Is he trying to buy my affection?

[NymphoVic]

I have a close male friend who I've known for 6 years, who makes a habit of giving away $10 to everyone for Christmas, regardless of whether of not they buy him a gift. This year, he only got me a gift, $100 pearl/silver/crystal earrings (which I absolutely love), the day after I gave him what was quite clearly a $10 scarf. we both work at close to minimum wage jobs, but he has quite a bit of money in his family, even more than what I have. He's often arrogant and emotionless but in the past year, he started hugging me (I'm a hugger, he's a germ-a-phobe), and asking me if I was going to see the Hobbit (I'm a huge LOTR fan) on a certain day at a certain time, etc. It began when I fell asleep on his shoulder while watching LOTR (the fellowship) at a friend's movie night sleepover. Is he just bragging about his wealth by giving me the nicer gift, trying to buy my affection through pretty shiny objects, make me feel indebted by spending 10x the price, or none of the above? P.S. we're seniors in High School, if that means anything.

Updates

+1 y

Well today I found out that he told all of his guy friends he would want to have sex with me.

[2EagleEyes]

I don't think this is too uncommon of an approach. Sometimes people will try to flaunt their wealth or create the illusion of wealth to draw attention and feel like they are worth more. Perhaps they have a low level of self confidence and think they can just trade these material things for affection or to prove there is a reason to be with him instead of the other guy. I think someone who goes crazy on a "10 dollar gift exchange" and buys a 100 dollar gift makes people feel awkward. They may have had to work extra and save to make that happen but when two people are into each other I don't think the ability to produce said shiny objects is all that important.

Sure as I said that, there are girls who are all about "what can he get me" "what does he make... what is he riding in"...blah blah... These people really drive me crazy. That is another story. You strike me as the polar opposite of a gold digger. You strike me as a humble young lady who works for what she has and probably came from a middle class family where you had what you needed but maybe not ALL you wanted. People who come from upper class families have a hard time grasping the fact that not everyone drives a vette when they are 16. Has a vacation in Europe every year... etc.

I think it's a good sign he let a hugger break through his germ barrier. Once you know him a little better you might see he struggles to pay for his daily expenses in order to wow you with nice things. I remember not eating in high school and rat holing my lunch money to buy jewellery for my girlfriend. I did not come from money... I just tried to figure out how to come up with a little something special.

If he is using Mom and Dads money to get the stuff... I don't think it really means as much. He didn't have to earn it and has no concept of what it took to get that cash to buy you things. (This I find to be a bother but that is just me)

I would try to let him know... "You know the things you buy are beautiful but really not necessary. I still want to hang out with you even if you never gave me any gifts" At the end of the day none of that matters if there is no bond between you. (if it doesn't work out you still have a jewellery box full of stuff though... ha)

I don't think the price tag on a gift is what matters. Some of the most precious gifts I have ever received are hand made by my sons. Yes, macaroni necklace instead of a white gold chain. Of all of the watches I have... (and there are a good many) One of the least expensive is the most treasured. It was bought by my sons with their money and given to me on fathers day.

Let us know how this one progresses?

[NymphoVic]

He told his brotherhood that he would have sex with me. I don't know what the context was, but I'm guessing it wasn't merely a generous gift.

[2EagleEyes]

I am not sure this comes as a surprise to many dear. The "he would have sex with me" is almost a given when you are dealing with men of many age. We are horny creatures by nature. Trying to follow our program and repopulate the earth. (maybe not but I think you understand) I think you probably should be the one to decide if sex is on the menu. I hope you know it doesn't matter if he bought you a new laptop that doesn't mean he will get it. This is bigger than that.Thoughts? Be well Eagle

[NymphoVic]

Oh, I know. I just don't like the idea of being bribed. I also feel as though it's one thing to think, oh I would love to make love to her, and another to tell 15 or so guys that he's interested in it.

[stubbsy]

It could be his way of showing you your worth to him, it could be that he just wants something in return physically, or he might be that well off that he has no value on money, or he just wanted you to remember his gift more than most, but only you can make this judgement, so all though the gift was nice, this does not mean you owe something back, so show appreciation, but never feel as if you owe, or be told you owe because of it, and by doing this, you will get to know his intentions due to his reactions of the way you handle him and his ways, if he has an interior motive for the gifts, you will see them a mile off, because you will realize that although he might be generous with his money, he's not a very nice person, good luck,x

[NymphoVic]

I wouldn't have a sense of "owing" him for the lavish gift either way. Though it definitely succeeded in making me essentially forget about all the other gifts I got from my other friends... and I've been wearing them quite frequently so does that count as showing appreciation?

[stubbsy]

I suppose it does, if he's genuine, he will always enjoy buying you things, regardless of what he gets back,x

[NymphoVic]

well I gave him my gift first, so he could have easily matched my price range. how do I know if he's genuine?

