What is 'constantly' on Your mind?

[SandandWaves]

[TrillXHippy]

Too many things are on my mind but it’s not something that I can really talk about. Long story short it feels like I’m self destructing

[Sabretooth]

a girl.

[Sabretooth]

https://gundam.fandom.com/wiki/Allenby_Beardsley everything I could ever want.

[SandandWaves]

Thanks for sharing that with me

[Sabretooth]

No problem. Thought of a conversation with a guy about marrying his girlfriend. Told him that the Ring should match her. Got me curious on what ring I would buy for Allenby: ae01.alicdn.com/.../...6R.jpg_640x640Q90.jpg_.webp

[SandandWaves]

It's really pretty

[Sabretooth]

thanks. looked for a while. the colors match hers. nothing on that ring is real but that is the formation I'd want. she'd really do a massive overhaul on me... I could live. plus, her berserker rage reminds me of my idol--Wolverine.

[SandandWaves]

sweet..

[Sabretooth]

Though I will say... I was NOT a fan of the movie Logan... At all.

[SandandWaves]

me either

[Sabretooth]

Great promise from the trailers... But failed to deliver. There was a good story hidden under all that garbage.

[SandandWaves]

i feel exactly the same way you do towards that movie

[SandandWaves]

some trailers are punks... huh

[Sabretooth]

agreed. aside from the glairing issues like X24 being able to sneak into a house with X23 in there... and if you REALLY have to ask why that can't work... well, you only prove what I've saying: '' reading the comics doesn't mean you are any more knowledgeable than those who don't.''. the other issue was the clear overcompensation of R rated content for lack of anything of substances... the movie never progressed from the start... none of the kick in the ass from similar movies. no real story at all. still, least they tried punking us... unlike that Power Rangers move from 2014... no hiding how bad that was.

[SandandWaves]

I know when something is good by it keeping me at the edge wanting more..

[Sabretooth]

haven't seen Sonic 2, Venom 2 or, Spider-Man 3 yet.

[SandandWaves]

am really not into part 2's and 3's except for maybe a few. which to me.. most movies it's the 1st one i like the best. .. unless it's a to be continued movie in separate parts.

[SandandWaves]

i only liked spiderman 1 the best

[Sabretooth]

meaning the ones with Holland.

[SandandWaves]

I didn't watch those really

[Sabretooth]

They're pretty good.

[SandandWaves]

I'll check em out

[Sabretooth]

Been trying to find the 3rd online.

[Sabretooth]

You familiar with the Scream movies?

[SandandWaves]

just seen the trialer

[Sabretooth]

yeah?

[SandandWaves]

looks alright, never seen the trailer.. first was trying to see where you can watch it

[Sabretooth]

Never saw the movies but I remember the trailers. My mom saw the first one. She also bought me the costume. I was messing with armor pieces in a game called Swtor and accidentally created a similar look with a skull mask and hooded trenchcoat. I also made a story about it told in songs.

[SandandWaves]

I totally missed your scream message, I was messaging back to the spiderman 3. Yeh i seen the movies scream. I really only liked the first one. I don't like it now though.
that's neat told in your songs

[Sabretooth]

which 3rd? like Sid--good heart and strong. thanks. wanna see it?

[SandandWaves]

yeh!

[Sabretooth]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISKfhC5GY2k

[SandandWaves]

just listened to this and seen the pictures... thanks for sharing. ;)

[Sabretooth]

thanks. a lot of this is a reflection of my life. no problem.

[SandandWaves]

I have always expressed myself through music too

[Sabretooth]

Allenby and I are very similar.

[Sabretooth]

plus, her power and skills would make my job easier. men may wanna promise to always be there to protect you... but that's a promise no man can keep indefinitely.

[SandandWaves]

oh... ?

[Sabretooth]

That requires us to be in constant control over the events of life.

[Sabretooth]

you will encounter a rapist, a serial killer, a gang or, just a common thief without your man around... at anytime... so, you prepare--learn to defend yourself. also, get some job skills--you may need to help make ends meet, as well. battles are won ahead of time.

[SandandWaves]

that;s exactly right

[Sabretooth]

with Allenby... I'd be torn.: do I fight to protect her? or, do I just wanna sit back and and enjoy the show while selling tickets? hmm... I could use some easy money.

