Should I let my boyfriend smoke weed?

Question

Okay So I'm 15 and my boyfriends 16 we have been dating for a while now like 2 years and he had recently told me that he just started smoking weed and how it makes him feel good I as the girlfriend thought well oh um okay I don't want you to get addicted so please don't smoke anymore it would have been different if he has been doing it for a very long time but we also made a promise to each other to not smoke anything without telling the other person I had kind of find out myself it all started when I was on his phone and looking at picture of us he was aware of what I was doing but then I came across a picture of him staring at his camera and his eyes red so I got upset because it was a few days ago and I'm not stupid I knew he was stoned in that picture so I didn't say anything to him until one night I was sitting in my room On snapchat thinking about that picture so I text him asking if he has ever smoked weed before I started feeling bad for asking so I deleted it right when I woke up (he hadn't seen it yet) then later that day he came over and asked me what I deleted because on snapchat the other person can see if someone deleted something anyways I said Nothing don't worry about it then I just said actually neverminded.. have you ever smoked weed before? he ended up saying no the first time so he lied to me later that day we started watching movies and he picked this movie that was about weed later on in the movie He looks at me and says I actually need to tell you something I was thinking he was going to tell me "oh I'm cheating on you" or something like that but he said I actually have smoked weed before 5 time the past two weeks so in my head I'm like holy cow dude that's a lot of times to be smoking in the past two weeks I later found out it was actually a month of him not telling me I ended up getting angry because he lied to me and broke our promise I don't know if I'm in the wrong for being angry

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

I can understand your concerns, but your approach is more likely to motivate him to smoke more than less. When we feel criticized, we become resistant to change and less likely to take the feelings of the other person into consideration. I'm sure you've experienced being lectured and talked at. How did it feel for you?

Instead of attempting to control him, show curiosity and a willingness to be a supportive partner. Ask him what triggered the interest, what the results were and where he sees this pattern going. Find out how he feels it adds to his life, what he hopes to accomplish with the behavior, and what other options might accomplish the same purpose. Suggest the two of you research the subject together, sharing your thoughts and feelings in a non-judgmental way. Discuss the science of weed rather than focus on him and how he is making a mistake. Tell him it isn't your place to determine his choices, but you care about him and have concerns. Let him know you want whatever choices he makes to be in his long-term best interest.

The primary side effect of smoking weed is the reduction of motivation in all areas. People with great dreams choose procrastination over action. That's not a guaranty they'll be totally dysfunctional, but they'll probably see less accomplishment in their life than they would have without smoking weed. This is even more common when the smoking pattern starts at a young age, like your boyfriend.

Eeyore18 · Accepted Answer

It's normal to feel angry about this situation. Especially if he's been lying to you when you know the truth. Honestly, I smoke weed too. But, it's not really for the fun of it. I do it just to get away from the world for a little bit. If I'm going through something, I light one up and just let everything I've been hiding inside me come to the top. I don't know what he's been doing it for but if you really want him to stop, y'all need to talk about it and more specifically, why he's doing it. I only smoke once every 6 months or so, just so I don't get addicted to it. Sure, I'd like to be a stoner but my parents would notice sooooo quickly 😂

Just talk to him and see what's going on. I honestly could've just said that but why not give a little story too

KaylaRae8913 · Accepted Answer

You can’t really tell him to do anything cause either way he’s still gonna smoke, and you saying no is only gonna make him wanna do it more. He won’t get addicted, it’s not like coke or anything where you go through withdraws without it. Some people just like how they feel on it, it relaxes them and makes everything feel okay for like an hour or two. Soon he’ll have a bad high or smoke too much and trip out a little and it’ll probably scare him and make him wanna stop. But, if he doesn’t wanna that’s not something you can really control. If it bothers you a lot just say something like, “hey I know I can’t stop you from doing what you want but, if you’re gonna continue to smoke I’d really appreciate if you didn’t/weren’t high around me because it makes me feel uncomfortable and you seem different when you’re high.” But, from someone who smoked weed all through high school, you don’t gotta worry about his grades or anything he’ll be fine. Just relax and tell him how you feel and state that in no way that you’re trying to start an argument and he’ll either respect your feelings or he won’t.

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

Stay away from him if he doesn't want to listen to you. It's illegal and he's too young to be making those decisions. He will sadly influence you and then you stuck in an addiction. You need to tell him that if he smokes, your not staying with him. Maybe be a friend, but you're not dating a weed smoker. If your parents wouldn't want you with that, then why date him? He sounds like he needs help and he is suffering something serious and things weed will help him. It won't. Because he already has a problem mentally that needs to be addressed by a professional.

blueRRmoon · Answer

You’re 15... and you guys are already having dating issues revolving around drug use? No comment... but it’s the fact that he lied. You can’t control him, but you can control what you have to put up with. Too many issues at the starting point. Just walk away from the disrespect. He’s a prepubescent bum (starting early) and most men won’t be willing to mature until at least 25. Find someone to grow with, not someone you feel like you have to babysit. You’re still a baby yourself. You’ll thank yourself for it later. Also, where’s your parents? 🧐

iseekpinetrees · Answer

You can't possibly "let him smoke". He makes his own decisions and you have no control over his actions. But you do have control over your own life. Obviously him smoking conflicts with you. So what you need to decide is if thats what you want to be around. Him lying is pretty shitty but you live and you learn when your young.

When I was younger I dated people who smoked though I don't smoke. My only rule was never do it infront of me. Once they broke that I pretty much lost all interest in them.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

This is a really big lesson for you I think. All your relationships are going to have this problem in one way or another. Not necessarily about weed. But about a life decision that you don't like/understand and maybe worries you.

You need to decide how you feel about it, why and how you observe it to be effecting your ability to have a relationship with eachother.

This is a very good time for you to really think deeply about what you want in a man... At their core

slatyb · Answer

Let him? How would you stop him? You can tell him you don't like it, and of course it's illegal.

pleasestopthis · Answer

It's not up to you to let him smoke. That's his decision, or to be more exact, his parents', because he's underage.
You can talk to him about it if it's such a big deal, and break up if he doesn't want to stop smoking.

GAGSucksBalls1 · Answer

Not only should he not be You two are too young to be dating

GOOSEBOY78 · Answer

tell his parents. he isn't allowed to smoke weed. doesn't matter what he tells you. or how long has been doing it.

wittymilf · Answer

I don’t think you get to ‘let’ him do anything

flashgrandad · Answer

Every right to be angry. Starts with smoking weed then gets worse.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

No, you should not. Make him quit. Put your foot down. (But explain to him why.)

Avicenna · Answer

You should tell him not to

msc545 · Answer

Do you actually control what he puts in his body?

Koray06 · Answer

nooooo

Joe1956 · Answer

thats for him to decide

Iron_Man · Answer

Oh no way

Should I let my boyfriend smoke weed?

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