Why do I always get hurt by "nice people"?

[Anonymous]

I don't know why but I have this pattern where I would meet someone who just "seems sooo nice". I would immediately want to be around them all the time, have the biggest respect for them, or even kinda form a little bit of feelings. But then usually after about a month or so, I find out that they're not as nice as I thought they were. They would do things like always texting back late, always canceling plans last minute, not value our time together. I met one dude who was a straight up perverted, entitled hypocrite who was secretly selfish. Another one forgot about me once she met her boyfriend. I gave her a Christmas present while she got me nothing. She even wrapped her boyfriend's Christmas present right in front of my face, while telling me she didn't have the money to gift me anything.

I don't know why but... the meaner people in my life haven't hurt me nearly as much as the "nice people" in my life.

Its just crazy how such lovely people can hurt others so much. I would never have imagined that they would turn out like this.

[OneViewpoint]

Because you can't tell the difference between good men and "nice guys". I'll try and give you a quick primer...

• Nice guys: Are insecure and need people to like them. So they tell people whatever they think a given person wants to hear. They do this to everyone, men and women. But nice guys are also cowards. They will never tell you the truth if they think it will compromise them in some way. So they lie hoping that will avoid confrontation and keep you liking them. But nice guys are also weasels. Once they get whatever they wanted from you, they aren't so nice any more. The nice guy act gets dropped fast. Unless they're scared to death of you. I don't tolerate nice guys. I don't want them as friends. They're phony. They're useless. They're annoying.
• Good men: Are secure enough in themselves to tell you what you need to hear rather than what you want to hear. They don't need to keep you around more than they need to tell you the truth. They won't lie to get what they want or prevent you from getting angry with them. Good men aren't afraid of a little confrontation. And they won't suddenly change personalities after they get what they want. Chances are they gave you what you want too. Good men are serious. They make good friends. They'll tell you the truth, whether you want to hear it or not. Consequences be damned.

So now the question is pointed at you. What's your part in picking nice guys constantly? Do you like nice guys who tell you what you want to hear? Do you seek out those sort of men? Or are you seeking out the sort of man who will tell you what he thinks even when he knows you're not gonna like it?

[Asker]

some examples of the "nice guys" I have met in the past

A man whore to hates on sluts is not a nice guy.

A man who claims to "love" a woman but is extremely low effort and demands to meet only whenever it is convenient for his schedule, but not convenient for her, is not actually a nice guy.

Someone who frequently cancels plans last minute, half an hour before meeting up, is not a nice person.

A 40 yr old single dad who only wants young beautiful girls in their 20s to date him is not a nice guy. Any decent person would want to give young people a chance to create their own families rather than to have them become a stepparent to raise someone else's kids at such a young age.

[Asker]

I recently met another "nice guy". We met on a dating app, I asked for an friends with benefits relationship because I simply didn't have enough time to date. He agreed. As we cuddled, I really grew insanely attached to him and I started wanting more than just an friends with benefits. At first it began off great, then he started giving me literal bare minimum effort when replying to texts. His text messages sounded like he didn't actually want to talk to me. He made no effort to maintiing a converation. I felt like I was talking to myself.

But He played along with me, because he knew that if he told me that he didn't return the feelings, then I would potentially dump him as an friends with benefits.

So he played along for about another month until one day, I've just had enough. So I asked him "where can I meet firemen / cops? I've always wanted to get with one"

He seemed shocked that I asked. It wasn't a shock to me because I knew 100% he wasn't interested in me one bit at all. Despite him saying that he did "love me" all along.

So he ended up lying to me, scheduling to meet up with me but never showing up.

Definitely not a nice guy. If you're not interested in a girl, please don't lead her on.

[Asker]

Besides the low effort bare minimum texts, he also canceled plans last minute for the LAMEST reasons. We met only once a week. Once, he canceled a meetup because he was tired from working out at the gym 4 hours straight. Another time, he ended our meetup super early because he had to go to the gym (he had the entire morning, afternoon and evening to go to the gym, by the way). He only wanted to meet up whenever it was convenient for him, he doesn't care if its inconvenient for me.

