Confused about my brain?

[metallhead665]

Normally like to be a "nice person" doing things to help others in need comforting people in distress just over being nice but for some reason I also feel sadistic I strongly enjoy others suffering to the point its basically a turn on. I really love causing minor inconveniences for people like not changing the toilet paper roll, leaving just a little sliver of milk left so someone else has to change the bag. It also goes way deeper, of course naturally I will never engage in these acts personally cause I really dont see it in my best interest to go to prison but I really really like watching gore videos, beheadings, being crushed by large machines etc but here's where I get really confused in real life situations I do what I can't to save a person cause I dont want to see them get hurt or even worse killed, I don't boast about what I do good but say for example I pull someone out the way of getting hit by a car. Does anyone understand why my brain is like this?

[Hardon-Collider]

Has nothing to do with your physical brain. Your brain is normal. Like everyone has an ounce of agression in them, we also have some imagination-agression. It's not even sadism since you don't want this to continue.

Obviously modern psychology is backwards and calls it "harmless release that prevents the physical agression". DON'T listen to that.

Every time you cave in, watch snuffies, you lose your sense of independent choosing of what you consume.

Choose to stop. Think of an object, any object, and keep it as the sole idea in your mind. For minutes on end. Eventually you'll become strong enough to remove unwanted thoughts, decide what you watch. ㅤ

[Hardon-Collider]

Modern psychology bullshit considers it a "win" if you fantasize without physical outbursts. But that's stupid.

The true danger is not losing control externally, but losing control of your soul internally, which precedes and enables all external moral failure.

So i wonder, how many times were you beaten up, did you have a tough life? Or the opposite, are you spoiled?

[metallhead665]

Tbh I do have lots of trauma

[Hardon-Collider]

Well obviously, trauma suppresses growth. And suppresses memory. So you then also struggle to let your sense of self into the body. It really does seem like foreign passions riding you, believe it or not. You know they exist: if you enter a room full of frightened people, you also feel some creepiness. Same way your "sadism" isn't really yours. And the trauma makes you somewhat empty, making room for foreign desires.

Reversing it would be the cure. So, what allows the sense of self to become more intact? Stop being 'nice' automatically. Only help people when you consciously choose to, not out of habit or guilt. Authenticity kills the foreign influence on your desires better than kindness does. Also, don't judge the sadistic thoughts, just observe them. Watching them objectively without emotion takes away their power. And do something with your hands that requires precision like woodworking or playing an instrument. You are living too much in your head/fantasy. Bring the will down into the fingers.