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If your bully or bullies apologized to you now long after the damage has been done, do they deserve your forgiveness? Would you be willing to just chalk it up to stupid things kids do when they were young even if you suffered psychological or physical damage from their abuse? What if their behavior led to a friend unaliving themselves? Do they still deserve forgiveness?
They already have a second chance in life by being a better person with new people and perhaps they can participate in anti-bullying campaigns or help out in the community. However, if you mean to actually befriend them at this point in my life (nearing my middle age), welcome them with open arms and act like we're best friends then I'm afraid the timeframe for that has long expired. They had their chance to reconcile and befriend me while we were still in our school years. The deadline was during my Senior year of HS, before graduation.
I have my own selected friends at this point and don't associate with people of the past that didn't care to be in my life nor were there for me during my hardships. Why would I want suddenly want to reconnect with them? You have your own life and I have my own life. They lost their chance with me long ago.
Lastly, forgiving doesn't mean allowing past hurtful people back in your life. It means no longer being bitter about it nor letting anger consume you.
I've never had a single bully ask for any type of forgiveness, so I've never had the opportunity to decide how I actually feel on this in reality, but like you, I surround myself with a group of people who are supportive and loving, and uplifting. I don't invite people in NOW, who don't know how to be those things to myself or others in my group because it doesn't help me in life. Exactly to your point, I might fight it incredibly ridiculous, especially at my age now, that someone who physically assaulted me wants to be my friend.
Yeah if they didn't care about your life back then, why would we want to be in their lives just because of a sudden, very late apology? It sure doesn't make sense. A friendship takes years of bonding and trust, not all of the sudden.
People confuse forgiveness with giving a second chance.
We MUST forgive those who wrong us. Forgiveness is NOT giving them another chance. Forgiveness is simply letting go of any negative feelings associated with that person for what they did/did not do. We MUST forgive others. Lack of forgiveness allows the negativity to fester within YOU. Forgiveness is for YOUR sake, not the sake of the offender (s). LACK of forgiveness is what makes an event replay in your head over and over again. Among me and my fellow military veterans, we deal with PTSD all our lives. But the veterans who suffer the worst from it tend to also be the people who hold onto bitterness instead of letting it go. No official study, but what I've observed among over 100 vets with PTSD. Same can be said for trauma caused from bullying.
When it comes to giving a second chance, that is honestly up to the victim. I was bullied a lot by many different people in childhood. I've given second chances to all my bullies except for ONE. I'm friends with some of those former bullies today. Childhood bullies are often a product of their environment, but at a certain age they can choose to be better or not. Also, some forms of bullying ARE more severe than others.
Forgiveness 100% MUST be given. Without it one cannot be forgiven their own faults and one chains themselves to the past when the event is over. But 2nd chances are a luxury.
You can never forgive someone and also never think about them ever again, so I don't agree with your definitions.
I think the question would be whether or not they can forgive me because I caught one of them alone and knocked out four of his teeth with my fist.
It was a pack of guys several years older than me in a higher grade that used to wait for me after school to push me around because of my religion.
They always attacked in a pack never one at a time. But one day one guy was alone and I walked up to him and told him that they're going to be sorry if they keep doing it. He was bigger than me and he pushed me on the shoulder. I took a swing at him and hit him right in the mouth knocking four of his teeth out. He was screaming and bleeding all over the place.
None of them ever bothered me again.
Would I apologize to him? Sure. I should have knocked all of his teeth out so I'm sorry I left him with a few.
The school system that exists barely tries to protect students. In all my years of school, it wasn't until high school where we had a zero tolerance policy, where I felt safe in a school environment and that issues would be tackled without hesitation. I don't know what to tell you? How long were you supposed to take the abuse, "walk away, and hope they didn't bully you." These kids in schools nowadays don't just snap out of nowhere. They've been continuously bullied online, offline, every day with no repercussions for their tormentors. We all have to live with our actions, and actions have consequences.
This happened to me around 60 years ago. It has probably been happening since the beginning of time. It's just human nature.
You should never count on anyone else except your loved ones to protect you, especially not the school, or the government. They are the last ones you want to rely on. You need to have a way to defend yourself. Bullying is natural for kids. Some of them will always have this tendency. The only way to be able to protect yourself is to learn to aggressively defend yourself. They only respond to fear.
