How can you be 100% brutally honest with your boyfriend or girlfriend?

[Katy16]

How do you do it? How do you avoiding hiding ANYTHING and NEVER lying for ANY reason? I'm an extremely honest person already, but I don't always tell my boyfriend everything that I'm feeling or rather in the past I haven't, and he's done the same, but we are both gonna start cause we just feel that you should be able to be 100% honest with your SO about EVERYTHING. So any tips to help me/us out?

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for your answers everyone! We ended up breaking up cause of some pretty big differences of opinion and how we felt on some pretty major subjects, but it was a good experience and I learned a lot fron it so I don't regret it, I did find put he seems to have a chronic lying problem at times, but over all I still feel he's a good guy and I hope in time we can rebuild our friendship cause we were friends before we got together, but for now he decided he couldn't handle that so y'all pray 4 us

[BrighteyedAsh]

Trust. And foresight.

And realizing you're both on the same team.

For example, if I don't come, I tell him. Not meanly. But I don't fake it so that I resent him because I end up not finishing. Because then he would think what he's doing is working, and you continue to remain unsatisfied. (Fortunately, because of this, I do get off and he knows how to satisfy me.

When I started realizing commitment issues arising, (being afraid that staying together forever is unrealistic type of assumptions) I talked to him about it so that he knew. If I hadn't, I'd have potentially ended up having anxiety about it and leaving with no worthy cause other than ending it before I get hurt. Informing him ended up relieving this anxiety and allowed me to be more realistic about it being simply a fear.

Not everything is 'easy' to talk about, but the more honest you learn to be about feelings, without repercussions for honesty, the more you learn to honest and open with them. It makes you closer, and thus far less apt to insecurities if you know you can trust them.

Boyfriend and I are very close and know we can trust each other because of it. we've learned to trust honesty, openness, support, and acceptance from one another. Especially because we work WITH the knowledge, rather than use it to tear the relationship down.

Long story short, when in doubt, ask yourself, "Am I treating us like a team, or like I can't trust him?", when you put things in perspective you learn to communicate with much better foresight and fewer bad assumptions, you start to experience how telling the truth REALLY plays out, not how you fear it will. And remember, in any solid relationship, make your decisions based on the assumption ending up together and how it could impact you and your relationship later. Don't think "We'll end up breaking up eventually, so he'll never find out.", think, "Would I want him to feel betrayed and like he can't trust me to be honest if he found this out much later?"

Embrace honesty, and with it, teamwork.

[Katy16]

Thanks :) I'll definitely remember this for my future relationships, unfortchunately we ended up breaking up yesterday because of very different views on some pretty major issues, but it was a good experience and I learned a lot so I don't regret it :)

[AnnieVincereVelMori]

I'm completely honest in the sense that if my boyfriend asks me something, I will tell him the truth. I also wouldn't hide anything major, like if I had a moment on indiscretion, I would tell him because I would want him to do the same. I don't say absolutely anything that comes into my mind and I am not overly critical, I just believe honesty is the best policy and you should treats others the way you wished to be treated.

[AnnieVincereVelMori]

*A moment OF indiscretion (oopsies)

[lyssaboo85]

Just let it spill out. Like a oops I didn't mean to say that. I do that with my boyfriend all the time and I don't realize it until I think about what I said. Like one time he was like god I'm so stupid and I was like I know v.v and he got so mad Tehe it was one of those joking mad tho not the pissed off mad. It's funny when you are truthfull silly stuff can happen you don't realize you said

[Mrcdinis]

you need to trust each other in order to do it. If you both don't, then you don't trust.

If you don't, then he won't as well because he isn't comfortable enough to talk about everything eith you if he feels that you don't. You are allowed to hide things if you talk to him that you don't feel good enough to say it.

It depends on the time you are both together as a couple. If you're in the beginning (for me that's up to 4 months) it's normal to not talk about everything cause there's the chance that you brake up because of any silly reason (he calls you stupid and you feel so offended that you brake up with him, despite being a joke. For example).

When you reach 1year of the relationship you should naturally say everything to him and expect the same, but there are still certain subjects that some people just don't talk about, but that's something that hurts him enough to hide it.

[Dionysos]

There is a place for the white lie in a caring relationship. Being 100% honest is less important than your partner's happiness sometimes. It's a thin, gray line, and it's not always easy to know what's on each side of it.

Potentially good lies:

Does this outfit make my ass look fat? Of course not.

You've got a perfect sized d***.

That person? Of course you're better looking!

[vertigo1201]

My boyfriend and I are completely honest with each other. We can talk about anything and everything. I trust him completely, so I think that's what makes it so easy to do. If you really trust your boyfriend, it shouldn't be that hard to do.

