How do I tell my boyfriend we have no emotional connection?

[Anonymous]

I'm so frustrated I've been with him for a year and a half and I still feel like I can't see anything below his surface. He changes topics whenever the conversation starts to get anywhere serious. When I'm clearly upset, he doesn't ever ask what's wrong. When we are together all we do is have sex. I need intimate conversations, I want to be able to tell him things without feeling like he is going to judge me, I want to know what he is thinking some of the time! I've told him before that he seems very closed, but he said that's just how he was raised. But I can't handle this anymore, I'm sick of pointless conversations. I want to get to know him better :( how do I say this to him without freaking him out?

[Anonymous]

This shouldn't freak him out, if it does...you've got bigger problems on your hands. The fact that you've been together for a year and a half and can't have a serious, personal conversation with him is worrisome. So much so, in fact, that it makes me wonder why you've stayed with him this long.

He is clearly a very private person, which means he either:

A) genuinely has a difficult time expressing his emotions and is willing to change, or

B) is just using you for the sake of a sexual relationship and has no desire to emotionally express himself.

If it's A, obviously there's hope. If it's B, move the hell on from this guy. Regardless of which one it is, you're going to have to talk to him about it.

[Asker]

definitely A. But I have to question B because sex is such a big part of the relationship, that's all we do when we are together. But like when I'm clearly upset an he doesn't ask what's wrong.. like isn't there something wrong with that. does he not care how I feel emotionally ever? last time I went to his house I didn't feel like having sex and just wanted to talk cause I had a very hard week, and he just kind of said he was tired and wanted to go to sleep so I left like an hour later

[UberTroll]

I think you're barking up the wrong tree here. He's never gonna be that type of guy that you want and you can't force him to be someone he's not. "I need intimate conversations, I want to be able to tell him things... I want to know what he is thinking... but he said that's just how he was raised. "

You have two options here:

1. accept the way he is and learn to deal with it

2. find someone else who's more open with his emotions

[Babygirl18]

The only way to doit is to just be blunt and honest

[madhatters4]

you try to be sensitive and non-confrontational while also being completely honest. Tell him that I feel like we don't have an emotional connection anymore. It seems like neither of us feels comfortable or is willing to share how we feel. I find you very attractive but I need more than just physical level relationship stuff, I need to feel emotionally intimate and recently I've felt more and more distant.

You can give him specific examples of why you feel the way you do. The real key is not to make it sound like you are just blaming him for everything that is wrong. Even if it is 100% his fault try to present it in a way that makes it sounds lke it is a problem between you two not just a problem of yours or his

[Asker]

yes it is not his fault, but mine too

[madhatters4]

it's not your fault either it's just about chemistry and compatibility. sometimes it's an individual sometimes it's the relationship

[Anonymous]

Sorry but... you need to leave him, if he hasn't improved after a year and a half he probably never will. My ex was like that so I ended it after 4 months regardless of how I felt about her. If they aren't reciprocating in the relationship than it's entirely one sided and not healthy for you. I know you have been with him for a year and a half but it sounds like he is using you...

[Asker]

no no he is not using me. he treats me very well. Did cute things for me on Valentine's day, we go out for dinner, we have lots of fun together. But we just don't connect on a deeper level. I love him as a person and I am comfortable around him. I just want him to open up to me

[PhilaPenn]

Exactly the way you phrased the question. He's guy, he can take it. Just be honest.

[Anonymous]

So what's the update? You crave love which comes from being fully connected...