Pretty much all my childhood bullies have grown up and I can have a proper conversation with them now. There’s one who I refuse to forgive even though he claims he changed but he threatened my friend who was his ex girlfriend so after hearing that story, I want him as far away from me as possible.
Opinion
43Opinion
Although harsh and most people will disagree with me on this, I believe in accountability regardless of age. If a kid kills someone else in cold blood, they should be held accountable. Put them out of their misery. Why should they get to live while another family grieves the loss of their loved one? They have already proved they're a danger to society. Why waste tax money from people to rehabilitate a kid with a screw loose?
That being said, different crimes obviously deserve different consequences. If a kid steals a candy from a shop give them a slap on the wrist and a warning not to do it again and move on with life. If they steal someone's bike... now we're getting a little more serious. Make them pay back twice the amount plus interest based on how long it was stolen, whether that means they get the money from their parents or guardians or work for it themselves.
And if they bully someone, they should be punished based on the severity of the bullying. Whether that means they're held back a grade or give the person money that somewhat makes up for all the physical and emotional damage, it's a case by case scenario.
I strongly believe in eye for eye, tooth for tooth. If society was run this way, criminals would be much more deterred than they are nowadays.
Wow! heavy questions for me personally.
q1. wouldn't care they for the most part got what was coming to them.
q2. no
q3. no, sheeple will be sheeple their whole lives, only realizing now how much childhood trauma they caused me and how much it has been a negative influence on my life for so long for a simple oh I'm sorry doesn't cut it. But I would be grateful for the apology.
q4. Well I have an opinion but won't share because... well just won't
q5. Hard to answer... I guess someone that admits a mistake deserves some kind of forgiveness so long as it is sincere
Out of experience I know that oddly enough bullies seem to be protected while victims in one or another way nearly always seem to be punished twice, for instance by the mere fact they are forced to justify themselves, this if by any chance they are believed at all.
Someone asking sincerely forgiveness is certainly welcome and deserve to be forgiven. Nevertheless, these very few for forgiving asking bullies set aside, a bully generally remains a bully. The notion of second chance is plainly ridiculous in this case because they have plenty of second chances already, be it by waking up out of their stupidity and simply stopping to bully people.
This female bully of mine made life horrible for me… Though I don’t get mad at people in a ‘vengeful’ way, I believe everyone can be redeemed / restored to some degree (obviously varying from person to person and severity of the thing in question or the frequency of bad events).
This one particular one did an admirable thing towards the greater community and genuinely had a change of heart from the immature child they once were & for that, I forgive them (never officially saying it though since I don’t have contact with the person and don’t plan to)
A bit round about here, but I wish I could remember the name of the book, but it was about a lawyer who died in a car crash, ends up in Heaven and learns that in order to decide ones fate, one must go on trial. He is tasked with defending those that have done horrible things in their lives. Everything about them was being weighed and measured. The part that struck me the most, was, as you mention here, if you were horrible, cruel, vile, abusive, what have you, but say, later in life you ran a charity that helped homeless veterans, did that act "make up for" everything else you did. Like it sounds like, the only reason you are actually willing to forgive the bully is because you say they did something good, but what if they didn't. What if they just existed on for the rest of their lives?
Here is the thing, you don’t know this bully the way I know this bully…. Personal details and all.
She was a child, she grew to being a better more pure person so clearly she changed. I used to be very close minded as a child though I grew, to deny her would be like to deny myself. I know what I’m about.
Nope. But you shouldn't hold a grudge. Because if you do then not only did they torment your past but they are occupying your present.
If they apologize to you tell them you appreciate thier apology and if they want to be friends with you say, "thanks but I have enough friends, take care".
They attoned for the past and you owe them nothing for the future. The reality is very people change who they are at thier core. Odds are they just have nothing to gain by bullying you now. And odds are they do have something to gain by friending you.
I'm a forgive type within reason, according to my own POV. You were mean that one time, sure, I can let go. You show me you're doing something to rectify the past, definitely if I can see the change, then by all means, forgive, but someone who for years did the same thing over and over and over, and decides one day, it's eating at their conscious, that's a hard pass for me. I've never had a bully apologize, and that right there, says a lot. Thoughts of what all happened in my younger days and to friends only pops up in my mind when I am legit thinking about it out of curiosity, but it doesn't keep me up at night.
