Why do people avoid others when you’re grieving?

[Anonymous]

I mean I did get support but most people just looked at me shocking when I came to work four days after my dad passed away two months ago. A few coworkers gave me a hug and said condolences but most everyone else gave me NO condolences, a hug or even a card. Nobody! I mean hello? I just lost my father. One of my elder coworkers said her condolences but was moving away from me. She said my dad is in a better place and quickly movies away from me and didn’t bother to give me a hug. I understand there’s things to be done but come on!! When my older brother passed away, NOBODY gave me condolences or even a card at the job I was at before. Even the boss didn’t. I was ignored and pushed away. Even my own boyfriend ignored me when I needed him the most. My mother and I don’t m speak anymore because she blamed me for my brothers death. Like really? So my relationship with her is thrown out the window. We haven’t spoken in five years so I was 20.
I got triggered when I see someone get a card or condolences and support. Like the most kindhearted people get the most shit poured on them!

[Anonymous]

My best friend of 29 years did not speak to me for 3 months after her mother died. I didn't take offense to it. She was grieving. It's hard as you know. There are a lot of emotions tied to it, and awkwardness for a lot of people on how to handle it. When my grandfather died in the hospital right across the street from where I worked, I told my co-workers that I was close to, that I didn't want to talk about it because work was an escape from the sadness that swallowed me when I was at home. Had they been hugging me and wanting to talk about it all the time, it would have suffocated me in my pain.

Two things: if you need to be comforted in a particular way and people aren't giving you that, make it easy for others and tell them exactly what you need to help you through this dark time. Don't assume others know how you want to be treated in this moment especially if they are in a work environment where there are all sorts of different social rules that are generally followed.

If you aren't getting the response you want from certain people, yes, go to counseling, yes, surround yourself with people who seem to care the way you want them to, go on online grief pages and talk about what you're feeling. The people who don't respond the way you want, aren't bad people unless they are outwardly disrespecting you, but you may just have to go other places to help you heal.

[kylee2437]

As some who lost my father this year similarly, people are probably avoiding you because the death of your father is relatively fresh and not many people have experienced what you have experienced believe it or not. They’re 60 year olds that still have their parents present! And when people don’t have similar experiences, it is more difficult to relate to, which leads people to not knowing what to say to you in general.


Personally, you shouldn’t be expecting anything from anyone after something tragic happens. Anything people say/ do for you is out of their own kindness of their heart, it isn’t mandatory.

[kylee2437]

As someone*

[Intheclouds00]

Because people have this weird sense it's contagious or they don't know what to say because they don't want to make the effort. It's a good time to get a sense of how people really feel about you. Fuck em.

[genericname85]

cause most people prefer griefing alone. at least that's my experience.

[Smashingdoozy]

You grieving is one of those things thats really awkward and uncomfortable for other people to deal with. Nobody wants to deal with someone who is upset or unconsolable, because what the hell do you say? "It'll be okay" feels wrong , "in time you'll feel better" ok sure but they're upset now. It's just yeah. Tough place to be and to watch someone go through so we simply don't

[Nikki1989]

Some people may simply lack the empathy to understand and respond to the emotions of others.