Is it fair to get in trouble for punching a bully (after giving 3 warnings)?

[Anonymous]

I only had one bully in 10th grade. Both me and the other girl got suspended for 3 days. All I did was hit back once, giving her a busted, swollen lip. Yeah, I drew a bit of blood.

Prior to that I had given her 3 warning to stop because she won't like my response. First I get slapped once, then shoved twice towards the wall with an ''what you gonna do about it''. After the 3rd time was my reply, which ended the fight quickly.

Is it really fair to get suspended for punching a bully, for ending a fight you never wanted?

[MrOracle]

Do you think schools are FAIR, especially in this regard? HA!

I got bullied in school from 5th-8th grade, and nothing ever happened to my bullies. Finally, half way through 8th grade, I decided I didn't care anymore. I *KNEW* that if I fought back, I'd get in trouble, because I'd seen it happen, but I just didn't care. I beat the shit out of 3 of 4 bullies and the 4th one I only got a few hits in before teachers broke things up. I got several rounds of "on-campus suspension" where we had to sit in a classroom silently at our desks all day - no books or schoolwork or anything, just sitting.

But guess what? I was never bullied again.

Take the punishment, even though it's unfair, and know that in the greater scheme of things, fighting back was the right thing to do. And keep in mind WHO runs the schools politically - it's the same people who are letting violent criminals out of jail years early by the tens of thousands, so they can rob and rape and steal and destroy, and in most cases, you can do nothing. Remember that when you vote, and maybe, if you help enough other people see how things are going, you might be able to make a change.

[Asker]

Yeah just like you, the girl never bothered me again. Nope, we didn't become friends. We just avoided each other. Her not ever messing with me again was enough for me.
Had I done nothing after getting assaulted 3 times (I gave her 2 freebies, that was even nice of me... she had those chances to back off; once she went for the 3rd one was game over for me) and just reported it to the principal's office, I would've likely still gotten bullied, probably even ridiculed by others for being afraid of her.

[MrOracle]

Yes, once people realize that you will defend yourself, most people will leave you alone.

[MementoMori777]

No it's not fair but you'll get in trouble, it happens

[Asker]

yet if you do nothing but report it to the principal's office, they just get slap on the wrist and nothing happens. It solves nothing.

[MementoMori777]

I know, but the good thing is that life starts after school, all of that won't even matter, you focus on what's important, your education, I'm glad you stuck up for yourself, hopefully there's no next time but if there is I hope it doesn't resolve to violence and you won't get in trouble.

[Asker]

Thank you. I try to live a peaceful life, low profile. That's the only fight I've ever gotten. I also hope there isn't another next time. I do know some self-defense (enough to disable someone) but will only fight if someone is threatening me or is coming after me and I can't exit.

[MementoMori777]

That's how it should be

[Adaeva]

It is fair because they know you hit her. However, they don't know what you said prior to hitting her. It was your word against hers. Also, it is a minor penalty that didn't harm you.

Had the penalty been expulsion then of course that would have been unfair because before they do something that severe, they should do an extensive investigation and, in a sense had a trial. However, they cannot afford the expense of investigation every little minor event so they make a quick decision and, right or wrong, that's it because it's no big deal.

[FeelingGroovy]

I talked to a martial arts master, and he said the opposite. All you need to do is give them warnings to get out of your space. If they don't, you can take them out. Just try and get some witnesses that you warned them.
My brother went to a party with his karate instructor. A drunk idiot told the instructor that he was going to go out to his car, get his gun and shoot the instructor. The instructor said in front of witnesses "You've just threatened my life, and if you move one inch, I'm going to kill you. The drunk guy stood there all night and pissed himself. People wrongfully believe the bully has to throw the first punch. Wrong. Get in a cops face and threaten to kill them. You'll find out.

[Adaeva]

@FeelingGroovy A martial arts master is an expert in his area. That may not be relevant to decisions school teachers and principals make. Nevertheless, he is right that documentation and witnesses should have resulted in a different outcome.

[FeelingGroovy]

And the school should have been sued. I find it really funny that public schools in Seattle are closing. The parents are sick of it. They are finding other means to educate the kids. I heard that around 15 states are giving out school vouchers, so kids can go to private schools for free. I sure hope this catches on.

[Asker]

@FeelingGroovy
I actually know some self-defense. I took Judo several years ago.
The girl kept going after me, cornering me. I think I was nice enough to let her have 2 freebies (the slap and then the shove against the wall, which is already assault) and she failed to listened to my warnings.
The only good outcome that resulted is I never got bullied by her ever again. We just avoided each other, never spoke to each other again. Good. I find that better than if I had done the right thing of just reporting it to the principal's office after getting assaulted 3 times (or possibly more if I had continued giving her freebies) and I'm willing to bet I would've continued to get bullied.

[Asker]

@FeelingGroovy
You can't reason with some bullies. You just can't. Sometimes all it takes is one hit to get them to stop. It's interesting that they won't listen to your warning. I was trying to solve this in the peaceful manner but seems all they understand is in the violent manner.

[FeelingGroovy]

Very true.

[crossdressingrihno]

No it’s not.
Schools won’t protect your kids from bullies.
Your child is punished either way. If they do nothing they was they get beaten up they will be punished for being involved in violence even if they are just a victim. If they fight back they’re punished for hitting someone.
If they tell a teacher they might be ignored or receive some unkind words from the teacher.


