How can I cope with feeling defeated and stuck in depression?

[Anonymous]

I am often able to try to see the positive side of things and managing to be the life of the party; but right now I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom with depression. I’m still showering and going out, but I feel defeated by life.

I keep meeting horrible men who want to use me, I have no money to go anywhere, I’m having trouble finding employment and I’m living in a small space with my parents, where my dad is always home, taking over the tv, really loud in a small space, playing depressing tv shows, the same stuff, all day, every day. People getting shot. Detective shows.

Sometimes I worry that I’ll never move out, find a job, get married or find my place in the world. That I’ll never have any money or any fun or any relief from my anguish. I’m not suicidal. I just feel defeated. I can’t see things getting any better, ever. Even though I try.

[rosemilk]

one thing at a time here. you do not need to constantly try to see the positive side or be the life of the party. life is full of ups and downs. no need to always see the ups because without the negatives there are no positives. you can't just leave the negatives out of this, as that is where you can grow and appreciate things when they are good. and right now, you are here. so you can choose to move forward from this and dig yourself out of this whole day by day, or continue to sink. and i don't want you to continue to sink, as that's no way to live your life. and i know you want to change it, you just need a little push to get the momentum going.

first step, forget the dating right now. you are not in a mentally well place to be dating right now. next, start looking for jobs, even more so than you already are, so you can get money and move into your own place or with a roommate or a friend. see where you can improve your skills for a job. i'm not sure of your social situation, but if you have any, maybe ask your friends if they have any job openings at their work. the whole job market is freaking awful at the moment, this part is not your fault at all.

as for the home situation, be outside as much as possible. libraries are free. you can work on your skills there. go outside for a walk, exercise, also free. when you have to be home, put on headphones, listen to your own tv shows, listen to audiobooks.

then once you finally get yourself all set and dug out of this, you can start looking at dating again and finding someone who fits the same life goals as you have. but for right now, you are overwhelming yourself with all of the things you feel like you should have right now. everyones timeline looks different, please don't compare yourself to anyone as there is no point and it will just make you feel even worse about yourself when you don't even have to.

things eventually fall into place

[PolarPoint]

I think you need to take a break from your life for a while and go through a more relaxed period. It might take up to a year for you to truly rest. Try learning to play the guitar. I feel like my pain just drifts away along with the music when I play. Listen yourself. Love yourself. Heal yourself. You could come to Turkey for a while and rent a place here. The exchange rate difference is huge, so you could live here for a year for what you’d spend on just a one-month vacation in the U. S. I wouldn’t recommend you going to Istanbul you need somewhere more relaxing. I’d suggest Antalya; it’s both fun and full of nature and history. My country very likes foreingns I know They love you more than they love themselves. I ask chat gpt How much costs its. He said Living in Antalya in a high-end apartment while frequently eating out would cost about $16,000 per year. This is only house + Food I think thats great choice. As I said you need to take a break

[PolarPoint]

Thank you for MHO

[Master_Debator]

You sound like me. Not suicidal... just fucking defeated.

Well for me... I'm just accepting it. I'm a loser. At this point I just try to focus on how to make my loser life a little easier on myself. Maybe the idea of going out has some juice, but is the juice worth the squeeze?

Look at it this way... at least we're not getting picked on like some High School kid with bullies. Nobody gives a shit about us, and maybe that's actually a good thing.

Like I'm old, had jobs, married for like 20 years already... none of that shit really does shit... you're not missing out and in fact, you should start to see the blessing that you're not dealing with that bullshit that doesn't do shit for you in the long run.

Hope some of that makes some sort of sense to you... Just find happiness where you're at with the things your going through. You're not alone... that's just how things are right now for a lot of us.

[In_Trance]

You don't need help coping, you're already doing that.
Start focusing on changes

[aaron13547]

For me it was about becoming the light in the dark. I changed the way I thought about things. Like it sounds like you dont like being home, i didn't either. I used that as my fuel to want to go to work. Next, I found a job I enjoyed. It wasn't a good one, but i enjoyed the work I did and the people I worked with. Those people became my family more so then my parents. I moved out for the first time and roommates with one of these people... so on and so on. it builds on itself. I dont know how exactly to explain it. find something you are grateful for and focus on building that. You have to change your view from what you dont have into what you do have. Babysteps!

You got this!

[genericname85]

so what i'd do if i was in your situation was: work at my feeling of self worth and confidence. like start setting goals to work to and through praciticing that regularly you automatically get a sense of accomplishment and self-efficacy that may make you less attractive to men with abusive tendencies and will most likely also help you with finding a job. also just as a side quest, i'd do some work positively framing the life that you already have right now cause i'm sure lots of things can be better but also a bunch of things could be worse. having a more positive outlook will help a lot. it doesn't mean you have to ignore the things that aren't so good. just don't let them drag you down.

[RingOfFire]

Life has ups and downs, happy phases and depressing ones. A lot of what happens is up to you and you have more ability to change things than you seem to think. If you depend on other people for your happiness, and blame them for your predicament you leave yourself vulnerable to feelings like this. You have to take the bull by the horns and change things in your own life to get out of the funk. You are probably much more capable of doing that than you think. It is more a matter of mindset than circumstances.

[live2dance25]

What part of the world are you in? Perhaps find a book club, church group, craft space, or jogging club to get your mind off things for a bit. That might help get you out of a rut and focus on getting better. Best of luck to you.

[ShadyPants]

I don't understand how women can't tell the difference between good and bad men.

[Asker]

I’m avoiding the bad men now. I just wish I was running into more good ones.

[ShadyPants]

Define a good man.

[Asker]

Someone who’s faithful, honest and committed. Who supports you through thick and thin.

[msc545]

It sounds like you're feeling really sad and down and depressed. Are you getting any physical exercise at all?

[Asker]

Yes, I have been and yes. I’m taking fifteen minute walks, three days a week and going out a few times a month.

I plan on joining a church group, close to home and a choir group, as well. I already have an autistic social group and a tafe class and lots of friends, but that’s not made enough of a difference so far.

[Anonymous]

Can you get a better job? Also, don’t focus on meeting guys. Focus on living a good life for yourself.

[Staximus]

Try harder.

[msc545]

Congratulations! You've just gotten the least helpful response award.