I was bullied a lot in middle school and was frequently given the advice to "ignore your bullies, and they'll leave you alone." Who did this work for??? I often thought, do these adults think that I am purposefully going and finding my bullies and trying to interact with them in anyway...they're bullies! Clearly I had no desire to be around them and tried to avoid them in every way. How do you ignore someone you have all your classes with, or that rides your same bus, or potentially lives in your neighborhood, and now days, has social media?
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If you were bullied, did ignoring your bullies ever work?
Well, I'm going to be honest, at first it DIDN'T work, they wouldn't stop calling me names and making fun of me with no reason, so, I used their imperfections and their weaknesses against them, and it kinda worked, but that got me in trouble and this made the chemistry teacher put me in a group with most of my bullies to work with them, she enjoyed seeing me mad whenever she picked groups to work in class. But in the last year since the very first day of class I barely paid attention to them, most of the time I made cruel pranks for them, and then fully ignore them to the point where they got desperated and privately asked me why I was ignoring them and some even asked me if I hate them or if they did something wrong to me. Suddenly the guy who bullied me the most would sit with me and ask me if I was ok or what was I reading, but I never gave him attention, he was weird, in person he would treat me like trash, but on facebook he would message me and even flirt, while at school he would mess with me pulling my head hand off of my hair and throwing it high, chase me, etc, to this day I still hate that asshole. And one of the girls who bullied me was weird too, she often would greet me in a kind way, invite me to hang out with her or inviting herself to my plans with my friends, she even would talk to me about her problems, help me with some classes and offer me food, all of this happened once I fully ignored them, maybe they realized their behavior was not ok or I don't know, but to this day we all are graduated and whenever I see some of them, I don't even bother to say 'hi', the girl I mentioned waves at me when she sees me and I pretend I don't know her, funny thing is that her own 'friends' bullied her calling her fat, stupid, useless, etc. But I will tell you this: They bully people because they don't like themselves and they want to feel good for a moment, so, don't let them ruin your life, if you have to hurt them, do it and show them that you're not weak, put them in their place.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Ignoring specific taunts did because if you show any reaction or emotion that what they are saying bothers you then they will keep chipping away at that one thing, bullies get gratification out of knowing they can hurt you so verbally you can't ever let them get that. With bullies you have to develop a real thick, you also have to make them think that picking on you is either a bad idea or a wasted effort. Bullies often have their own issues such as their body issues, absentee parents, abusive parents, emotional problems, sexual abuse and so many more. My school bully was a very tall fat girl in school that hated me because I was short and skinny and all the boys liked me. She hated herself because she was so fat and manish and her home life was shit, her dad broke her arm because she wanted to quit the violin and he wanted her to marry her cousin.
Punching their damn faces sure worked. But I didn’t want to, I just did it because it was the fastest method I deduced. It sucks bc I don’t like to be remembered as someone who would resort to violence, but the game changed when they tried to intimidate my friends. Like let’s just stop this now. Kamekameha.
Being an adult is different because you can’t just go getting people. You have to learn how to throw fire back at adult bullies without raising a hand. Sometimes violence is “easier” in the moment, but in the long run it’s better to prevent it and still stand up for yourself.
Yes and no. Some bullies will eventually get tired of bothering you when they don't get a response from you hence yes it works. No when the bullies get bolder until they get a response from you. But at the end of the day, don't take shit from bullies. Make sure you stand your ground and fight them back when necessary. Get the cops involved if need be. Make sure your family knows and the school/work so when things get worse, you are not alone. Speak up. Don't be scared/shy. There is nothing to be ashamed/scared about. Expose these cowardly bullies.
Interesting question on this one. The way I look at this. Teachers can only suggest to the best of their abilities. Does that mean they have the best of the best of the best type of suggestions within the realm of education? no. Teachers merely have an education degree. They don't have a behavior psychology degree nor do they have a criminal justice degree. If any person has a degree of any kind, that would imply they are qualified to think on their own. Teachers are qualified to think on their own in the field of education,... that's it, that's all they are trained & qualified to do. That's it. Handling bullies who will inevitably turn out to be possibly criminals all because they weren't nurtured right by their parents is beyond their scope of work.