All in all they’re punishing no matter what so it’s better to teach them to toughen up, fight back and protect what’s important.

[Anonymous]

I’m impressed with the three warnings. With me you get one warning to fuck of, if that warning is ignored or disregarded there won’t be another warning there isn’t a second chance.


I got bullied all the time as a kid. And when I finally fought back it never happened again. I did get suspended for it though because the damage I did could’ve been lethal (knee to the groin and punch to the throat) my brothers taught me that after I got adopted.


But if there’s a zero tolerance to violence it’s fair that both parties got punished. Even if yours was in self defence

[Asker]

Yeah that's how much I hate fights. I didn't want a fight at all but she insisted so much and wasn't getting me leave so ok eventually I replied with that one punch, putting an end to the fight.
Afterwards I don't continue. The outcome was that I never got bullied again either.

It's just pathetic that I got suspended also even though all I did is just threw one punch to end the bully's aggression. I wouldn't call that really a fight, but rather defending yourself. I had taken Judo classes in the past. That's the only single time I've ever got physical with someone. Hopefully I don't have to defend myself again but I will if needed.

[HighValue]

It's unfair. I always disliked how unfair many employees in schools are in those situations. If I see a student start trouble with someone else and that person gets back at them, I only discipline the instigator, not the person defending themselves.

I have even told off coworkers in the past in front of students when those coworkers got upset at a student that defended themself. Most school employees are unfair in those situations from what I have seen.

[Ms_Facesitter]

I don't think it is. Someone from school got suspended for a week for standing up for himself. But he did tell a teacher that he's going to beat up the bully if he tries something again. Teacher got the info, did nothing with it.

[Counterclocking]

Self defense is a basic human right. As for me if my life is threatened, I’m going to defend myself whether by law it’s legal or not. For self defense being a crime is total BS.

Reasons schools punish self defense is because they’re either too lazy to investigate what happened or they want no responsibility. If they kick you out of school, good riddance. You don’t need their brainwashing bullshit.

[laraWM]

I wouldn't say it is fair but rather it is necessary to stop it before it escalate. It is especially true when you don't know how it happened and who started it

[Adaeva]

Per Gary North: The public schools have always coddled bullies and sacrificed the interests of victims. Why? Because they are paid to. The state pays local districts for enrolled kids. Expelling bullies reduces school districts' income. Administrators know the victims will stay in school, because their parents care more about their net income than their own children's peace of mind.
Read the foregoing and Gary North's Strategy at: https://www.garynorth.com/public/9367.cfm

[Asker]

Thank you for the site. It is pathetic that bullies get away with it. Sometimes all it takes to make them stop is popping them in the mouth, even if it means you getting in trouble yourself.
At that moment I just didn't care about getting suspended. If there is something good that came out of that is she never bullied me ever again. They never become friends but it was enough that I've put a stop to it.

[Adaeva]

Gary North's strategy wouldn't have best for you since she couldn't beat you up. Regardless, the reason he gave for schools coddling instead of expelling bullies is probably true.

[laraWM]

That's unfortunately true. I remember that guy was bullying people around and he only stopped when he ended up on the ground after getting kicked in the balls

[genericname85]

hit "back" so assuming the bully was using physical violence? in that case i will say using violence on them is somewhat justified. if he was a verbal bully exclusively, that would not be justified.

[Iron_Man]

If you’re fighting the school automatically will suspend you both they don’t care who’s at fault usually it’s for 5 days

[Asker]

yeah they don't care at all. Even when two classmates clearly told the principal the girl was the instigator, I still got in trouble for punching her. According to them I should've just walked away (that's what I tried doing several times before and she kept going after me) and reported it. I told them I did that, but I should've continued walking away. Unbelievable.

[Iron_Man]

Typical school board

[Fuentes]

Ain't no 3 warnings it's in sight imma stump them on sight. Never let nobody touch you. If their arms length bomb first.

[Asker]

I don't like fights nor continue to throw blows after blows, beating up people. I really didn't want that fight but she gave me no choice after my last warning. I think I was more than nice.
Since she stopped on her tracks after that one punch, I didn't continue.

[Fuentes]

Sometimes you gotta issue the beat down they started it and you finish it.

[Asker]

But beating them up when they're not doing anything afterwards or continue kicking someone that's already down isn't defending yourself by then.

[Fuentes]

Anyone who steps up gets the beat down so they rmbr to never step up again

[Mangospacho]

What a stupid rule. Basically, if you defend yourself, you’re guilty just as if you had initiated the fight.

[Anonymous]

Who cares? You’re in your 20s now.

[Asker]

Similar thing happened to my cousin just weeks ago. It's like the school administrators don't want you to ever stand up for yourself. They expect you to do nothing but report it, which solves nothing.

[Opinion Owner]

If you’re talking about your cousin being in the situation recently then that is more relevant. Sadly that’s how some schools are, they fault the victim and not the bully, despite them being in a potentially life-threatening situation (like suicidal), parents advocating for them and whatever else. The system fails kids every day, whether it’s at school or in the foster care system.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

No. But life isn't fair.

[Asker]

True. I think I was even being nice to give her two freebies (the slap and then the shove against the wall) along with warnings. Seems like some bullies don't understand until you pop them one good one in the mouth. That was a reply it seemed she wasn't prepared for.

I'm willing to bet that if I had done nothing but reported it, then it wouldn't change anything and I would've still been bullied.