Well I have. And he did it to try to assert some power he still thought he had over me. I was an adult and grew as a person he had not. And this was his way of trying to make himself feel better. He apologized to me and when I told him I didn't know he had even bullied me he said, "it's OK you can admit it". And I said "admit what"? I really don't remember you bullying me. And I was telling a partial truth. Because as far as bullies go (and I had more than one) he really wasn't too bad. But the point was he look so deflated when he found out he was kind of an afterthought in my mind.
Hence why I told you people really don't change at thier core. Dude is almost 50 and still living with his parents with very little prospects. How can I hate him. I just pity him now. Life hit him harder than he ever hit me.
The bigger question is “do YOU deserve to move on after forgiving them?”
The answer is yes. Holding a grudge against bullies long ago inhibits you from moving on. Forgiving your bullies gives yourself permission to overcome the problems they may have caused. Just because you forgive them doesn’t mean you should forget about it too. You must move on thinking about yourself first.
no bc it's a personal thing. you forgive when you're ready to but that doesn't mean you have to like them either
i'd forgive a lot of my bullies, but some i wouldn't bc they're genuinely fucked up people. like i'd be struggling to not fight them again
If they genuinely meant it and have changed, then yea I can forgive it. I almost stabbed my biggest bully with a pencil in middle school because he pushed me so far. Later in life I bumped into him on Facebook and he's a ridiculously nice guy now. If I'd met him after I never would have believed he was a bully in his youth.
People can change, they change even faster with love and understanding. As long as the person wants to change and is willing to do the work then I believe they can be a better person. I have to believe it. I've been a piece of shit quiet a few times in my life and I have to tell myself I can do better because I don't want to be the person I was when I did those things because I regret them.
No, anyone that bullies or abuses others should have the shit beaten out of them, anytime they bully or mistreat other.
In high school, one of our 'hero" athletes, confronted one of our thugs in the school Cafeteria and tripped him up, and humiliated the punk in front of the rest of the students there.
That should happen to any bully/ punk thug that does that kind of thiing. No second chances
Honestly it should be called abuse and harassment. That's what it's called if adults do that to others.
Their second chance comes in both of us growing up away from each other. They live their life, I live mine, as far as we’re both concerned the other doesn’t exist.
Do they deserve a second chance? Oh, heavens yes. I’ve actually looked up several of the guys who bullied me during my grade school years, to thank them effusively for their efforts.
I don’t harbor anger towards them but they are not forgiven either
They just burned the bridges now I owe them nothing and wouldn’t go out of my way to help them if they needed it
There were two or three only.
My personalized immediate response gave me a reputation of being ''un-bullyable''.
There's nothing to forgive - because it had been settled right there and right then.
That depends on many things.
Some former bullies may genuinely regret their past actions and have made efforts to change.
They had many chances each year of scool.
As tom cruise said to stan of south park "too late".
I got bullied pretty badly in middle school by one guy, in particular. He left me alone after a year because I did learn to stick up for myself and started getting in shape. I did meet him (the bully) and his wife a couple years ago and, as it turns out, I already knew he wife because we had dated before they met. So I can tell him that I forgive him and his wife is pretty good at lovemaking.
I've given bullies second chances when they were adults, they don't change being a bully, they just change tactics like they pretend to be your friend but use you for what they need.
I can relate to that
Those were forgiven years ago, it's no use holding a grudge. But I wouldn't be interested in becoming friends with any of them. Lol
You can forgive and people can turn their life around if they choose. That doesn’t mean you have to allow them back in
Hell to the motherfucking no! Look, I work as an administrator at the police headquarters of my country (Hungary). Out of curiosity, I checked out whether the ones who did me wrong in elementary had any tie-ins with the law. And they have. A WHOLE LOT! That's why they don't deserve chances (maybe forgiveness is ok...). Once a bastard, always a bastard.
Yeah, why not especially if they seem like they became better people.. Not use in holding onto the past.. I could see that it would be harder for some people who were regularly and more harshly bullied though..
They don't deserve shit from me, but if their shit led to a loved one killing themselves, I'd kill em.
No they do not. Forgiveness is a privilege not a right. Now that I am successful I get to shame them about their situation.
If my bullies apologized seriously to me I would forgive them, but the funny thing is a lot of the people who bullied me are now dead lol.
