Why would the waiter write his number down if he didn’t really want to… and I told him he wasn’t obligated?

[Anonymous]

My mom asked him because she thought he would be a nice friend but it was awkward. This all happened AFTER HE WAS TIPPED.

He could have clearly said ANYTHING to not give the number and I tried helping him get out of it! He was definitely hesitant and probably didn’t want to do that ( definitely possibly has a girlfriend) … we just had a nice cool interaction. Nothing romantic just peer to peer conversation but my mom made it awkward for him and I didn’t think she was going to do that.

[HollyK21]

You acknowledge that you felt like he didn’t really wanna do it:


“He was definitely hesitant and probably didn’t want to do that ( definitely possibly has a girlfriend)”


Along with stating:


“ Nothing romantic just peer to peer conversation but my mom made it awkward for him and I didn’t think she was going to do that.”


So I think we can safely deduct that he felt obligated to give out his number because your mom put him on the spot. Despite you trying to give him a way out, he’s a nice guy and just did it anyway, probably thinking that if you did reach out, it would be in regards to a friend of his, like she also mentioned.


In any case Chels, what’s done is done. I’m breaking it down like this in hopes that if I point out bit by bit what the issue was it would help you let this go. But maybe not! You could have multiple in-depth conversations here and still be back next week. So I’m not sure what you’d like to hear anymore.

[Asker]

Oh okay ✅

[Asker]

You didn’t think he was attracted to me

[HollyK21]

It’s possible that he was attracted but at the end of the day, your mom tore up his number, so you would’ve been the one to reach out, not him. It’s just better to wash your hands of it, because you’ll just keep getting upset over the outcome, bothered with your mom, feeling low about yourself. Nothing good is coming from this like of thinking.

[Asker]

True plus he has a girlfriend

[HollyK21]

How do you know? He mentioned it?

[Asker]

No I saw him on the restaurant page and looked at his profile

[Asker]

He’s very affectionate and loving towards her so 🤷‍♀️

[HollyK21]

Here’s my thing Chels, what is the point in telling yourself the whole “I’m not good enough, I’m not attractive enough” spiel, when one: you know he’s taken; and two, you weren’t being match-made in the first place? The whole premise of your mom getting his number was for if he had friends, and that’s ultimately why he gave it over — he wasn’t doing that for himself.
So to be telling yourself you weren’t attractive enough, wondering if he was interested or whatever, just truly serves no purpose.

Imagine if you started texting him, then saw online that he had a woman, what would you have thought then? You most likely would’ve seen him as a dog ass MF, along with thinking you are only good enough to be a side piece and not the main course. As if your self esteem needs that sort of critical blow, you are already struggling with that and making this brief interaction so much more important and bigger than it ever should’ve been.

[Asker]

I thought he was attracted to me and that there was a vibe… my mom did like him for me and only said that in case he rejects me or shows disinterest.

But you’re right I’m glad it didn’t work out that way because I would have been in my feelings.

It’s not a spiel but I do feel that way about myself. I feel as though I’m not good enough and I feel like I’ll never find anyone as nice and attractive as him. But he has a girlfriend he loves so I wasn’t even an option anyway.

[HollyK21]

I think that’s the part to remind yourself of — he already has a girlfriend who he loves, it has nothing to do with you not being good enough or pretty enough, he just isn’t available and therefore he was never an option. So you should try to stop finding opportunities to mess with your self esteem for no reason.

It has turned into somewhat of a spiel because this isn’t a fleeting thought. It’s not like you just left the restaurant today, or even the other day, and are still thinking about that encounter. It’s been a few weeks, and judging by how things have gone with men in the past, I fear this’ll stretch out for months.

I really hope you are keeping an eye out for a therapist that you like and can go to. This is like your condition going unchecked. You may be getting meds still but that’s not addressing the main issue. The fact that you’re still hung up on this in my opinion is a sign of that.

[Asker]

I don’t think it’s about him just what he represented and wanting to feel seen by someone. I’m just feeling a lot of different feelings and emotions I can’t really explain. I have a hard time connecting with people and I just keep struggling with different emotions. I feel hopeless. Sometimes I wish the world would swallow me. I feel exhausted

Therapist don’t genuinely help they just help you with safety plans. I don’t want to paint or color right now.

[Anonymous]

Stop asking.

[Asker]

Or what?

[In_Trance]

gtfo troll

[Asker]

Ya mammyyyyy

[Anonymous]

This again?