They can suggest for you to just "Ignore them", but that doesn't rule out their "thinking on their own" type of suggestion is going to be the best of the best of the best tactic which will work everytime. I have met plenty of those type of bullies who grew up not being nurtured right or just not being nurtured by their parents at all,... and already some of them I once knew are already criminals/violent offenders. These are the same people who are close to my age & unfortunately haven't changed at all.
I could go on, but I'm sure you get the point. 1 of my pet peeves is when these bullies go over your personal boundaries, if you have to physically defend yourself, well you might as well. You shouldn't have to be pushed around by them.
Well in defense of the teachers at that school which I transferred out of after only one year (thankfully), they were struggling too. Students were just horrible not just to other students, but to faculty as well. One of my teachers snapped one day and threw a book across the room at a wall in frustration. Now how was that going to give me advice if she was already losing it herself? In one of the most incredible moments of my life in how sad it was, when I left one of my teachers confessed to me that I was his only good student and that he wished I could stay because no one else listened to him in class or did their homework. I practically ran for the door after that one, like you and I both know I deserve better than this, and truthfully so did he because he was a good teacher in a bad situation.
But one can have a good experience in school when you do have a school with a zero tolerance for the stuff I endured at my first middle school. At my second, most of the stuff that was done to me would be automatic suspension and teachers enforced it, and the calibur of students to begin with were a thousand times better because as you point out, they didn't grow up in situations like not having parents, or being physically/mentally abused. It's one of those, can we really blame the bullies, but of course when you're a kid, you don't understand that level of psychology and that still doesn't stop them.
In a realist sense, you can't always 100% rely on the school suspension. There are students that will take full advantage of that & treat it like it's vacation away from the school. Do you really think & trust something like that is going to change their behavior?
My point is two fold, that it worked at my new school, but also the students themselves came from different life situations, which were mostly good loving homes with parents who were very much involved with the school. At school 1, there were absentee parents and a lot of family issues, and people just trying to literally survive so in terms of them getting in trouble if they'd been suspended there it wouldn't have made a difference, but at school 2, kids just didn't do that type of stuff to get them suspended and if they had been, there parents would have definitely cared and punished them for that behavior.
and we still face that even now. Like I mentioned I have gone to school with a handful of these students who were all terribly disobedient. Some of them have improved ( which is unbelievable) others have chosen the life of crime.
That ignoring bullies thing only worked in certain cases. I know people say that violence isn’t the right answer, but in many cases, a punch in the face was what got people to back off - once they realised I wasn’t a walk over and pretty tough for a girl. Most of the people I hit were actually boys who thought they were tough as well.
One of them pulled my shorts down when I was at the park (I would’ve been 12) and I was so furious I hit him harder than ever hit anyone before. My fist actually hurt for a good couple of hours. Safe to say I knocked him off his feet and he was left on the ground practically crying and unable to move. His face was a picture the next day, big black eye that he couldn’t actually open because it was that swollen 😂.
He deserved it though, he tortured me for years until I did this, and I don’t regret it to this day!
I was bullied like hell, and ignoring them never worked for me. I think the trick is to figure out a safe place to go and not be weird for a few minutes. For me, that place was in the creative art programs. I got to be around the other freaks and weirdos for 90 minutes, 3 times per week, and I honestly believe that those minutes saved my life.
Ironically I just gave this advice to someone else about dealing with a horrible work situation because it's true. When there is nothing else you can do, you have to just focus on yourself and making sure mentally, you're okay. Two things did help: leaving that school entirely after only one year, and the two friends I did have there, one who is still my oldest best guy friend, who helped me make it through the torture.
Yeah it did for me, they got bored and moved onto to someone that would always rise to their BS. You gotta remember people that bully often have shit lives of their own or very limited intelligence so once they no longer get that rise that makes them feel smarter or less concerned with their own shitty lives they give up and move on; they make still make the odd comment here and there but that is still better then bullying. Alternatively you could just sucker punch them in the nose, one hard punch will get you in loads of trouble but that bully will most likely never try that shit again... I had that happen to.