[SandandWaves]

both..

[Sabretooth]

think I'd rather watch her tear em to shreds. as you read--she was raised to be a weapon.

[SandandWaves]

Ha, yeh.. like you said though in other words, even the strong, can have weak moments

[Sabretooth]

emotionally speaking. though, her berserker rage does have a weakness.

[SandandWaves]

missing an arm or something?

[Sabretooth]

it affects her mind--making her easy to control. the further she draws on that power--the more sanity she loses, but, if she had an anchor to keep herself centered and help her keep herself under control--it would also increase her mental powers--making her much harder to control.

[Sabretooth]

she is a kindred spirit.

[SandandWaves]

that's nice

[Sabretooth]

though, her berserker rage would make me wish that she was a man from time to time.

[Sabretooth]

though,, her infectious zeal would likely compel to to fight her, anyway and enjoy every moment of it.

[SandandWaves]

how come a man from time to time?

[Sabretooth]

Because her beserker rage makes her too tempting. Promising a fun fight. But, I suppose her infectious zeal would compel me to fight her anyway.

[Sabretooth]

Normally, a man fighting a woman would repulse me. I can see her changing me in radical ways... Bringing life into me.

[Sabretooth]

I'd also take jabs about her team name: ''The Four Heavenly kings'' for obvious reasons... which she would likely take advantage and make comments putting my sexuality into question and such and force me to concede.

[SandandWaves]

how would you two fight?

[Sabretooth]

Knowing her? Physically... In and out of Gundams. She likes to fight. Not something I would do normally... But I suspect is do quite a few things I normally wouldn't do... Hardly a surprise. She has an infectious zeal... She would be a great source of motivation... A positive motivation. Sure, I could try and be chivalrous... But that would mean missing out doing things with her... Not an option.

[Sabretooth]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nN22wXPrYZI

[Sabretooth]

she's a gamer, too. I foresee us never being apart for long.

[Sabretooth]

''But I suspect I'd do quite a few things I normally wouldn't do.

[Sabretooth]

we're both pretty damn competitive... I wouldn't be satisfied until I could go toe to toe with her in her berserker rage... hell, with my stupid ass--I'd get myself that system. the universe wouldn't be ready for us.

[SandandWaves]

So.. are you saying you would fight with her physically in person? I think I may be confused here. Is she a charactor from a game of the type of girl you want to have? Or is she real and that's her in a video game.

[Sabretooth]

In a anime: G Gundam.

[SandandWaves]

Ohhhhh, I see.. now

[Sabretooth]

in truth... I've felt like I belonged. as a Jehovah's Witness; I believe in a resurrection in a perfect world... I could never see myself there... it won't fill my desires. I've always wanted but couldn't never be satisficed. I don't want a perfect world for myself... not yet. I don't want simple or easy; I want a life worth my while... I can't have that here. there... with her... I'd have everything I could ever want and more... I could finally live... I could even sacrifice my memories and let myself and everything I am die and be born again... something normally detestable to me. even wanting to endure the same miserable childhood I had. it would be a harsher world than we currently have now... but, there would be a place where I belonged. Allenby encompasses all the qualities I want... I'd even say that she's a stronger person than me--her eyes match the gem she is. this is an old song that really speaks to me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRAu4kvpmEs haven't thought that song in years.

[Sabretooth]

''in truth... I've never felt like I belonged.''

[SandandWaves]

well, you sure know what you need to do

[Sabretooth]

Hmm?

[SandandWaves]

I didn't read it all to right. To me, I see you want something great.. you see her as great... and strong.. at same time... I didn't like hearing how you would like to go through something bad though

[Sabretooth]

I already have... nothing but a series of endless tragedy and pain. my reasoning is this is simple; to find my other half, for us to bond other it, heal each other and to be each other's strength. suffering can lead to great things.

[Sabretooth]

hardships makes you appreciate things far more.

[Sabretooth]

Being able to understand each other in ways others can't.

[SandandWaves]

yeh I get that, so.. you want to go through it all over again? you said you want it

[Sabretooth]

I do. Maybe it won't be the same... Maybe worse... either way, It'll only make it better.