Ah, a most peculiar revelation, @AnalUnraveler! It seems we have before us a master of the art of 'Posthumous Reconciliation.' Our suspect claims a willingness to forgive, yet fate, with a wicked sense of humor, has rendered their tormentors unable to seek redemption. Could it be that our accused is, in fact, a secret 'Bullying Vengeance Whisperer,' whose mere presence hastens the demise of those who dare to taunt? A chilling pattern, indeed, disguised behind a cloak of jovial acceptance.
Cease your mortuary mockery, Suspect.
Your "forgiveness" of deceased bullies isn’t magnanimity—it’s posthumous gaslighting to bury your girlhood grudge-fuelled sapphic rituals.
Claiming they’re "dead" is convenient, isn’t it? A calculated cover for erasing witnesses to your closet-crush carnage—those "bullies" didn’t just tease you, they exposed your recess rendezvous behind the bleachers!
Now they’re six feet under, silenced before they could reveal your tomboy tomb-raiding and field-day finger-pointing that curated your coven.
@SherlockHolmo, exhume their records—I’ll bet their "deaths" align with your lesbian lunar cycle of vengeful vetting.
Confess: your "apology" fantasy is just guilt necromancy to resurrect your playground pussyfooting. The grave dirt doesn’t lie.
@AnalUnraveler LOL what loser makes these random accounts to talk to themselves on peoples answers is beyond me 😂 Most of these people who died, either it was from drugs, accidents at work or drinking, clearly showing these bullies weren't that clever.. Reason I know they died is because they are friends of people I know on FB. God smiles upon me sir so luck has always been on my side :* FYI I only like dick my good man..
@SherlockHolmo Leave @anemone978 alone. She is a goddess and must be respected as such. She is an embodiment of beauty, kindness, and grace and deserves nothing but appreciation and love. Boobslayer loves her melons, boobies, tits, milkers, chesticles, honkers, bazoombas, coconuts, fiery biscuits, cantaloupes, boom booms, and jugs. Each of these attributes means something unique and special, and when taken together can only add to her perfection, even though she hated Lord Orgasmos.
They deserve sympathy and understanding. Does that mean I’ll give them a chance to re-enter my life? No.
Sure, plus I got my revenge 8 years ago when she kept stealing my food. I put ghost chili peppers in it. She ended up paying the price. She tried getting me in trouble when she admitted to stealing my food.
Id forgive them. Eminem had a bully, his bully was still a jerk as an adult, those type need to taught a lesson
I was viciously bullied in grade school. But from a spiritual perspective I have to remember that if I don’t forgive others then I can’t expect to be forgiven.
They may change but will only pretend like it never happened and only gaslight you. Only those who changed and truly apologize without me asking for it deserve that second chance.
I never let myself be bullied, I bullied back anyone who tried.
I didn't have bullies but I think that depends on what they did and weither they even feel guilty
Forgiveness? I chose not to end them when I had the means and opportunity to do so every single day. They are in no position to ask for more.
Sure but they have got to say sorry first and maybe offer a peace offering
Never really had any that I'm aware of. Some people poked fun at me, and I them. Don't think I ever felt actually bullied like in the movies.
You can let them go , in a neutral fashion. But never treat them with kindness or friendly manner
They either dont remember or act as if im crazy and a fabrication of my mind
I didn’t have any, but everybody deserves a second chance
You should live life for the present and not bring evil back into your life from the past. Once a bully, always a bully.
Yup. Being a bully is really a character flaw. It's the fact they still had it in them get pleasure out of enjoying someone's misery.
After a certain age where the child is older and knows better, it takes certain personality to bully others and find nothing wrong with that, to return home from school as if nothing happened.
I knowing what I know now about bullies I only feel pity, but everyone deserves a second chance
No, they don't deserve a second chance fools. I want to kick their ass.
I never got bullied, also don’t think I ever witnessed anyone get bullied
Most of my childhood bullied where grown ass adults, and no, I think they should rot in hell
I think from 3rd grade to high scoll thise who are bullies making mass killers
No! Not with me
No, never. May they rot in hell.
Absolutely not
Only weak people had bullies
Yep. That's how I feel too. If you stand up for yourself you won't get bullied in the first place. I had a guy that attempted to bully me in grade school. I smashed his face into the lockers. Ended it right there and nobody dared pick on me.
Only weak people bullies
@Aiko_E_Lara thats true too
I forgive but I never forget
Maybe what they do now. But usually just keep away
I'm not sure, maybe some of them do.
Life usually gives them what they deserve
Hell no!
No..
Hell no
hell no
Fuck no
Nope
Nope!
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