Have you ever had anyone bring up past trauma in order to shut down or win an argument?

[Still-alive]

I've dealt with people like this... like they have gone through some bad shit in their past and you empathize of course... but then they start bringing this trauma up whenever you need to talk with them about important stuff. you get into an argument and they do this to 'win' the argument... or just to shut you down from talking more. i do hate it and feel its manipulative AF. do you agree?

https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/n1tkgt/people_who_use_their_past_trauma_to_win_arguments/

https://www.quora.com/My-boyfriend-brought-up-my-childhood-trauma-during-an-argument-we-had-and-said-I-should-be-grateful-hes-accepting-me-even-though-he-was-the-one-who-asked-me-out-What-should-I-do

Yeah people have done this to me too

Luckily no, no one has done this to me.

[Caroline91]

First, I rarely argue because allowing myself to be pulled into an argument is giving my power away. As long as things stay civil... they can get heated, but no insults or name calling... I will have a discussion and try to reach a mutual resolution to the problem or difference of opinion. However, if someone wants to pull the trauma card to trump things, whether their trauma or mine, the discussion is over and they can expect a more superficial relationship with me in the future, if any at all. I don't do manipulation, giving or receiving.

[electromagnetic]

Nope. Anyone who tries something like that is out of my life in a heartbeat.
I understand they have trauma and I sympathize with them BUT they should seek support for their traumas and find ways to navigate around them. Their traumas have nothing to do with me and I didn’t cause them. Any relationship, friendship, family, is about growing and where is the growth of one person keep bringing up their past without finding ways to manage their traumas.

[RebelinSteel]

I’ve seen it done to another person, their friend who was with them pretty much laid out the person that said it.

[DrPepper12]

They've tried but I don't play that game anymore!

[petitedollbabee]

Yep, my mum is notorious for doing it to me, and then acting as if she didn’t say anything wrong.

[Kayla45]

Yes, happens occasionally. Mostly by family bringing it up.

[DrPepper12]

ALWAYS family! 🤬

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Luckily never happened to me.

[Abbycado]

Thankfully, no.

[Wiredone]

No no one has ever done that

[jack1924]

I don’t deal with weak people