[Asker]

I thought he was a nice guy because he was sooo considerate of others. Held open the door for others, when he saw a man carrying heavy things- he swooped into help. And his overall demeanor just gave the impression that he was a nice person.

[OneViewpoint]

Yeah the trouble is they are doing that stuff to get other people to like them. Not because it’s their nature. But eventually they reveal who they really are.

[Finchie40]

Because you are allowing yourself to be vulnerable to men that are just after one thing. Unfortunately females’ do this to guys’ as well , so it’s a chance we take until we eventually find a good one

[Asker]

i do fwbs. i don't care if they're just after sex. but the fact is... way too many men are dishonest

[Asker]

plenty of men would fake a whole relationship just for sex.

its sickening

[Finchie40]

Why it’s best to only be FWB’s with some strings attached , meaning the 2 of you only have sex with each other and no one else , you both can date other people of you choose to , but if one of you sleeps with someone else , then you end the benefits part and just remain friends’ This has been what I been doing when meeting a new girl , to give her and I time to really
Get to know each other before making a final decision to be together fully or just remain friends’ it pretty
Much eliminates heart break

[Asker]

recently met another "nice guy". We met on a dating app, I asked for an friends with benefits relationship because I simply didn't have enough time to date. He agreed. As we cuddled, I really grew insanely attached to him and I started wanting more than just an friends with benefits. At first it began off great, then he started giving me literal bare minimum effort when replying to texts. His text messages sounded like he didn't actually want to talk to me. He made no effort to maintiing a converation. I felt like I was talking to myself.

But He played along with me, because he knew that if he told me that he didn't return the feelings, then I would potentially dump him as an friends with benefits.

So he played along for about another month until one day, I've just had enough. So I asked him "where can I meet firemen / cops? I've always wanted to get with one"

He seemed shocked that I asked. It wasn't a shock to me because I knew 100% he wasn't interested in me one bit at all. Despite him saying that he did "love me" all along.

So he ended up lying to me, scheduling to meet up with me but never showing up.

[Asker]

Besides the low effort bare minimum texts, he also canceled plans last minute for the LAMEST reasons. We met only once a week. Once, he canceled a meetup because he was tired from working out at the gym 4 hours straight. Another time, he ended our meetup super early because he had to go to the gym (he had the entire morning, afternoon and evening to go to the gym, by the way). He only wanted to meet up whenever it was convenient for him, he doesn't care if its inconvenient for me.

[Finchie40]

It sounds like he was already involved with someone else and using you as a side piece. Word of advice , only get serious with a guy that makes you his top priority that wants to see you and talk to you as much as possible , if he is a little
Clingy , don’t look at it as a bad thing , it’s actually a good thing because he only wants you. So that’s a guy you should consider being FWB’s with and more than likely it will turn to more

[Asker]

@finchie40

no. he is not involved with anyone else. I got atttached toward him, he probably wasn't attached to me. He pretended to be attached to me and love me, just becuase he was afraid of losing me as an friends with benefits.
So he sent me good morning texts every morning. But overall, I felt like I was talking to myself whenever I texted him. Eventually I just got sick of it. I felt like I wasn't his priority. I felt like he didn't care at all. He always came to our cuddle meetups , all sweaty, sticky, just out of the gym. He would cancel last minute due to the lamest reasons.

Eventually I just asked him "where can I meet fireman/cops?" He was shocked. He replied "?"

I said "I've always wanted to get with one".

He asked "why are you asking me this?"

I said " well you said you knew a lot of cops in your family so maybe you could help me find someone"

Then he scheduled to meet up with me and never showed up.

I didn't feel bad asking him that because all through out the month we texted almost daily, he put in no effort, bare minimum effort in texting. I felt like I was talking to myself. He has proven he doesn't value our time together.

Now he won't talk to me.