I was bullied but I dodn't give a fuck to the point I didn't even realise it was bullying. I mean it had no effect on me whatsoever.
There was only one time when they tried to beat me up, but it didn't work out too well due to my extensive martial arts training. Which resulted in one fucker going to the hospital, the rest escaping wirh minor bruises.
Since a camera caught the events, charges were pressed against my attackers by default, and the moron whose jaw I broke in self defense got three years in prison suspended, for aggravated assault in group with a weapon (he had a plastic pipe in his hand).
He had to serve the sentence due to a minor theft 2 months later...
I was bullied many years at school. Ignoring its a bad idea. If someone bullies you if your in school or your kids. Best option in my idea. Take them to self defence class and teach them how to defend them selfs. I remember I was bullied I was really shy. At first when it jsut started bullying me. I used to replay, but then I just stopped replaying , but bulling didn't stopped it became even worse. Because they think you are afraid of them thats why you don't respond. Best is stand up for your self. Show your not afraid or best like i say take self defense class or go exercise and beat them up. Sadly i think there is no other option. Before I didn't chassed one bully and started hiting him in front of whole class. I was bullied, but after this my class mates started shaking my hand and stopped being mean to me.
My brother tied a pillow to the washing line and taught me to punch, I broke the ring leaders nose. The school did nothing to stop me being attacked so self defence seemed more practical, and the school wanted my family to punish me but my family stood up for me because they’d made plenty of complaints about me coming home with black eyes or ripped clothes. But I doubt anyone would recommend anyone does that these days because most kids are carrying knives etc
The only way these cowards will leave you alone is when you punch them in the throat. I was bullied a few times in school but nothing severe or for long. I was told to shut up and had pencils thrown at me (pathetic right?) then she pushed me down the stairs, luckily I had hold of the stair rail so I didn’t fall or anything. After that she left me alone but it may have been because I told a teacher.
They didn't think it was fun when I didn't react or do anything back so they eventually quit. They didn't stop talking about me behind their backs but honestly I didn't talk to people until I was in 7th grade so nothing they said ever really came back to hurt me. I just read my books all the time and stayed to myself and I was happy like that.
Sometimes you just got to kick the crap out of someone for them to respect you and leave you alone. Even if you get the crap knocked out of you instead, they will respect you for it. Ignoring bullies on line is one thing, but in real life it is different. If you just be quiet and take it they will continue. I suggest you take a boxing/kick boxing class in college so at least you will know how to kick ass.
Here’s the problem with this question, I grew up with a narcissistic mother who was my biggest bully I have ever had. She made all the other bullies I had look like twerps. I was already desensitized to them. It didn’t stop them but it was easy to push them aside. I wish I could ignore or beat the crap or whatever worked for the rest of you worked for her. I knew punching her wasn’t going to work because I knew that she could call the cops and they would believe her over me or something like that.
Right? My parents were my biggest bullies. My mother still does it.
I've been really nailing my mother to the damned wall about it and making her listen to a tirade every fucking time.
I keep reminding her it's a well known truth about her, I'm not wrong, and she can go say shit about me to anyone else if she needs to vent. But no more of it can come into my ears.
I’m at a point where I’m just going to try to keep her out of my life as much as possible now that I am living on my own. This is really hard to do because I really enjoy being with my little sister but she is still in high school and living with my parents as a result and I know she really misses me. My mother isn’t as bad now as she was when I was in middle school and freshman year of high school, where I was being told I needed to be in an insane asylum for some minor academic mistake I made in 6th grade. I think I hid a bad test grade from her. 8th grade and freshman year I was basically belted for everything. I was so sick of her shit.
I was bullied during Pre-School. The advice I got then was what ACTUALLY fixed the bullying. The advice was to "stop being an easy victim and if they want to fight you, you give them back as much as you can even if you will ultimatively lose the fight".
Whenever people tried to get to me, I sticked with that mindset and they never pulled through.
Ignoring them just fans the flames... the ONLY way to get people to stop fucking with you is to fight back... it doesn't matter if they kick your ass or whatever... once they know that if they talk shit to you they are gonna get punched in their shit talking mouth they will move on to weaker prey...