[SandandWaves]

I get it

[Sabretooth]

it's that special connection.

[Sabretooth]

just wondering if you actually clicked those links.

[SandandWaves]

I sure did. her...

I still have one up... that you made

[Sabretooth]

hop you enjoy it and gain something. dealt with another person who I sent things to who I found out never really watched the links and only wanted to be polite. I told her that people would stop trusted anything she said... she chose to ignore it. I've dealt with nothing but fake people. as for Allenby and her world... I've never seen myself in god's perfect paradise... but, I see myself in her world--her being the breath of life and a person to really motivate me in life to be the best that I an be. I see the perfect paradise as the end of a journey that I never even got to start... I see dying and being reborn in her world as a start to a journey far greater than I ever planned or wanted.

[SandandWaves]

I am still talking with you... am not like that

[Sabretooth]

she did as well--we got along okay... or, so it appeared--we spoke a lot.

[Sabretooth]

and after the years suffering and pain, the meeting and bonding, the sparring, the falling in love and marrying, the adventures, the Gundam fights and when our hair starts to gray... I think we'll be ready for the paradise earth... though, I doubt it'll be ready for us... oh, well... I don't ever see us calming down. even so, we'll still be early for the perfect world as far as we're concerned... there'd be no hurry.

[Sabretooth]

and before you think that this is to live some kinda desire to to life out a childhood fantasy... perhaps to some small and insignificant degree... not enough absent of her... but, key with her. hell, if all I wanted was a power trip... I'd ask to be in the Star Wars universe... I could be a god in either universes... question would be: ''how long until the novelty wears off?'' years? months? weeks? days? hours? minutes? seconds? how long until that no longer satisfices me and I end up back where I am now? sure! fighting with robotic suits and going on adventures sounds incredibly fun... I can get that in video games--it would mean nothing... I would still hunger but never able to be satisfied... but, doing it all that her beside me... she'd be the linchpin.

[SandandWaves]

I like your ambition..

[Sabretooth]

''hell, if all I wanted was a power trip... I'd ask to be in the Star Wars universe or, in Dragon Ball... I could be a god in either universes...'' thanks. it would be more than enough for me... not to say that I won't aim to be the best... as if she'd even gimme a damn choice... heh.

[Sabretooth]

''Beauty, brains, and a complete psycho. My dream girl.''.

[SandandWaves]

well, she just might, give you a damn choice

[Sabretooth]

nah. she drives people. as I keep saying: ''she's infectious''. besides, I wouldn't want to do otherwise. I lack motivation... hell. I'm barely even alive. we're both competitive. besides, I won't be satisfied until I can go toe to toe with her in her berserker rage and win... I just hope that we have enough to cover my medical bills.

[Sabretooth]

and in so doing, help her control it.

[SandandWaves]

sp.. what are you gonna do...

[Sabretooth]

what can I do? other than to keep floating in limbo? songs like this do bring me close to that dream: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FaQHyHwFgeg . I've had my fantasies before... but nothing this strong... I sure as hell never went on about them.

[SandandWaves]

I've always liked that song, still do. first heard it on a movie.

Good Things, and people come at the right timing

[Sabretooth]

I'll be happy to be reborn there--untainted by my past... a fresh start. that would be more than enough.

[Sabretooth]

and believe me--I am a realist... that's why I would never wanna be in universes such as Star Wars or Dragon Ball... even if it were possible... what's there other than temporary highs? not good enough... I get that from video games.

[SandandWaves]

a fresh start would be good

[Sabretooth]

Agreed. God's paradise is for no health issues, no crime, a resurrection, never aging. Great for many but not for me... It can't grant me what I want more than anything.

[SandandWaves]

so, no heaven right now?

[Sabretooth]

That's the earthly paradise. Only a select few go to heaven. But no, not yet. I crave her, her world and the memories to be made there. Hardships create the strongest bonds... That's why I want my shitty childhood back. After the meeting her, going on adventures with her, bonding with her, growing with her and after our hair begins to gray... We'll be ready and even if we die before then... I can do it with a smile. Finally get the life I've been denied... That would be my paradise.

