How do I deal with people only being FAKE nice to me?

[TenderFantasy]

Either because they are getting paid for it...

Either that or if they REALLY don't care about me, they would downright IGNORE me and be rude!

I bet if the shoe were on the other foot, they wouldn't like that and they would be hurt!

Going on almost 40 years of life, this is what I have learned about people, especially offline!..

People only being nice to you when they want something, or they think it will benefit them somehow. How CRUEL!

[Effably]

Cut them out when able. I think reality is that we're all being fake nice most of the time. Not because we want to fake anything but because if you can have me be fake nice to you or rude towards you, in most settings insincere pleasantries are better.

I'd never expect anyone working for or with me to genuinely care about me. I expect them to like or dislike me in the capacity of me being a client, customer, partner and so on. As long as that baseline understanding is present there is no real fake emotions. Just practical platitudes and some social norms.

If everyone is only faking it? First of course, meet more and new people. If that still does not work? The common denominator is you. Figure out what it is that stops things from being actually sincere. When it happens. So on. Not enough for us to go on here to help you decipher that.

[serious]

Don't deal with them. Such people should not be a part of your life. Simple.

[TenderFantasy]

What if it's your boss? or ex?

[serious]

Well, if it is in your work life then yes you have to deal with such people, in that case what I can suggest just be indifferent in your behavior with such people. I mean just keep it to the point, keep it brief and otherwise don't talk to them.

If it is your ex, then it is your personal and you can easily ignore and avoid your ex whenever you can and whenever you want. Simple.

[TenderFantasy]

Thanks, that was helpful!

[serious]

Thanks for the MHO

[Jennz6]

I’m not sure what I would do

[Jennz6]

Thank you 🙏 sweetie for selecting me as your MHO girl 🥰

[DenizLikesTennis]

This is a hard one. It seems that we develop such a pattern after a string of disappointments in life. As you are 38 years old now. So my best bet would be to keep aloof and interact less with them. But you should... because if you start ignoring everybody, it'll get worse and you start to believe that no one is worthy. Thus you'll miss great people. And they do exist. Just like Cruel Buttholes. I know that it is pointless to talk about this... the other guy is fake nice... the other person is genuinely nice... he is cruel... she is sweet etc.

Thats just how it is. People should never been taken so seriously when it comes to this

As best as I can help, I'd have said interact with them but keep them at an arms length.

[SnowedIn]

Your central question is "How do I deal with people only being FAKE nice to me?" The answer to that is by carefully observing. You know the ones who are fake versus the ones who are real -- if you didn't, you couldn't have asked the question. And you deal with them by not including them in your life. That said, if literally everyone is fake to you then one of two things is the case: your definition of fake is off/you can't tell correctly or there's something about you that's causing it.

[Kryzo]

Well humans are social creatures. They wouldn't do something unless it benefits them somehow. Even you are the same.

[TenderFantasy]

True, but there had been times I was pretty selfless too, but then I just ended up being taken advantaged of sadly. I don't think I am going to allow that sh*t in my life anymore, as much as I can help it!

[TenderFantasy]

Like it was inconvenient for me and I didn't really WANT to do it but I did it out of because I cared about them type of thing.

[Kryzo]

Well why were you selfless? Most likely to lift your own ego. There are always reasons behind it.

[Kryzo]

Right so you wanted them to feel cared for and that would lift your own ego.

[TenderFantasy]

Yeah, but it also benefited THEM do you know what I mean? I could have been meaner/more selfish yes, but I mean I did it (I am talking about my ex and me taking him to the E. R. those many months ago and being traumatized with what I saw! Even though his condition wasn't even life threatening. He was just being dumb! He could have gone to his doctor for that stuff). I did it BECAUSE I wanted him to feel cared for and to appreciate the things I was doing it for, NOT to stroke my ego, so I don't think you understood that really. But okay, maybe you're right, I did in the hopes that I could make the relationship last, that's true.

[Kryzo]

There's always a gain in it to you. Trust me. Even if you are not consciously aware of it. Like for example, imagine you're friends with a guy, there will always be the potential for sex, at least in his subconscious when dealing with you in 99% of the cases or some other gain.

[TenderFantasy]

Yes, but if you can realize it from MY perspective, MY type of selflessness actually benefits the other party. Some people I've dealt with in my life, their selfishness actually HURTS me!.. And the sad part is they don't care. I cannot control other people's actions, that is true. I just want to be able to deal with this hard life in a better, more sane way, than what I've been doing if you understand me.

People who have been mean to me or aloof or judgmental, they've put me in some sort of BOX that I didn't want to be in in the first place.

[Summeroflove]

I just only interact with them when I have to

[Loser94]

I figured that out at 25

[Danny_dan92]

Don’t talk to them

[Debbie14217]

ignore them

[Gabriel-Chicanito]

Ignore'm.