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Nope. Nope. Nope. Of course ignoring does not work, and it's not even an option. Bullies will find their ways to come to you, bother you and harass you.
When your backpack was scribbled with markers and cut with knives, it's reality. You can't ignore it. Being an ostrich never worked on bullies.
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Opinion Owner
+1 y
The main bullies since I was in elementary school, followed me and stalked me, transferred to my middle school classes, until high school when I took an exam to got into a school which they could not get into, I never saw their faces again.
My story is kind of similar. I was at Middle school number one for one year. I begged my parents almost everyday to leave that school (and they knew it was not good so they didn't need convincing) so just like you, the next year I got into a great school basically planets away from them, and students at my new school were friendly and welcoming and the teachers were amazing at handling students who wanted to create "negative environments" as they called it. Never had another issue and like you, never saw my bullies again.
I was bullied for 8-9 years until end of middle school, but towards 7th grade even though this kid transferred to my class, she was bullying someone else, but then this girl bullied me.
I went to HS for 3 days. Got escorted out of King County by the sheriff's department, back on a plane to Philly. I stuck a gun in a kid's mouth, letting him know exactly what the deal was if me, or my friend, saw anything but his back, on sight, anywhere in public. He'd been bullying a friend of mine. Times were different then. We didn't have all this mushy stuff. That was a portent of things to come, but such is life.
Ehh not really. People just liked bothering me for no reason. But I've always stood my ground though. If someone even dared tried touching me it was on😂😂 that was all the way in middle school tho. I am a changed person now and everything is much better now anyways. I've learned not to care about others opinions about me as much as i use to
Well once on my first day of highschool a kid said to one of his friends "oh, I know him... he's gay" And I replied with "no fuck you, your fucking gay" And he just looked at me in shock like o_O And never said anything about me again after that... So I suggest Manning up to your bullies
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
For me it worked time to time. I remember one bully kept telling me "aren't I bothering you? Doesn't this bother you? TELL MEEE!!" And it got them so mad I was ignoring it and shrugging my shoulders as if I didn't care. And they left. But that only works a few times, I don't think it works in groups.
I'm glad I learned early that if you ever have a bully who threatens to beat you up, just call their bluff. Kids will always act tough but most of them don't want to get caught or in trouble.
I had a guy in high school who tried to use his height as a way to make short guys feel bad, and one day he called me a midget and I was just like "aw, who's a big boy? Keep drinking your milk and you'll keep growing" and for some reason that kept him quiet.
We try our best to avoid fights. However, bullies don't change their ways. So, ignoring them doesn't doesn't really solve anything. Also, I wasn't a patient young lady. I was spunky enough to confront them and express how much I despised their ways.
I was bullied by this guy in middle school for how I looked since I wasn’t super skinny in my friend group and I had fuller lips... I kicked him in his balls one day because he kept bothering me. He said nothing after that. Only time I’ve really been truly bullied.
Bas6you avoid without avoiding. Also being in different classes or gaming in different groups. What we should be learning is everything about human behavior. We do everything and then we have to be with someone and we can't get along.
I grabbed one of my bullies by the shirt collar, lifted him up against the classroom wall, and started slowly squeezing, enough for him to look terrified. I never got shit from him again. I'm a lover, not a fighter.
not all the time no, some times it did... other times it infuriated them... but it was that which made them weak and pitiful and when they become effected by you refusing to acknowledge them it effects them on a psychological level
I was severely bullied in middle school and nothing stopped even ignoring them they still done it to me it was pathetic i was stabbed with compass and slapped on back of my head i was called names and even made fun of by people it was horrible.
For me that was worked the most. They thought I was annoying because I was ignoring them so they stopped bothering me. It really surprise me it didn't worked for majority of people.
No, it never worked for me... putting one of them in the hospital with multiple broken bones, and explaining to all of his friends that if they kept messing with me I would do worse to them got them to back off and leave me alone.
It depends. It worked for me. I didn’t really care what bullies did and and just went on with my day. They eventually realized that there’s no satisfaction in bullying me.
I am/was still bullied where I worked/volunteered. No one did anything about it. The excuse "Oh we were just joking" you joke with your friends, I am not your friend"
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