What does " I need to figure out things" really mean?

[Anonymous]

I have this guy friend that has had a crush on me since 7th grade. He's been dating this girl for 11 years...they broke up & we hung out & ended up hooking up. She found out I was there & blew up his phone. He ended up taking her back that next day. He says he's confused & he needs to figure things out. What does that mean? He said he had fun with me but its hard giving up 11 years...he said he didn't want to marry her or have kids with her. ...he's is the most perfect guy & I like him a lot...just don't want to waist my time :(

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me like he's not interested in being with you anymore and wants to get back with her... :(

I say this because I once broke up with a girl but before I did I told her I need a break and I said its because I just need some time to think. For the most part I was sure I was gonna break up with her but I did this first because I just needed to escape all the pressure for a while so I could get my bearings so that if I did break up with her, it would be proper and not abrupt or in an insensitive way.

He seems confused about what he wants because he seems to want her back but doesn't want to marry her. Maybe he's not serious enough about relationships to be perfect for you? (unless that's a brood assumption. In which case I apologize)

I think you should ask him straight and tell him he can be honest about what's up in his mind currently and be there for him at the same time. Whatever his response, he should have the respect to be able to talk to you about it since he dated you. But if he's had some time to figure stuff out and his reaction is mean, then yeah, it would be best to commence the moving-on process because it would mean he's not that perfect for you in truth (with respect for your situation of course). But maybe she's confusing him. Like, maybe she's bad for his brain. Girls have messed with my mind before. Made me think I'm feeling things that I'm not. I guess you'd know what she's like. In which case, helping him see clearly would probably be a great idea. Because you do seem to care about this dude. But be prepared for a bad ending none the less...

Hope this was of some help

Good luck

[Asker]

We never dated...we have been friends since 7th grade & he said he's liked me all this time...when we were together it just felt natural. I seriously think we would be happy together. She's cheated on him & he's taken her back...and he pays her bills so of coarse she's going to want to stay. I guess I need closure and I'm not really sure how to get that.

[shadowelite102]

Sounds like he really likes you, but it is difficult giving up 11 years. He was being honest, and you should give him time to figure things out himself. To me it seems like he is stuck and doesn't know how to get out of it. Try not to pressure him, but let him know that you will be there when he gets out of that prison(seriously is tough).

Try to look at it from his point of view, it might help you. Also, try not to get between him and her because that could not end in any good way. You could try to leverage them apart by drawing him closer to you, just don't do anything too noticeable so she doesn't try to fight you or take out her anger on him.

Hope that helped, if it didn't then my apologies.

[Asker]

I agree but then I take the chance of him always taking her back. I can see myself with him in the future but I don't want to be anyone's second choice. I know he cares about me but if he was that unhappy with her & I brought his happiness back to life maybe he shouldn't of moved her back in so fast. He needs time to really think about what he wants.

[shadowelite102]

Or maybe she is crazy and he fears for his safety, jk. But I think that if he wanted to leave for a while but hasn't figured the situation out then he can't make a move(kinda like chess). She might be controlling, bi-polar, clingy, who knows?(probably you more than us) But I don't think you should feel bad because it's HIS situation, he might be asking for your help, but the only thing you could do is decide when and if you want to throw him a rope.

[angel1142]

If he goes back with her then there is not much figuring out as he's back with her...

I could bet you though that their couple is gonna blow up again.

The girl got jealous of you and made a hissy fit so as a weak person, the guy took her back. He doesn't know if he can be happy with her though and that's probably why he's confused right now.

If you think you guys have a chance, wait a few months that their story naturally blow and then be there for him.

Do it this way only though, because any other way would lead you to be him cheating on his girl with you and you staying in the shade for the rest of the time...

[Asker]

He told me that they have broken up a lot & she cried her way back..his mom died & she even threatened to kill herself by swearing on his moms life...we aren't taking because he says he doesn't need to the drama but he needs time to figure out things & he said he won't forget about me...I have a feeling that once he decides it will be to late.

[angel1142]

You need to be patient with him and have faith then.

[haileymonster99]

From experience I think that he's just trying to tell you that he's not that interested anymore in the nicest way possible. 11 years is a long time to spend with someone you love and I know that it can be difficult giving that up. but girl go after him. spend sometime with him. Just because he isn't with you anymore doesen't mean you can't still hang out with him.

Hope it helped. :P

[martyfellow]

It means he CAN'T figure things out, so he stays with her due to 11 years he doesn't want to waste,either.

If after that many years together, he's still confused, he will always be confused!