[SandandWaves]

I like that

[Sabretooth]

I would be enough for me. Looking at her makes me happy. This would be far better than anything I have ever imagined or wanted before. It ain't about some silly childhood fantasy... I get to live that all day everyday... It's why those other 2 universes have no appeal to me other than the fact that she ain't in em... About as much for me in there as there is for me here... Well, maybe a bit more but not nearly enough.

[Sabretooth]

the only real price for me would be my pride. of all the lies and manipulations I've had to endure for my entire life... losing my memory or having it altered in anyway is appalling to me. I don't really have much reason to keep it... far more bad memories than good memories... but it's a matter of pride. but, for her and the life I crave... it's a price I'm willing to pay.

[SandandWaves]

am listening..

[Sabretooth]

... hmm?

[SandandWaves]

am here listening

[Sabretooth]

I wouldn't wanna give up my memory... the years of anger and pain and just be like ''meh, none of it mattered. the abuse didn't matter, the lies didn't matter, the broken dreams doesn't matter, the heartache I've suffered doesn't matter... that would be far worse than dying... but, for the life I crave... a reason to give it up--a fresh start to my life... even to go through my childhood again... but, with purpose, to meet Allenby, bound with her, go on adventures with her, fight with and along with her, grow closer to her, marry her... I can make that trade. I'd be free of my curse... to always hunger but to never be satisficed. I feel like Darth Nihilus... which is incredibly ironic.

[Sabretooth]

That would be to live a lie.

[SandandWaves]

so, we are still on the same page, you wanna meet a woman like Allenby from anime, to start a new life... right?

[Sabretooth]

I'd like to meet her. but, yes.

[Sabretooth]

I wanna be in her world with her.

[Sabretooth]

that would... change my life in great ways. one of God's promises is to remove all pain... that would destroy me. I can lose my pain for this desire.

[Sabretooth]

I know that it sounds insane... but this has been my mind for years... to get a better life... a more meaningful life... a lost my chance here. I've never really had a purposeful life... sure as hell not a lot of happiness... just heartache and broken dreams... to just lose my pain and anger... that would be worse than death. I've never been able to see myself in God's paradise... I've always felt guilty for that. but, after seeing her face again one day and reading about her and knowing her world... there was an instant pull and desire... that would give me everything and far more.

[SandandWaves]

want you to have a good life

[Sabretooth]

thanks. I certainly think I've earned it. you may think I'm crazy... this isn't normal for me. yes, I've had fantasies... nothing this strong that could offer me so much.

[SandandWaves]

i dont think thaat

[Sabretooth]

I could give up myself for that and that alone. anything else would only mock my suffering.

[SandandWaves]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPvZJBz9PC4

[Sabretooth]

Yeah. She does replace the consistent thought of the girl who broke my heart.

[Sabretooth]

my dream, my longing for that reality... for her... that would give give me more than I could ever ask for. this is not something I've ever desired before... not even as a child. but, I can't ignore the fact that my life has never been fulfilling, that I've never belong, never filled, never saw myself in God's promised paradise, that I've never been truly happy... just an endless cycle of pain. my chance of accomplishing that dream here... I have to accept that. I can't move on... I can't heal and even even if I did get it back... the best years are gone and my heart it too damaged, I don't even believe that anything in this world even matters or is real. I wasn't looking for this desire... I don't even remember why I found Allenby's picture. but, this would be a second chance to have the life I've wanted for so long--to get everything I can't get here.

[SandandWaves]

you deserve a chance

[Sabretooth]

a second chance. sure, fighting in mobile suites is every kid's dream. every kid wants to live out such a fantasy... but alone, it would be insignificant. the real value is the life it offers; the friends, the love, the memories and a better and for me to be more driven driven person... Allenby wouldn't suffer less.

[SandandWaves]

then, you both will win...

[Sabretooth]

she'd have someone who understood her, who'd always be there for her, who'd see her for the emerald that she is... not as foil for another. that's why I need the suffering from my childhood.

[SandandWaves]

the strong keep standing

[Sabretooth]

that can be a curse. the suffering will from my childhood will serve as the catalyst for us to bond and makes us stronger.

[Sabretooth]

I would also like to show her Sonic--the blue haired and green eyed hedgehog... only to tease her about it, later.

[SandandWaves]

that;s right, stronger

[Sabretooth]

and that would be enough for me.

