Guy's Behavior

Am I overthinking and why does my brain work this way?

This man absolutely knows that I want him to be my husband. He’s my first love. We have known each other for 30 years. We went out separate ways as adults but reconnected 3 years ago after we both got out of long term relationships. We would hook up to have sex sometimes and talk on the phone for long periods. Anyway he made it clear to me that he loves me and that he doesn’t want to get into a relationship with me because his words he “is a piece of shit who lies and can’t keep his sick in his pants” And he doesn’t want to lose our friendship and make it to where I never want to talk to him again. We supported each other through our mothers passing away the same month. I’ve had to save him from not having rides to important places on his vehicle was down. He’s done a lot for me basically we’re always there for each other when we need it most. About 6 or 7 months ago I told him I will no longer be having sex with him. Then the communication kind of dies down. We had a childhood friend also one of the girls he used to run around with pass away in a tragic accident a couple weeks ago. Now All of a sudden he’s telling me he loves me and if anything ever happens to me he just wants me to know that he does love and care about me. He came to my house while I was gone on my birthday and left me two birthday cards two candles in a beautiful flower vase full of beautiful flowers. I hate when this kind of stuff happens because I get all of in my feelings thinking oh maybe he wants me now and I know I sound desperate but I have loved this man through all kinds of trials and tribulations. It’s been a few days since that happened and I haven’t heard from him. But in the card he said they don’t make a card to sum up our relationship and he wrote I love you really big in the middle of the card and now I’m all in my dumb ass feelings.

Am I overthinking and why does my brain work this way?
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