Why would someone lie about coming to your invitation and not come?

[Anonymous]

You invite someone to either your b-day, a party, a wedding or whatever event. Just the day before they tell you they're coming.

Then they don't show up, don't even apologize and act like nothing happened, not even greet you, ghost you or invite others to different events, not even mentioned you. What type of person is that? Lies about coming the day before, doesn't show up and acts like nothing happened.

[Kayla45]

There are several reasons why someone might say they’ll attend an invitation but not show up. Here’s some cases, they may have intended to come but circumstances changed last minute like feeling unwell, getting caught up in another commitment, or experiencing unexpected personal issues. They might not feel comfortable sharing the real reason, so they say yes initially to avoid awkwardness.

Social anxiety can also play a role. Some people find it hard to say no upfront, especially if they worry about disappointing others. They may agree to attend to avoid confrontation but later feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable, leading them to back out without explanation.

In other instances, people might overestimate their ability to manage time or commitments. They may say yes to multiple invitations, genuinely intending to attend but later realizing they can’t follow through. This could come from a desire to please everyone or from poor planning.

Some people lie about attending because they feel obligated but aren’t genuinely interested. Rather than decline and risk hurting feelings, they might agree out of politeness, planning to skip without confrontation. They may assume that not showing up will be less painful than rejecting the invitation directly.

There are also cases where relationships play a role. If someone feels unsure about the social dynamics, like tension or unresolved issues, they might agree to come out of courtesy but choose not to attend to avoid discomfort.

Ultimately, lying about attending often reflects an effort to avoid discomfort—either their own or the host’s. While it can be frustrating, understanding the underlying reasons might help in responding to the situation with empathy or setting clearer expectations in the future.

I hope that offers some insight. :)

[Asker]

Thank you for the explanation. Personally, I tend to be more direct. If I can't make it or a last minute mishap happened, I tell them truth and apologized for the inconvenience. I don't like giving the person hanging without any explanation.
Honestly, I'd rather get a decline than told yes and then no explanation at all when they don't show up. They don't even have to tell me the reason reason either. It can be anything such as ''sorry I couldn't make it, I was busy'' or leave it at ''I had personal matters''.

[Kayla45]

Your approach is admirable, I respect that, and I think a lot of people appreciate that kind of honesty. It shows respect for others’ time and feelings, even if the message is as simple as “I had personal matters.” Clear communication, even when plans fall through, can go a long way in maintaining trust and understanding.

I agree that it’s easier to handle a decline upfront rather than being left wondering what happened. It’s not so much about needing a detailed explanation but about feeling acknowledged. A quick message makes a big difference. It shows that the person values the invitation, even if they couldn’t make it.

Unfortunately, not everyone is comfortable with that kind of directness. Some people struggle with confrontation or feel awkward saying no, even when it’s the most considerate option. Still, your perspective reminds me how important simple communication is, and it’s something many people could benefit from practicing more often.