[Katy16]

Well I DO trust him, I'm just terrified of screwing anything up since we agreed on this.. lol

[vertigo1201]

Tell him that! Let him know how you feel, he probably feels the same way about it too. I know it can be scary, but I do think it's worth it.

[Katy16]

Ok, thank you! We are gonna talk about it some more tomorrow when we see each other so I can bring it up then, that's what he/we want anyways :)

[vertigo1201]

I hope the talk goes well :) Goodluck!

[Katy16]

Thanks! :)

[onlyaguy]

The notion of complete honesty sounds good on the surface, but total honesty is just not a good idea in a MF relationship, and even others, at times. There have been movies and sit com episodes devoted to the subject.

Lies for the purpose of deception are bad. but "lies" or half-truths for the purpose of protecting one's feeling, self-esteem or confidence are a good thing. The latter is just part of being kind. We half to know and respect the difference.

[onlyaguy]

Wow, my spell and grammar checker needs another cup of coffee 'cause it doesn't appear to be working yet.

[Ceekash]

i don't know how but all I know is that when ever I am not honest or I am hiding something I might burst out crying any second just because it makes me feel so guilty that I can't take it.. not that I am aa crying baby :P

thats why I never ever lie .. I just can't ..

[Littletad]

I don't hide anything, but then again I don't pry either. If they want to know something, I will answer with the truth. But people shouldn't ask things if they can't accept what they might hear.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Is there anything in particular that you want to tell him but are worried he might judge you? If so, what are you worried about telling him about?

[Katy16]

Well not really, it's just that since we agreed on TOTAL honesty I just don't wanna screw anything up by making a mistake and not doing so...

[TheDigitalSaint]

I wouldn't fret about it too much. It is good that both of you have stated a desire to be honest. You don't have to document your every move and thought, then tell him what they are. That's not the same thing as hiding something important (like cheating, stealing something, etc.)

[Katy16]

Alright thanks! :). It's mostly emotional honesty we are concerned with, although we wanna be honest with eveything in general, the emotional part is what we've had issues with. lol

[Mrcdinis]

"chronic lying problem"

That's a shame :/

[Katy16]

Yeah it is :/. Better to find out now than later I guess though...and we said we were staying friends but well just have to see how that goes...

[Mrcdinis]

If it is a disease, then he will certainly keep lying until he controls it... And he should see a psychologist (or a doctor, or a psychiatrist, anything xD)

If it is just his personality he might actually change and be a better person (at least for you) if he really cares about.

Anyways, good luck and be happy ;)

[Katy16]

Thanks :) and when I said "chronic lying problem", I just meant he tended/tends to lie(just saying what he thinks I wanna hear) to avoid hurting me and cause he was, at the time, afraid of me breaking up with him.

[Mrcdinis]

ooh, that's another story... Completely.

I had the same problem, but I worked it out with my girlfriend a while ago. Told her about what I've lied about. She was mad (a lot) and said she would never trust me again the same way and she asked me a week to think about it. We couldn't be capable of waiting a week so she invited me to go for a walk and we sorted everything out (I had my own reasons, since it was about my past... Kinda hard to talk about, and still didn't said a word to her)

[Mrcdinis]

and she gave me the time I needed to feel confortable about talking to her.

I feel that it is a bit unfair since she tells me about everything about her life and I keep a bit quiet. I know her entire family and she only knows my mom and my brother (I'm not the best friend of my own family... Barely speak to my brother, ruffly speak to my mother, and only say "hi" and "bye" to the rest).

[Mrcdinis]

When I think about it I feel bad, but I need to know we are going to be together on the future to speak to her about everything I have gone through...

Talk to the young gentleman because I think that he is afraid to know what it might do to both of you when he talks about... You may feel guilt about something you've done to him that you would never do if you knew... You may feel sorry... You may feel afraid... You may leave him... You may feel everything...

[Mrcdinis]

Give him some time... Let him feel like he can trust his life on you.

Let's put it this way, if he needed a heart donation and you were the only one who could give it, would you do it just to keep him alive since you would be miserable on this world without him? [Not saying you should, cause I wouldn't even let that happen on my case, but see it as an example]

Talk to him, calm him down a bit, figure yourself out. THAT if you really love him...

He will do the right thing if he loves you back.

[Katy16]

Thanks we are NEVER getting back together though, we just aren't meant to be, one reason we broke up besides that was our views on sex before marriage, I'm a Christian and wanna wait, he says he's a Christian but he also wants sex before he'll even consider marriage and stuff so just with that and some other stuff, me and him just definatelt weren't meant to be more than friends.Again thanks for the advice though :)

[Katy16]

*definitely

[thewriter13]

Raw truth is just that, raw, it is hard to give you tips on it. If you guys want to be that way then you have to be honest. No way around it

[PhillRoeth]

Just bs your way through it af

[Anonymous]

Easy... Just do it ~Nike