, Covid changed things not going into the office. Having Zoom calls instead, wearing out joggy bottoms than my suit. Was strange first time back, could not make my mind up just to throw this situation in. But a claim came in and off you go , back to work..

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i struggle to go with the flow

[gabby100]

I do enjoy my job, its change i tend find difficult. I like to plan ahead..

[DizzyDesii]

Absolute same

[Uptowngirl88]

My mind changes all the time. I literally put a cart full of Mexican food then 5 min later was like fuck it I want see food and put it back.

Anyways, I would say I'm indecisive when it comes to relationships. I want a relationship but I don't want to necessarily share my space. So im back and forth with relationship thing. If my situation could just be like sophie brussaux then I'd be happy with that.

[DizzyDesii]

At want point in your life do you feel that you need to be decisive

[Uptowngirl88]

Like what area I feel the most decisive or when will I be decisive as far as relationships

[DizzyDesii]

Like if you feel there's a certain age that you need to be more decisive

[Uptowngirl88]

I dont have a set age for that🤣🤣 I'm indecisive about that too

[DizzyDesii]

Well like someone else mentioned, just know what you want/need before you have kids

[Uptowngirl88]

I know what I want and need and it ain't no little bastards that's for sure tf I look like buying pampers🤣🤣

[Uptowngirl88]

You know I don't like no damn kids 🤣

[DizzyDesii]

I know now

[Uptowngirl88]

Girl I been told you that 🤣. After you've worked with them , baby sat them, then have friends who can't do shit because they have no sitter and they kid chewing up they shoes you for sure don't want them. Eventually I'd want them but like I've mentioned only if it's like sophie brussaux situation.

[Clsr2thedge]

I have never really had a clear goal or set path in my life and I don't tend to plan too far ahead. But I admire people who do and those people will probably achieve more than I will and honestly I'm ok with that

[DizzyDesii]

I learned the hard way to stop planning so far ahead. Now i “prepare” rather than plan

[Clsr2thedge]

That's probably a better way to think of it. I'm aware of what options I have but I'm pretty laid back and comfortable with my life. So I guess I don't really feel the drive to change anything

[Jltakk]

Moving out, what type of place to go for, should I use the money I saved for bills, should I just drive on the open road, should I go out, should I get out of bed, should I practice guitar, should I practice piano, should I make beats, should I play solitaire, should I go back to sleep, should I request time off, will my folks like me coming back from traveling during a pandemic, should I even bother texting anyone, etc...

[DizzyDesii]

Damn you need guidance son

[Jltakk]

Everyone needs guidance dear.

[Jltakk]

I just don't make quick judgments before my decisions

[DizzyDesii]

I dont either. Thats why i was deemed a planner for so long. But now im the preparer. I prepare rather than plan.

[Anpu23]

I have a very clear view of where I am and where I want to get to. I have a plan to get from here to there.

There are somethings that I simply don't care about. Those I just leave for others or chance.

[DizzyDesii]

Thats understandable

[pastuser]

i'm decisive/indecisive in these areas in my life i may also been lazy in those areas in life i need to work on these things i just don't have the drive in life its prob the drepression i have

i want a better job in life
i want a woman in life i have high standards for one.

i also know i need to learn how to drive.

[DizzyDesii]

Fight the depression by self motivation

[Ghen30]

When I'm clothes shopping and nothing interests me, or I'm staring into my fridge unsure what to eat and then ultimately ordering pizza or breadsticks. lol

[Andres77]

Security and keeping my family safe. Very decisive.
If there's extra room in the budget I'm a little too permissive on letting my kids buy frivolous stuff.

[DizzyDesii]

Haha i see