My boyfriend is smoking behind my back!

[Anonymous]

A few years before I knew him, he used to smoke a lot and then he quit. When we met he didn't smoke and for months he didn't smoke. Well the last couple of months I've noticed his car, room and bed smells like smoke, and whenever I leave his room my hair and clothing smell like smoke. Plus there's a lighter in his car now when there wasn't before. Unless there's some other person who smokes rolling around in his bed and room, I know he's smoking.

I haven't brought it up to him yet because I was in denial about it but I'm done ignoring this. I'm talking to him about it next time I see him. This is a very big deal to me (smoking gave my grandfather cancer and he died a very slow, painful death)

So how do I go about bringing this up to him? What do I do if he lies to me?

[TeAmo122008]

Just (calmly) ask him if he does smoke. If so, figure out why he felt the need to hide it from you. He should feel comfortable letting you know such things about himself... He may feel as though you would be turned off by it, knowing that you dislike it, but smoking is something that is very hard to quit. If he does, in fact, smoke, don't blow up on him, tell him you would like it if he would share these things about himself with you, instead of hiding them...let him know how you feel about the whole situation and that you only want what's best for him. If it's difficult for him, just stick by his side. Trying to help him... You can be upset for him omitting this, since like I said, he shouldn't hide things from you... but try not too be hard on him about this...

[bel42]

Try to show him your concern towards his behavior(smoking). If it bothers you so much , then break up with him.

[advicegiver]

Just confront him. Don't take any BS from him, confront him with all the same evidence you gave us. There's no way he'll be able to come up with excuses for all of those things. If he tries something like "you're imagining things," give him an ultimatum: tell the truth or break up. If he's worth your time AT ALL, he'll tell the truth.

[moloz]

He doesn't smoke with you around

You're trying to force him to do what YOU want

So far, not so good. Telling guys what do especially when it doesn't involve you is very, very bad.