Should I let my boyfriend smoke weed?

Hi, I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 18. When we first started dating I knew he smoked weed. Where I live we aren't really taught what happens when u r high and how it affects u. I have tried to research it but everything I look up I feel is opinion based. I am aware that a state or two Js legalized it though. Please note I do feel terrible for making him chose me or weed but also please understand why I made him. On Halloween I was out of town so he went to a party by himself. After the party him and a couple friends went to his house (Girls and guys). He told me nothing was going to happen (no drinking or smoking). I then find a lighter in his basement a couple weeks later and made him confess. When he's high he ignores me and what not as well. I made him chose me or thag bc he lied about it and in our relationship we don't keep secrets. I did though at the start of December say he can have a few drinks with friends just hanging out and that he can go to parties when he gets to collage. He said though he would rather smoke then drink. He says smoking has a better affect and it's not harmful. He also says it doesn't make you do stupid stuff it just relaxes you. He brings it up once in a while and so today I decided I'll really think about. Please realize I made him promise not to do this in the spur of the moment as well. I feel like when he smokes I feel like he hides stuff from me and what not. So like I said please no hate. I don't know much about weed. I want to only do what's best for our relationship bc I love him a lot. If you guys also have had smoke weed before please tell me how you felt and what not as well.! I'd love to know! Please again just no hate I did what I think was best and now I'm finally open to hear/read other people's opinions on what I should do. Please note that breaking up isn't a option bc I do honestly love him. Thank you so much for your time and I hope you have a great day! Ps. He only smokes it he says a couple times a year!

  • Let him smoke
    Vote A
  • Don't let him smoke
    Vote B
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What Guys Said 1

  • i have done many stupid things on drink but only good times when i smoked weed. i do neither nowadays and he may grow out of it too but it may take a while. the question is really, can you live with it and if not then you need to let him go and find a guy that fits your criteria

    • I can live with it.

    • then dont try and order him to stop or he will resent you, just talk to him and if he says it just chills him out then trust him because thats all it ever did for me

What Girls Said 2

  • Honestly, I don't think you should force him to quit. However, you need to set boundaries, and those boundaries should be respected. I am the 'sober' one in my relationship, so I do understand how you feel.

    If he is only smoking a couple of times a year, I do not see a very large problem. He must be, what my boyfriend calls them, a weekend smoker. However, if he is out with friends, and they do smoke as well, it's very likely he might smoke as well..

    • What kind of boundaries should I set?

    • I believe those boundaries matter on you. How do you feel about the whole thing? Does the smell bother you? Would you like him to take the smoking outside, in another room, or would you like it if he didn't do it at all when you are around?

      When my boyfriend is smoking, I ask him not to blow the smoke in my direction, not to hot box while I am in the car, and don't allow his friends to pressure me to take a hit.

  • That's his choice, not yours.