[Finchie40]

Then you did the right thing , just move on and find yourself a guy that makes you his priority the same way you do for him

[Nikki1989]

You fell for the #1 thing in the male playbook. The majority of men will either say what they believe the woman wants to hear or at least participate in the ruse. However, the charade eventually reaches its conclusion, and the men quickly become the despicable individuals they are.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the "nice people" conundrum, right? 🌟 Those so-called angels often end up being wolves in sheep's clothing. It's tricky, because when someone seems nice, you let your guard down. But their true colors often come out later, like a plot twist in a romance novel. 🎭 You've encountered people who were lovebombing you with kindness initially, only to show their real intentions after you've let your guard down. It's essential to keep an eye out for red flags early on. Trust your instincts and always remember: it's not about you, it's about them. 💪 Just keep navigating the sea of relationships with an open heart but a cautious mind! ❤️

[LiamJHayden]

There are nice people who are genuinely kind, and "nice people" who pretend to be nice to manipulate others. You can often tell by observing the person when he or she does not realize you are watching.

[Asker]

Not really. I find that you find out whether someone is truly nice or not when you take a look at their actions and inner thought processes.

A man whore to hates on sluts is not a nice guy.

A man who claims to "love" a woman but is extremely low effort and demands to meet only whenever it is convenient for his schedule, but not convenient for her, is not actually a nice guy.

Someone who frequently cancels plans last minute, half an hour before meeting up, is not a nice person.

A 40 yr old single dad who only wants young beautiful girls in their 20s to date him is not a nice guy. Any decent person would want to give young people a chance to create their own families rather than to have them become a stepparent to raise someone else's kids at such a young age.

These are all literally real life examples of these so called "nice people"

[Asker]

I recently met another "nice guy". We met on a dating app, I asked for an friends with benefits relationship because I simply didn't have enough time to date. He agreed. As we cuddled, I really grew insanely attached to him and I started wanting more than just an friends with benefits. At first it began off great, then he started giving me literal bare minimum effort when replying to texts. His text messages sounded like he didn't actually want to talk to me. He made no effort to maintiing a converation. I felt like I was talking to myself.

But He played along with me, because he knew that if he told me that he didn't return the feelings, then I would potentially dump him as an friends with benefits.

So he played along for about another month until one day, I've just had enough. So I asked him "where can I meet firemen / cops? I've always wanted to get with one"

He seemed shocked that I asked. It wasn't a shock to me because I knew 100% he wasn't interested in me one bit at all. Despite him saying that he did "love me" all along.

So he ended up lying to me, scheduling to meet up with me but never showing up.

Definitely not a nice guy. If you're not interested in a girl, please don't lead her on.

[Asker]

Besides the low effort bare minimum texts, he also canceled plans last minute for the LAMEST reasons. We met only once a week. Once, he canceled a meetup because he was tired from working out at the gym 4 hours straight. Another time, he ended our meetup super early because he had to go to the gym (he had the entire morning, afternoon and evening to go to the gym, by the way). He only wanted to meet up whenever it was convenient for him, he doesn't care if its inconvenient for me.

[BarryLiverstone]

People are people. They can be nice at times and “mean” at other times. If you rely on them to stay consistently as nice as the first week you met them then that’s on you. You must form firmer boundaries and take longer to learn to trust strangers.

[Asker]

nice people don't hurt others to that extent

[Asker]

fact is... they're not truly nice people. Better at acting nice than actually being nice

[BarryLiverstone]

“Nice” people actually tend to hurt others more due to their dishonesty or lack of common sense. Again usually the socially acceptable pattern is to be nicer when meeting someone new but after a time period the persons character is revealed.

[mrshooiser]

@BarryLiverstone does that mean me also?

[BarryLiverstone]

Mrs, you are a new gag member. I couldn’t guess what your character is.

[mrshooiser]

You know what it is already after 2 years of being friends.

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s impossible. Unless you have broken gag rules, you haven’t been here 2 years

[mrshooiser]

You have known me for 2 years. But I took a break to heal mentally and now im back.

[BarryLiverstone]

If you took time to heal I pray that effort was a positive one

[mrshooiser]

It was positive. Im doing a lot more better.

[Anonymous]

Be patient. Eventually you'll find somebody worth you.

[Anonymous]

Modern times bring out the worst in people, even when they seem to be "nice".

[mrshooiser]

The world may never know. But its sad..