[stubbsy]

you will know mainly because his attitude won't change, he will always be flambouyant with his cash, and he will always like to spoil you at times, but if he is not genuine, he will mention the gifts he has got you, he will always remind you of the things he brought or done for you, among other things of course, but it is only you who can judge, if your in doubt, get to know him a little longer before making your mind up what it is, but trust your instincts on this, they rarely let you down,x

[NymphoVic]

Well he never mentioned any of the gifts, and seems genuinely happy to see me, as always

[stubbsy]

Then there's a good chance his intentions are genuine, and just because he might get you an expensive gift, really doesn't mean he is trying to buy you, so trust your instincts here, its always a sure thing if you know otherwise,x

[drjohno]

Your sexless male friend you met in 4th grade is long gone. Believe me. You both are HS seniors, that boy is thinking about doing you every single day. But don't be flattered, male sexuality is non discriminatory so if he had the chance he'd do the most sexually available girl in class too. He buys you expensive gifts because that is what men are made to believe that will make women like us. Yes, he's trying to buy your affection. The question is: Did he need to buy it on the first place?

[NymphoVic]

Of course not! We're already friends, he doesn't "need" to buy my affection. But he also changes the way he's walking to walk me to class if he sees me in the hallway, as opposed to only walking in the same direction as far as we're going, or stopping to say hi, or even just waving. Does that mean he doesn't want to 'do me' the same way every other guy does, or the same way you say he wants to "do" every other girl he knows?

[drjohno]

Men aren't born naturals. We need experience with girls to find out what is it you like. He probably doesn't know how to behave with you, and he might even thinking how weird it is that he doesn't like you like just a friend any more. The only role models and advice he has are from the TV or the Internet. For guys sex is different from love. Ask yourself: Is he showing his feelings only to me or to every other girl in class?

[NymphoVic]

Well I'm the only person he bought a gift for, and he only reciprocates my hugs. And he's dated 10 girls before, so I feel like he's not brain dead when it comes to that. The question is, if he does indeed see me as more than a friend, what am I to do about it? Do I ignore it until it goes away? Do I talk to him about it? Should I

[drjohno]

It's not going to go away. There's no turning back, it's men's curse to like women so much. The ball is in your court: What do you really want? You know this guy's past so do you see him as a potential Boyfriend or just as a friend? Be honest. If you see him as just a friend do let him know right away because he obviously doesn't see you as his. Don't be afraid to hurt his feelings.

[NymphoVic]

What if I'm unsure? And what if the expensive gift was just a friendly gesture, and what if I make everything awkward by assuming that he's trying to switch ladders?

[drjohno]

Then just wait. Maybe he's just waiting for the right moment to make his intentions clear. Until then you can keep playing friends with him. After that you've got two choices: Say yes, because if you never try you'll never know; or No, and the friendship is over. REMEMBER, if you reject a guy, please, do not offer him your friendship afterward. Because he can't see you as a friend any more, your offer would be like a slow painfully death sentence to him.

[Anonymous]

I don't think he's trying to buy your affection necessarily, he does have the money from his family after all, but you can just see if he continues to buy you things, then THAT's when it's obvious.

[the-man-who-knows]

Maybe he is just trying to be nice because he likes you. If the gift makes you feel uncomfortable you can always talk to him about it.

[bwrd830]

That depends, how much does your affection cost?

[Anonymous]

Get em while he is hot

[Opinion Owner]

EVERY guy wants to have sex with a girl they are courting. You want a guy that doesn't want and crave you? Guys talk as much as girls at times. It is a GOOD sign that he wants to have sex with you.

[NymphoVic]

But the fact that he would talk about it with all of his brotherhood? It makes me feel like some sex object, dirty.

[Opinion Owner]

Girls do it and guys should not huh

[NymphoVic]

I wouldn't say, "Oh I'd hit that any time of day," I might mention whether or not I think someone is attractive, or whether or not I have feelings for them, but generally, not even that. I'm a pretty private person with my own emotions. I know I may not look it, posting on GAG every day, but I am.

[Opinion Owner]

:P you are still somewhat anonymous though. Guys that are young have big mouths, brag and are relatively immature but even if he seems disrespectful about saying he would "bang you" or "tap that ass" he still could end up being good to you and for you. We will see though won't we? :) Good luck

[NymphoVic]

Thank you. I guess I'd rather have a guy that wanted to sleep with me, as opposed to one that didn't.

[Opinion Owner]

:) exactly... now move a little closer to me...

[Opinion Owner]

Oh and you are welcome...best of luck to you

[NymphoVic]

Haha thank you very much. Move closer to you?

[Opinion Owner]

So I could do bad boy stuff to ya of course...you won't respect me in the morning but hey I was raised by wolves and have thicker skin than most

[NymphoVic]

As flattering as that is..the question was centered around respect and whether or not my friend was being respectful to me. I'd appreciate it if you could show me the same courtesy.

[Opinion Owner]

Wow OK. Humor is not disrespectful. Good luck