How do you get over periods of hopelessness?

Question

Sometimes I start feeling depressed and really it’s about silly things.

Sometimes I feel a bit lonely because I have no good friends.

I have a lot of aspirations career wise and sometimes there’s bumps in the roads…and they’re a bit hard. Like for instance going through a time of unemployment.

Then at the bottom of the list there’s relationships and sometimes I think about the ones I have been in and just how shit I feel about all my exes. And whether I’ll ever be in a happy relationship.

What do you do when you feel this way?

RealMarek · Accepted Answer

I’ve gone through times like that. When I was young I didn’t usually have many friends. Later in life I had a marriage with an abusive woman, divorced, and then my career in my chosen profession was ruined, my fortune lost. I saw similar things happen to others. It happens. One thing that I’ve learned that helps is to keep in mind that whatever is very painful for you or disturbing to you now will probably not be so troublesome in four or five years. A lot happens in life, especially when you are young. Try to keep that long term perspective in mind. Also, for you specifically, please know that the men you have written about here were not worthy of you. You deserve far better.

I’ve also learned that there is little fulfillment in a career for most people. The MBA/managerial types who run everything now have no loyalty to the workers who make the executives rich. Keep the job in perspective. Ambition is good but it can all be taken away suddenly. This is probably more true in the US than the UK though.

Finally, when I was feeling depressed or hopeless I found taking walks, taking baths, doing art work, going to the beach or to wilderness, or just looking at the stars helped me a lot. Treat yourself well and try to find the beauty in little things. Eventually, I found that I needed very little even when I was losing almost everything. Finding contentment and serenity simply by being is a powerful thing.

DJB72 · Accepted Answer

Churchill said it best, but it's a bit brutal:

"When you're going through hell, keep going."

He was right. 23rd Psalm says about walking through the valley of the shadow of death, not setting up home there.

Here's a few tips I tell my clients:

Find one or two friends you can trust absolutely to talk to and support you. Real life stuff, not virtual.

Unplug for three days. 72 consecutive hours where you don't use any form of internet including netflix etc.

Get into nature. Take a walk in a wood. Sit in a park. Surround yourself with something green and alive.

Invest in some plants for your areas you spend most time - bedroom, sitting room, kitchen (herbs are great here), office/cubicle/desk, bathroom. Make them easy to sustain and oxygen producers - snake plant is great for a bedroom as they give off oxygen at night, spider plants great for bathrooms, small succulent for your desk

Don't underestimate having a pet guinea pig and a rabbit. Yes, both in the same hutch. Unless you want lots of baby guinea pigs and rabbits.

Remember you can't herd cats. Stop trying.

If all else fails, have a cup of tea. In fact, have one anyway.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I thought you felt invincible in your mytake so take your own advice

Massageman · Answer

I think about our dog we recently lost to old age diseases. I know that sounds counterproductive, but for me, somehow, God lets it help me through the day! I work at a weekly Food Pantry at our church to give help to 40-50 families each week. That helps too.

I have been on the "official unemployment" list 4-5 times. (I honestly forget without checking a list). In the big scenario, I have a BS on Communications and Graphic Arts: an MBA, with a major and a double minor: a diploma and certification as a Massage Therapist. I've worked in each area for 51 years, 32 years and 31 years, respectively. And, each DOES "crossover" to help in the other., BION. I handle all of the graphics for my/my wife's ads, business cards, certificates, etc. , all of the bookkeeping for my business and my wife's (she's a counselor). In between "official" jobs for employers, have I free-lanced in art, designing logos before there were "apps" to help give generic substitutes. I've coached people in business and massage, in addition to being a teacher in both business and health science. And when things were really tight, I even engraved badges to sell to different groups who couldn't afford big fancy engraving studio to do their work, and gave them overnight service to boot!

Also, read what DJB72 has posted. We happen to have a spider plant that has started having babies faster than the rabbits. My wife pots them up and gives them to others. For free. No money. We buy the pots and the planting mix. Helping lift the spirits of others will help lift feelings of hopelessness for YOURself, too. Now, let's ALL go for a spot of tea.

Anonymous · Answer

I read and hide in books. I imerse myself in a story to hide from reality that sucks. I like you have those moments of hopelessness, depression and such. Sadly it's more like I live with that and get moments of enjoyment. And also have no really good friends anymore I used to have 1.
Datinf. id non existent. I talk to people online a few messages or a few days and then get ghosted. I've never been on a date or anything like that.

Also have my parents on my back about dating. Till I was 16 it was have you met anyone so you like anyone, then it was 2-3 years going on about how being gay is fine and I can tell them. Then 2-3 of that plus you can be happy and alone as such. And they want me to invite a plus 1 to my sister's wedding or to help move out sooner I should meet someone.

Makes me feel so good about myself. They just involve themselves and do more damage then good. For no reason there is no need for them to try and involve themself.

So if you need someone to talk to I'm happy to try and help.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

On the road of life sometimes we hit bumps, traffic lights & so much more & better days will come my friend. In life some people have a lot on their plate & some people have a buffet & better days will come my friend. As for you turn your frown upside down & if you need a friend just like the song goes you’ve got a friend in me.

JDtheman19 · Answer

You have to remember that you only have one life obviously not the best start but distractions are always a key thing for me like video games or looking at funny videos or hobbies something to look forward to something that at least brings a little joy (enjoy the little things in life)

Summeroflove · Answer

Therapy I get it sucks I feel that way too sometimes. Many Times I focus on the good moments when I’m happy and just think. I will have a good day again  Like today I had a good day

barn_stormer · Answer

I never feel hopeless like that. i made good choices in life.

RandomGuy1030 · Answer

You stop giving those feelings credibility. We all get negative feelings sometimes. The key is to doubt their relevance

Andres77 · Answer

Focus on my agenda.

AnUglyBarnacle · Answer

Talking with Grandma helps me.

How do you get over periods of hopelessness?

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