[SandandWaves]

It's good to be an Eagle
'Bald Eagle'

[Sabretooth]

What?

[SandandWaves]

no fear... strong... stand tall bold.

[Sabretooth]

it would be a more dangerous world.

[SandandWaves]

if you think that way, then you will not make it. so are you saying you are still willing to fight.. even though you can fall... if so, why...
being an eagla means, you can take this-- no matter what comes in your path!

[SandandWaves]

Eagle

[Sabretooth]

won't be an easy life... I'd have to fight this, eventually: https://villains.fandom.com/wiki/Devil_Gundam . not an easy or simple life... but, then, that doesn't interest me. the only thing I care about is: ''is it worth it?'' answer: ''... oh, hell yeah!''

[SandandWaves]

I re read what i wrote... didn't expresss it the whole way i wanted it to be. Being like an eagle does stand tall.. strong.. like i have been seeing ya here. Just because someone is like an eagle, doesn't mean, we can't go through rough times, and yes, the rough times we go through.. that doesn't make us fall or fail, we stand back up and go at it again, still makes us an eagle. I just misunderstood ya in your message before my first eagle message. :o )

[SandandWaves]

that was mant as a smiley... with a nose

[Sabretooth]

lol.

[Sabretooth]

I can't fly here

[SandandWaves]

yeh...

[Sabretooth]

just survive. I can't go into God's paradise like this; for all my dreams, all my suffering to amount to nothing. and just be ''eh'' I'd rather die. I suffer from that now! I'd still have to have to for my dream... but, I'd be able to have a second chance to not only have that dream but even better. a perfect world without hardship... it removes the best part of a relationship. those hardships are the moments that matter the most... even more than the happy times.

[SandandWaves]

seems... you re still gonna suffer knowing it's gonna kill ya, even though you get to fight. Wouldn't you want to fight and keep surviving? why do you want to fight in this new world you want... to risk dying?

[Sabretooth]

I'd have a reason to fight and survive... A reason to live. It's not about fighting... It's... Well: https://youtu.be/DyYnCswenC0 this is how I view life: https://youtu.be/V9aaxZGj3ss

[SandandWaves]

I will look at these videos ina minute.. , so you dont want to die yet to go to heaven, is it because you couldnt fight the suffer in your childhood? I don't know you, but, it seems like you would be fine on your own to do this alone... you dont need someone strong as well to do this with you, i see the fight in you alone, i know you want to help her rage, thats fine, but... the whole not wanting gods paradise yet, look at it this way... you're not in that type world yet... so look at how you are now... you're in some type of mind fight... that's good. I know pain, just like we all do, not comparing anyones life to mine, or yours to anyone elses... it's just you have courage... you know what you want.., this is surving now and also... we are fighting everyday to get towards what we want, to get what we want. So dying to go to heaven tomorrow, if you or i do, will e fine, you didn't give up.

[Sabretooth]

no one can do it alone... not without eventually breaking. imagine fighting endless waves of undead... and nothing else... that's surviving... that's not the same thing. that would make everything in my life... all my struggle worthless. you described my entire life. no fire can stay lit forever, without help--it fades.

[SandandWaves]

I didn't mean it completly alone... we all need help 'sometimes'. You're right we will eventually break if we were alone during hard times. I know.

[Sabretooth]

31 years of struggling through a life that gets worse and worse. the world I seek would make my suffering worth it. far more than I've imagined or wanted.

[SandandWaves]

I'm glad you habe that to look forward to

[Sabretooth]

I hope I get this. I think about it all the time. the joy I could have in that world... with her and the journey with her... it would be far more more than anything I could ever imagine... providing that her hotheadedness in a prison somewhere... heh!

[SandandWaves]

i hope so too

[Sabretooth]

''providing that her hotheadedness doesn't end up making us a permanent residents in a prison somewhere... heh!''.

[SandandWaves]

yeh.. well you can do in there

[Sabretooth]

... huh?

[SandandWaves]

what you want' in there

[Sabretooth]

meaning?

[SandandWaves]

if you two end up there... it won't stop ya...
sure.. there's walls all around...
but.. still you're not stopped, you can still do your dream...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3sMjm9Eloo

[Sabretooth]

''you can still do your dream...''?

