Being barefoot in a wedding?

[Anonymous]

Hello,

With my younger sister we had a long ongoing bet regarding if she will marry before me. So the bet was set and the loser was going to get an embarrassing punishment. I was very confident for some reason, going on loudly on how I eill punish her in the past years. But unfortunately things did not go well for me and she's getting married in the next month. I was hoping that she forgot about our bet (which was not possible of course, but she didn't mention it even long after she got engaged) but recently she told me what will my punishment be: She wants me to go barefoot throughout her wedding ceremony (as she knows how I hate my bare feet being seen) which I think is horrible 😅 .

But no matter how much hated the idea of this punishment, I'll do it as she won fairly and it was my idea to set the bet like this. But at the same time I am terribly embarrassed even by imagining it.

So, do you think it is normal to be barefooted in a wedding ceremony? How should I answer if someone ask where my shoes are?

Thanks for your answers 😅

[slatyb]

You don't have to do this -- it's a pretty silly bet. People will be curious but you can just tell them.

[Asker]

Yeah I know I am not obliged to but it's a discussion of years and mainly I pushed for it so I don't know if I can avoid this. Should I tell them I am barefoot because of the bet?

[Guy13]

Cut out the bottom of your shoes and cup over top. You are going barefooted. What ya think?

[Asker]

Of course would be much better but my sister would not let me do it :D

[Guy13]

But you are barefoot and that’s the only requirement

[Asker]

Unfortunately she even told me that I can't even wear anything that goes below my ankles, not even a long dress to hide my feet 😅

[Changiis07]

I mean yes it will be embarrassing and no not normal at all but you can be honest you lost a bet

[Asker]

🙈 yeah I thought about it but figured it'd be even more embarrassing how I lost and ended up like that😅

[Asker]

Actually the thing is my sister's soon to be husband's one of close relatives is my ex fiance 😅 and he'll probably in the ceremony too. So it'll be like I'm in this situation because I didn't get to merry him which makes the things much worse for me 😅 What do you think?

[Changiis07]

I mean yes it might but maybe you can get there really early and sit down or get there later so that everyone is distracted and won't notice

[Asker]

That's not possible because I'll also be greeting the guest in the entrance with the family as a tradition. Do you think people will not look down?

[Changiis07]

More than likely a few will, well def embarrassing but what can you do now but go through with it lol

[Asker]

Damn🙈 And what do you think I should say if anyone ask why I am barefoot?

[Changiis07]

What I said earlier you lost a bet lol

[Asker]

Yeah but how about the situation with my ex fiance? 🙈

[Changiis07]

You lost a bet and that's it lol you don't have to go into detail

[Asker]

Hmm yeah I don't have to tell what bet that I lost, close family members definetely know but others don't. But anyway he'll notice how uncomfortable I am because he knows that I hate it, throughout our relationship he saw my feet maybe 2-3 times 😅

[Changiis07]

Lol this is horrible when is the wedding?

[Asker]

Thanks 🙈 a few weeks later, why?

[Changiis07]

Just wondering

[Asker]

So looks like there's nothing I can do to make it less embarrassing right?

[KelleyNice]

Say, "I took them off momentarily because they are new are are hurting my feet.

[Asker]

Yeah but they'll notice that it'll not be momentarily but the whole ceremony 😅 and also in the past I've made many bad comments out loud for the girls who take off their shoes in events for dancing etc so now will be in the same spot🙈

[KelleyNice]

You are so conceited. Who are you that people are going to be paying attention to you; let alone for entire ceremony?

[Asker]

You may be right that's why I am asking maybe I am making this a big deal while it is nothing. But definitely people will notice as I'll also be greeting the guest in the entrance with the family as a tradition.

[KelleyNice]

In that case, say, "It her wedding and, for some reason, she asked me too go barefoot." Put the responsibility on her to her explain.

[Asker]

Yeah but I just don't want to be in a spot that I am barefoot because I am being punished by her 🙈 Isn't that more embarrassing?

[KelleyNice]

That is why you don't explain. Let her explain. You are doing it because it's her wedding and she asked you too. I promise that after a couple of people ask her, she'll ask you to put your shoes on.

[Asker]

I think she'll enjoy more explaining people how she beat me and now punishing me 😅 And people know how we have always been in competition even after growing up so I don't want people to know that she's making me do that against my will. Isn't that very humiliating? 🙈

[KelleyNice]

She is not going to like it when told she is being childish and acting like a spoiled brat. Regardless, it it bothers that much, don't do it. It is not a fair penalty. It is like "I dare you to walk the ridge-pole," was not a fair dare. "Anne of Green Gables"

[Asker]

I think no one will tell a bride that she's being a spoiled brat in her wedding, they'll just support her. I can't find a good excuse to not do it; I was the one who insisted on this bet and even told how may I punish her when I win many times in front of many family members so can't think of a reason that it's not fair. Do you think that it's a harsh, not doable punisment?

[KelleyNice]

It that case, just do it. It's not that big a deal. I'm sure people will notice; but, after a few days, they won't think about it. When someohe asks, you can reply, "Yes, I'm barefoot, does it upset you."

"No! But why are you barefoot?"

"Just because." Or "It's a dare." Or else, "I have a blister," or whatever.

