Isn't it embarrassing that I was naive until age 34?

[Vesuvius87]

Figuratively speaking, I was similar to Sleeping Beauty that didn't wake up for so long. Even when I was in my mid-late 20's, my innocent mind and giving/trusting nature was that of an 18 year-old, stuck back in time. I saw the beauty in people and believed in fairytales.

Last year on Oct, I snapped out of it and saw everything from a realistic stance. I finally saw the evil nature in some people and it was as if I've been totally red-pilled. Meanwhile I've retained most of my physical youth as a result of a good diet, practicing Judo and never smoking in my life (people still confuse me for a woman in my 20's), I've aged quickly from a mental perspective.

Nowadays I don't give out my money to anyone except my mother and maternal grandma. I don't believe in anyone's words unless followed by immediate actions or more actions than words. I won't invite any person in my life; my friends have been very limited. I don't trust easily. Isn't that embarrassing? I was naive till last year, till age 34.

[HighlyVolatile]

I think you still don't have the real balance. You went extreme one way and then you discovered something huge and went extreme the other way.

There's no deep sense of enlightenment to discover the world is fucked up, that people are fucked up. The most annoying people I've ever met are those who seemed to have just recently discovered imperfections in things revolving around human beings.

But if you respond in a nihilistic way not trusting anyone, for example, then that's probably fear motivating you. It's not a harmonious way.

[Vesuvius87]

Not being too trusting means that I'm more careful. I don't give 2nd chances now and definitely not a 3rd chance. My stance at this point is that if someone does something break my trust, is a toxic person or is acting shady, that's it for me. They are blocked and removed from my life permanently.
I don't mean the ''I forgot your b-day, I'm sorry'' thing. This is reserved for real offenses and people that deliberately try to take advantage of you.

[HighlyVolatile]

But you talk about breaking trust which means you already gave it to them. If you give them the benefit of the doubt -- innocent until proven guilty so to speak -- then I think you are doing it right.

[EssenceOfLight]

That's a problem of good good willing people, we are naive until someone destroys everything we have been taught and believed before. It's difficult to fight with your mind against your heart if you don't want to make the same mistake again and again.

[Vesuvius87]

Yeah... to get an idea of how naive I was; imagine the cartoon character Goofy that always gives people chances (believing they learn from it), is clumsy, happy and so full of life, has an odd laugh (my laugh is weird too), can be childish and is very sweet. I was kind of the female version of that character.

It really sucks when people take advantage of a kind person that has done nothing to you, that doesn't deserve it and would've given you money if you ask for it with the hope you'll pay it back. Even though I'm in a new relationship for 5 months and more careful by now; I still got destroyed. The person took away my years I'll never get back and even found it funny with a sick laughter.

[EssenceOfLight]

I can be a ruthless asshole who's assertive and competitive, plus I've got the lesson that I attract often human trash as I was younger than 20. Nevertheless in rare moments when I feel something, the attitude of most people to each other makes me sad. It's not even about rang or benefits in most cases people treat each other like shit, it's just satisfaction of some prehistoric ego needs.

[Anonymous]

Nope. It took me till 40. I was raised that all women are ladies and should be treated as such. And I truly believed that for 40 years.
So don't feel bad. 🙂

[Vesuvius87]

Sorry to hear that. Some of us are just very unlucky to have stumble with crappy people that take advantage of us. I really believe in the stupid proof of love, how sex should be something sacred for the one you fall in love with, how my first would be my last and that he would then marry me. It was all a total waste of time and everything I got told were pure lies.

[MagicCarpet1]

What makes you think you are still not naive right now. LOL!

[Vesuvius87]

It feels different when you're staring right into reality (no longer from a dreamer's perspective) and see the flaws and negative things in life. You're not trusting towards others anymore.

[TenkRealist]

That's all fine and dandy but internally, you're still close to 35.

[Vesuvius87]

I know. On the outside, I'm like a young woman full of energy, can still run very fast and fit but on the inside, my mind and organs are at my current age.

[TenkRealist]

Yeah. Keep that mind. That's all. At least you had the realisation now. Some don't get it until they're really old

[Vesuvius87]

I'm working on taking care of that issue though. I have two options for now. The first option is my current 5 month old relationship. I'm keeping in track of its progress. If it leads nowhere by Oct and I don't get out of the forever dating stage, then my second option and last resort would be pay for an IVF (in-vitro) and raise him/her on my own.

[TenkRealist]

Right. And what do you do with all the other babies except the ones you choose through IVF? Don't go that route. Date to Marry. You'll find someone.

[Vesuvius87]

That's what I'm doing. We haven't had sex yet. I'm doing the ''waiting till marriage'' method and see how it goes.

[WhyMe247]

Ha ha, I was the same way! My dad always called me a late bloomer.

[Vesuvius87]

yeah everyone is different. Some people get streetsmart earlier than others

[roy_ricky09]

Nope...

follow me on Instagram

https://www. instagram. com/ardentbiblio_roy

[Fuentes]

Huge turn off

[In_Trance]

it is what it is

[Anonymous]

No, not really.

[Vesuvius87]

True. It would've been worse if I had never woke up from that fantasy.