[SandandWaves]

desire

[Sabretooth]

I don't understand.

[SandandWaves]

you can still live out your desire in there..

[Sabretooth]

how do you mean?

[SandandWaves]

I was just saying just because you are both in there it shouldn't stop your desire of what you're wanting in life. Would it stop it?

[SandandWaves]

well, it would stop from you both doing things together... in different places

[SandandWaves]

being * in separate prisons

[Sabretooth]

kinda felt like you were mocking me. wouldn't be fun.

[Sabretooth]

Were you?

[SandandWaves]

nah... i think it wouldn't keep you from your desire... you both couldn't be standing close by each other... but, could still be close in some type way... and still fulfill your desire... or would that not be able to work? there's bad people in those things... you guys can protect the innocent...

[Sabretooth]

I don't understand...

[SandandWaves]

I like talking with you..

[Sabretooth]

Why?

[SandandWaves]

I been away, had to start spaghetti in a crock pot. I ike talking with you because I like the way you think and how you don't stop believing. So, I wouldn't be mocking you..
I never been in prison, so not sure if you two, could still do this together, seperatly yes... but, you want to be with her to do this.. am supporting you in this..

[SandandWaves]

I like this..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrwE02l0d0Y

[Sabretooth]

A smartass remark about her hotheaded nature. Alright. I'll accept that. I wouldn't put stock into this kinda thing... I've had fantasy crushes before... But this is something else. This would grant me what I've wanted and far more.

[SandandWaves]

well that went over my head, about what you said her hotheaded nature

[SandandWaves]

the prison thing.
i may be going to pass out soon.. so if i don't respond, i crashed...

[Sabretooth]

yeah... even without that berserker rage... she's still no one to piss off. still, it would be entertaining to see the prisoner alpha bitch try to assert dominance over the new petite girl. normally, I'd break up cat fights... but not this one... why when I already know what the result'll be? think it would be better just to make bets and pay our way out... assuming they don't just decide to throw us us... heh.

[Sabretooth]

doubt things would get that serious. but if they did try and put us in separate prisons... God help em... cause I won't be able to.

[SandandWaves]

everything will be alright..

[Sabretooth]

Huh?

[SandandWaves]

meaning, you both won't be in prison

[Sabretooth]

Maybe. I doubt they'd be able to hold her, anyway... And if they did--they'd likely decided that she's not worth the trouble.

[Sabretooth]

As for dying; yeah, that world does scare me... But, a life not worth living and not worth preserving? Or, a worth worth living and worth everything to preserve?

[HighlyVolatile]

It's a bit all over the place in my case. Music tends to constantly be in my head even if I'm not listening to any.

[FunkyMonkee]

A number of things. Health, bills, records, music, food, sex, money, things that need dealt with, etc..

[AliceGregory]

Recently, the cold but thankfully the weather warmed up a bit.

[SmokyOne]

Somewhere between sober, existential dread and nostalgic, not sober worth thoughts of sex sprinkled throughout

[exitseven]

Besides sex it is probably wondering if I will ever find a new job.

[whereismyjohnny]

Too many things 😐 My mind never turns off 😅

[SandandWaves]

same here

[ShyGuy303]

Financial Freedom and locking it in with a women I can share this over abundance of simpish love with

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Worrying about stuff that may never happen

[Andres77]

Security... and bills... and then sex.

[Likes2drive]

Finding a good partner and place to live

[Waldoe]

Sex... and I'm 72... (ewwwww)

[Zolly99999]

How to make more money

[Dinosaursandanime65]

Legacy Tease, dinosaurs, YvridioVaseilio

[SignedAutographs]

You, and me, and zoboomafoo

[krin_m]

A lot!
My mind is a busy place!

[dustybiker]

D day

[laurieluvsit]

Let's see? ... what does the D stand for? Wait! ... no, it couldn't be! ... lol

[dustybiker]

@laurieluvsit lol

[YourExLover69]

Moving abroad and earning more n more

[bowenw]

Chipmunks.

[SpaceGalaxy]

The gorgeous female Ass

[Danny_dan92]

Money

[Rizwan_khan]

Sex and money

[one1wild00]

Sex, having kids.

[humanearth]

Being killed

[Fuentes]

Nothing at all