[Asker]

Yeah people will forget but not me and the wedding photos and videos if I can not avoid them 😅 It gets worse considering many people who know me knows that I hate being barefoot, like my ex fiance who saw my feet maybe 2-3 times throughout our relationship. So as you suggested, best way is to try avoiding the questions because they'll know anyway that I am doing this because of a punishment. And there is not much I can do to make it less embarrassing 🙈

[KelleyNice]

If, in your mind, it is that big a deal, tell the groom that in lieu of going barefoot, you want to give him and you sister a$1,000 cashier's check as an extra wedding gift. I'm certain he will tell your sister to take the $1,000. That's solves your problem.

[Asker]

After I described the whole situation to you, do you think it is still not a big deal for me 😅 Bribing the groom sounds like a good idea but the problem is he's already quite wealthy man (lucky sister 😄) so probably I'll make a fool of myself again by this offer 😅 But still I am seriously considering to try it right now 🤔 might be worth trying.

[KelleyNice]

It wouldn't be a big deal to me but I'm younger so if I do something out of the ordinary it raises fewer eyebrows. Whether wealthy or not, if asked nicely, men want to please women. Just say you made this foolish bet; its humiliating so instead, you would like to give this extra wedding gift. Likely, he is decline the money and tell your sister to call if off anyway. After all, he wants to get married, not cause people to talk.

[Asker]

OK you've convinced me to talk to him. Actually I wanted as less people as possible to know about this punishment (while already a big part of our family knows about the bet) as I am a bit ashamed, but if I don't do anything he'll see me doing it anyway. We never had much interactions with him so far but giving it a try at least.

[KelleyNice]

In any event, if worse comes to worse, it is what it is. And, since so many people already know perhaps, in that case, it would be best if everyone knows. However, if I was a bride, it would be my day and should be about me. I wouldn't want some other person or event usurping my day and getting the attention I should be getting. You might point that out to him and maybe ask your sister if she really wants the guest paying more attention to you than to her as the bride.

[Asker]

Yeah the thing is you don't know my sister; her best day would include me being uncomfortable somehow. And our feelings are mutual, we have always been in competition, just this time she happened to beat me. I really think that people knowing the real reason that I'm barefoot is much more humiliating for me, don't you think so? That's why I wanted to find another good excuse for it but looks like I'll not be able to do that. Anyway my only hopes seems to be talk to the groom and hope him to change my sister's mind, I'll try talking to him today or tomorrow.

[KelleyNice]

I'm not into your mind so for you maybe people knowing is more humiliating. I would rather people know so that they wouldn't be asking and I didn't feel obligated to explain why I'm barefoot. Also, family tradition or not, I wouldn't feel obligated to greet people and would let my parents do that. Instead, I would just take a seat where only a few people would see and stay their throughout the ceremony including the photos afterwards. After all, I'm not the one getting married so my presence is not required. In any event, if was in photos, I would crop any photos of me before allowing photos with me to be in the family album.

And, thank for the MH.

[Asker]

I got your point, yes not needing to explain is less humiliating but the reason why I am barefoot is very humiliating for me. It's a tradition the city I live to greet people at the entrance as whole family but I'll try to avoid it. But I also don't want to attract too much attention by it by never moving away from my table, my sister probably will not allow that but won't have much time for me too. As you suggested I should definitely find a way avoid the photos, not sure if I'd get the opportunity to crop them later. Today I spoke with the groom, he kindly told me that he would not want to get in between two sisters but he'll try to convince my sister not to do it. I don't have much hope to be honest but we'll see soon.

[Asker]

So the groom called and unfortunately my sister wouldn't let go of it, it was expected but I was still devastated as it was my last hope. He was very kind, told me that the place will be warm and they'll make sure that floor is clean, but after realizing that I'm about to cry he even offered that he may ask his sisters to do the same so I'll not be alone, if I want. I didn't say anything but it might really be much easier for me. What do you think? Should I really ask for it?

[KelleyNice]

Certainly if your sister was barefoot too, being the bride, she would get 80% of the attention meaning you would get far less attention. Regardless, if it must be, just plan on doing it. Since it is not normal, you have a phobia about being seen barefoot and going barefoot will help you minimize that phobia in the future.

[Asker]

Uhm no he's not gonna make the bride go barefoot (she'd never accept it lol) but his own sisters. At least he'll ask, if I ask him to. Yeah not sure if it'll be minimizing or maximizing my phobia but I'm planning on doing it that's why I asked this question in the first place🙈

[KelleyNice]

It helps if others are barefoot because you are not noticed if part of a crowd. If a really bad experience, it makes your phobia worse. Otherwise, it reduces it. It is like going nude on a clothing optional beach in a foreign country where almost all the girls and young women are nude. At first you are very self-conscious; but, after a couple of hours, you are okay and after 3 days, it is just what you do.

[Asker]

Unfortunately groom's sisters firmly refused to take off their shoes in the wedding so now it's certain that I'll be the only barefoot girl in the wedding. My sister found it really amusing that I talked with her fiance and made it a topic in every family gathering. She also told me that if she sees me not greeting any guest at the entrance she'd call me out for a dance or something and bring all the attention to me. Groom's sisters will also be greeting people (with shoes). So surely a lof of people will notice my bare feet and ask questions and I have no choice but to tell them that it's because I'm being punished. It's very embarrassing but at this point so many people know that looks like I don't have any other choice. All I can do that day is to avoid photos somehow so that it'll just be forgotten.